AIBU about Caoimhe

[Littleturkish]

DH and I have taken a long long time to choose this name, Irish heritage on both sides, Irish surname (and maiden name!) I love this name.

When DH agreed, he didn't realise how it was spelt. Now he knows. He thinks we should pick a different one. I have first hand experience of having a difficult Irish name to spell and think it will be fine.

AIBU? I don't want to start finding a new name all over again- is Caoimhe that awful to spell??

It's lovely, go for it! I teach lots of Polish and Lithuanian children (in England) with very tricky (to the English eye) spellings and everyone manages just fine.

I work for a company that deals with hundreds of children in London so as part of my job I see/hear and have to spell all sorts of names.
I have to admit of all the names I hear I always find the Irish names the most difficult.
Most of the Chinese/Somali/Polish names are pronounced how they are spelt, so even if it is not a name I am familiar with I can have a pretty good go at writing/saying it properly. I would say 9 times out of 10 I wouldn't have a clue how to say/write a traditional Irish name.

If I was your DH I wouldn't like it either for reasons he has given (sorry). His vote matters as much as yours. Can't you find another name you both like?

I can't understand why anglicising the spelling is so bad in some people's minds. We anglicise all sorts of names for English speakers We have Joshua instead of Yeshua, the Italians have Giovanni instead of John. This is not a travesty.

I adore it as does my DP and it is too of our list for our future DD.

I am of Irish heritage and have one of the names above. I'm used to spelling it although more and more people do know how to.

All the reaction I have ever had to my name is very positive.

Although it is complicated to write down, It it very easy to say/pronounce.

I was behind someone in a queue the other day, who when he was called gave his surname as "Smith, with an i". There's very few names that don't need to be spelled out or explained.

If you like the name, go for it. If she doesn't like it when she's older, she can use Keeva/Kweeva/Queeva day to day if she prefers (but please don't put any of those on the birth certificate!).

green I find your idea quite funny that seeing names written down is a defining feature of categorising your heritage. Imagine, my poor father, spending all those years in Ireland as a child and young man, and then travelling back and forth throughout his adult life- attending Trinity in Dublin and reading his way through so much Irish literature...and not properly Irish because he had never seen one girl's name written down. He will be disappointed. I wonder if they'll take his passport back?

The 'lifetime of having to spell it out' is one I live- my name has been mentioned now- but spelt incorrectly, and it doesn't bother me! Our DD will be (hopefully) attending the local Catholic school, and ime it's unlikely she'll be the only Caoimhe in the school- and has no chance of being the only one in the class with an Irish name.

So- to update, broached this again with DH, and he is going to 'keep looking at it written down'. But he's being evasive.

And it will be right back to the start. This was the only name we agreed on- Clover was the only other name I liked, and, well...feel free to search for that thread if you want a laugh!

And anyone who is curious as to why there is a reluctance of myself (and other posters) to 'anglicise' Irish (or any nationality's!) names, feel free to have a Google on the anglicisation of Ireland, particularly place names. Fascinating history. I wouldn't do it for all the Barry Tea in the world.

I also love Clover.

"and not properly Irish because he had never seen one girl's name written down."

I don't think that's what people are saying. It's just - if you want something because of your heritage, surely it should be a bit of your heritage that you've actually encountered at some point in your life?

What Irish names with Gaelic pronunciation-type spelling is he familiar with? Those are the names which are from his heritage. A name he's never seen isn't part of his heritage, any more than jellied eels are part of my heritage just because both they and I are from England.

Have you agreed on a middle name?

What's wrong with choosing a name you haven't previously seen written down if you like it?

But Little surely for someone Irish living in Ireland it would be phonetic? Just not in English. Now I know that it is pronounced Keeva or Kweeva I can see the similarities with Niamh/Neeve, the mh obviously making a V sound.

As an English person if I'd never heard the name Dolly I'd still have a pretty good idea of how to say it because it's phonetically just like Polly and Molly!

I haven't seen your other thread but is Clodagh an option or is the spelling too awkward too?
FWIW I love Caoimhe but my mother is a native speaker and gets very worked up over pronounciation of names like Caoimhe and Eadaoin so I couldn't have used it (if I hadn't had a boy).
Both my husband and I are Irish but UK based and gave our UK born son an Irish name. We deliberately went for Lochlann over Oisin as we felt the spelling would be easier but we still have to tell people how it's pronounced!

I love the name Caoimhe.
Sounds like your husband and his family might be hard to convince. Would Clodagh be an option?

The reason anglicising Irish names raises hackles is precisely because of the history of cultural imperialism and eradication of Gaelic culture that went along with British rule in Ireland. Is this so hard to understand?

And as for those saying that a name can't be part of someone's heritage if they haven't seen it written down, that's absolute nonsense.

Does naming a baby after your heritage have to be an expression of resisting cultural imperialism? I don't think that OP's husband feels the same as OP about all that. It's a joint decision what they call their child.

ps: from what I read Caoimhe has a few different 'standard' pronunciations, so have to expect sometimes your child called whichever one isn't your preferred way to say it. I suppose the advantage of something phonetic in English is that you have a better chance of getting exact pronunciation you want.

No, lljkk but the history of forced anglicisation explains why blithe comments to 'just change the spelling' are insensitive to say the least. Which is what my post pointed out.

Agree that names should be a joint decision (but if the child is having the father's surname...).

I think if you want to choose a name that represents your heritage then go for it...BUT you have to know that if you're not in Ireland your kids may get a rough time regarding people understanding pronunciation and spelling. You'll have to equip them with ways of dealing with it.

I have a friends who called her son Ruairi. At about age 6-7 after having numerous name badges etc. written out and stuck on him as Rory he asked could he change how he spelt it 'to the normal way'.

I also used to work with a Sadhbh. She used to sign off her emails with (Sive) before her formal signature so clients would know how to pronounce it. She also experienced client partners trying to persuade her to call herself Sarah so it would be easier for clients to remember when she went on a secondment (no I'm not joking!)

I'm not saying don't choose the name, but unless you're living in Ireland you'll need to provide the necessary support to deal with this.

I love Caoimhe, it has such a lovely meaning too. There's a Caoimhe in DD's nursery, think it is becoming a little more known so hopefully as she gets older she'll have fewer problems.

Agree with those who say don't anglicise the spelling!

Have lived with a pronounce and spell name all my life as have some of the rest of my family. People only need to know once.
You both need to love it though ! Lucky we didn't have a boy or we would have been in battle over Oisin .

Do you have to spell your name on a daily basis OP? Or correct the spelling?

If so, you'll know what a PITA it is. If not, then I can assure you it's a PITA. I know you love the name, but you're saddling someone with a name that they will have to spell for the rest of their lives - unless they move to Ireland, or Gaelic speaking parts of Scotland.