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Original poster

Scruples question - stealing baby names???

152 replies

kizzie · 14/04/2004 12:25

hello - just a little scruples question for everyone.

When my BF and I were both pregnant I said very early on which name I would choose if I had a girl.
Its quite unusal so not one that would quickly spring to mind.
Anyway few months later BF rang rather sheeplishly and announced that her and her DH had decided that they really liked it and it was now their favourite.
Few weeks later they had a girl and did give her this name.
As it happens I had boys so wasnt that much of an issue (and apart from this she is a wonderful friend so would never want something like that to ruin our relationship)BUT have to admit I did think it was a bit odd and nothing that I would have done.

Anyone else done something similar - or if it happened to you would you be a bit miffed????

As I say its all water under the bridge but my sister just brought it up in conversation at the weekend when she joked about it.

Kizziex

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Janh · 14/04/2004 18:11

The Diddakoi , ml!

Kateykate · 14/04/2004 18:19

Was it from the Diddikoi??? (definately spelt wrong) That was great wasn't it? I remember I cried when the series finished (actually that is quite sad to admit!)

collision · 14/04/2004 18:19

That was all time fave prog when I was little Janh.....I might have to order the book. And Lizzie Dripping and the Witch.

Kateykate · 14/04/2004 18:19

Oops, crossed over with your message !!

Janh · 14/04/2004 18:42

Have you read any other Rumer Godden? She is such a lovely writer, one of my favourites.

Children's books: Miss Happiness and Miss Flower, The Story of Holly and Ivy (makes me cry!), Doll's House, Thursday's Children
Adult books: The Greengage Summer, The Battle of the Villa Fiorita, Episode of Sparrows

Have just been searching Amazon and there are loads more that I've never heard of - oh no - someone hide my credit card!

Original poster
kizzie · 14/04/2004 19:06

Yes!!! Cant believe someone else remembers it too. Thats why I chose the name. I always watched it as a child and loved it.

(Sorry dont want to sound too worthy but it also had a real impact on me. Made me very aware of prejudice which has stayed with me. On the diversity group at work. I know it was only a kids programme but I think things can really affect you at that age.)
Kizziex

OP posts:
eddm · 14/04/2004 19:07

Tex, we've also got cat/human confusion here. Ds started nursery a few weeks ago and in the baby room there's a little girl with the same name as our cat ? Esme. Can imagine some embarrassment once Ds is old enough to talk!

tamum · 14/04/2004 19:15

Oh yes, me me me, Janh! I've read Miss Happiness and Miss Flower recently to my two, and started the sequel. Read Holly and Ivy too, and have my old copy of The Kitchen Madonna ready. Can't bear to read the Dolls' House to them as I can't face reading about poor old Birdie's fate again myself. Pathetic, eh.

Jimjams · 14/04/2004 19:16

I would have used the name anyway if I was you and had a girl. There are loads of Davids on my dad's side of the family. Surely it doesn't matter that much?

collision · 14/04/2004 19:17

Sorry......we hijacked the thread.......end of hijack......back to stealing names please!!

bluebear · 14/04/2004 19:29

Of our girl's names the top 5 on our list all ended up with 'ownership' problems except for the one we finally decided on.
Dh's fav was Abigail - was already used as for a friend's dd.
My fav was Lois - which is dh's mum's real name (but not the name she is known by normally) and also dh's grandma's name.
Also both liked Imogen - but then Mum's cousin had dd and used it.
Were quite stuck on Kasia for most of pregnancy but it was the name of a (lovely) girl that my ex-boyfriend had a fling with when I was with him so did have some negativity about it.
Finally decided on Tegan.....no arguments from anyone.

Gave her the middle name of Anne - the names that both her Grandmas are known by.....Both Grandmas complained!....I now call her Tegan Ungrateful 'Surname' as a joke.

hoxtonchick · 14/04/2004 19:43

Just continuing the Rumer Godden hijack..... The Greengage Summer is just fantastic, one of my favourite books ever. Will NOT look at Amazon.... I really liked Miss Happiness & Miss Flower too. Will have to retrieve them next time I'm at my parents.

Fennel · 14/04/2004 19:44

Eddm - I can go one further, we have a cat AND a dd called Esme!

Called the cat that years ago before I'd ever thought of having children. when dd2 was born we changed the cat's name to was-esme (or wasme) and dd2 took the name... we still get confused sometimes who we are talking about but just liked the name.

eddm · 14/04/2004 19:55

LOL Fennel are you going to tell your dd how she got her name ?

WideWebWitch · 14/04/2004 20:02

I don't think names belong to anyone really, although I can see the sister argument I suppose. If my sister had wanted to use my favourite name (if I had mentioned it FIRST) then maybe I wouldn't have been pleased. So maybe I do think names belong to people? I don't know. I think I'd be flattered if someone wanted to use my ds's (unusual) name now. I remember the name The didakoi so maybe I did see it as a child, don't remember it though. Wasn't The Mousewife also by Rumer Godden? I loved that as a child.

popsycal · 14/04/2004 20:06

i ahev 2 sisters - one has a daughter and is preg again the other has no kids - the one with no kids has always said that she would call her daughter (if she has one) the name that my grandma had. Sis who i preg has just annoucned that if they have a girl, they will name her after my grandma.

yumple · 14/04/2004 20:18

My Grandpa was called Harry and (hard to believe now!) 10 and a half years ago there were very very few Harrys around. The week he was born, Safeway started their TV ad campain with that gorgeous little tot called Harry.

Within months the Harry explosion began!!!

DD called Tabitha Rose....no ads yet!! But used to live on the Isle of Wight and was in Newport B&Q one day without kids and the lady in front of me had her daughter with her who I overheard was also called Tabitha. When I butted in that I had a Tabitha at home she was obviously put out that hers wasn't the only Tabitha on the island! Amazingly hers was Tabitha Rosie!!! I think she thought I was a mad childless stalker-type when I said that mine was Tabitha Rose....but weirder still our surnames were almost the same too.

marialuisa · 14/04/2004 20:20

Yep, The Diddakoi, I never realised it was a TV programme though. The Story of Holly and Ivy was treasured well beyond the age when i should have outgrown it. i'm guessing Bruce Willis and Demi moore must be fans as one of their DDs is called Rumer? (How sad is it that i know that?)

twiglett · 14/04/2004 20:32

message withdrawn

MABS · 14/04/2004 20:48

When i was pg with dd , said if i had boy it'd be Cameron Lawrence, everyone knew it. 6 months later my sister in law (we don't get on)had a baby and called him Cameron Lawrence. To this day , 9 yrs later, she maintains it was a coincidence and she never knew i'd suggested it .... yeah right!!

Bozza · 14/04/2004 20:49

We're in this situation at the moment if this bump turns out to be a boy. The only boy's name we can agree on is Samuel but DH's cousin called her baby Samuel - he was born in December. We've seen him twice and once was the obligatory "new baby visit". We have spent hours trying to come up with an alternative - that also goes OK with DS's name and failed. So what do you think? If it was one of our sisters or a close friend it would be different but we do genuinely only see DH's cousin 2/3 times a year at most.

Please advise...

StripyMouse · 14/04/2004 20:49

Our favourite boys name was the same as our old next door neighbour?s cat of all things! We struggled like mad about whether or not we felt able to use it..decided not to and agonised for ages about an alternative..only to go on and have a girl anyway. Typical.
There is this weird ownership thing about names and seems all tied in with the feeling of individuality and uniqueness that makes using someone elses? seem like taking liberties, daft really.

Janh · 14/04/2004 20:52

Reading all this makes me think - for the benefit of those who will be having babies in the future - that the most prudent course would be to go public, as early as poss, with a choice of at least 2 names (or sets of names), maybe 3. That way you have laid claim to them all without making it plain which you favour - so if anyone pinches one of them it may well be the "wrong" one, and if it's the right one you still claimed it first and can subsequently take it (if you still want to) without it looking like a copycat.

Janh · 14/04/2004 20:59

Bozza, I have a Samuel! There are millions of them! If I was naming a boy now I would go either more traditional (eg Peter, Richard, Michael, Thomas) or classic/biblical (?) - Max, Leo, Oscar, Jacob, Isaac, Nathaniel.

FWIW!!!

SenoraPostrophe · 14/04/2004 21:06

So you have officially bagsied those names have you Jan?

When preg with ds I was talking about names with a friend who was also pregnant. We both had the exact same girl's name picked out - first name and middle name the same. Luckily I had a boy, but she did have a girl and used the name. She has agreed that I can use if if ever I have another!