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Original poster

Scruples question - stealing baby names???

152 replies

kizzie · 14/04/2004 12:25

hello - just a little scruples question for everyone.

When my BF and I were both pregnant I said very early on which name I would choose if I had a girl.
Its quite unusal so not one that would quickly spring to mind.
Anyway few months later BF rang rather sheeplishly and announced that her and her DH had decided that they really liked it and it was now their favourite.
Few weeks later they had a girl and did give her this name.
As it happens I had boys so wasnt that much of an issue (and apart from this she is a wonderful friend so would never want something like that to ruin our relationship)BUT have to admit I did think it was a bit odd and nothing that I would have done.

Anyone else done something similar - or if it happened to you would you be a bit miffed????

As I say its all water under the bridge but my sister just brought it up in conversation at the weekend when she joked about it.

Kizziex

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fisil · 14/04/2004 14:19

What a great thread! We were very careful not to tell a soul our possible names, mainly because people think they can pass comment on a name that doesn't belong to anyone yet, whereas they usually keep quiet if it actually belongs to a person they can see!

Our boys name was so rare that if we had come across someone by that name before he was born, we would have been gutted (and maybe even not used it) in case anyone thought we were copying! And if anyone now calls their son by ds's unusual name, I would be dead chuffed.

Our girls name was really common and so we didn't care if we came across any others. In fact it is still our favourite, and a friend has since had a girl by that name, but we would still use it cos there are plenty of them about! So in our case it's our own pride really - we don't want to appear to be copycats. To be honest, if we had told anyone any of our thoughts about names then we would have felt that we only had ourselves to blame!

My "BF" (hmmm) who has plans to maybe have children in about 5 years time, told me while I was pg that I must not use certain names - and then she listed off about 8 of them - as she would be using them. I thought that was disgusting! They were all very common names too - including one which she knows (because she has known me all my life) is my brothers, grandads, great grandads etc. etc. etc. name.

In fact, on exactly the same name, my other brother dealt with this one brilliantly while I was pg by saying "I know that we all love the name and I would love to use it if I ever have a son, and I guess you love it too and will want to use it." The way he said it made it absolutely clear that no-one owns this particular name - anyone who wants to can use it.

hoxtonchick · 14/04/2004 14:21

2 families from our antenatal group have called their new babies the same name as ds, but we don't see them very often, & it's not a particularly unusual name so I don't mind at all.

I did really mind though, that dp's best friends stole one of our potential girls names. Floods of tears & everything. They ended up using it as a middle name which isn't as bad. Actually, I suprised myself at how upset I was.

Moomin · 14/04/2004 14:23

It seems much more of an issue now than years ago. I don't spose our parents thought twice about "copying" names, if you see the amount of James, Johns and Michaels and Claires and Sues, etc. of my generation. These days, I think people are perhaps a bit more creative (or give more thought) to their babies' names and so it can seem very personal.
We're ttc baby no.2 at the moment and the boy's name we've always fancied still stands, even tho 2 people I know (not well) have had it recently. For a girl, tho, I'm really keen on Daisy. I only realised when I heard it on one of dd's tapes that my mum (who died when I was 9) used to sing Daisy Daisy to me and it's a very strong memory of her for me. I'd love to call baby no.2 that name now but some friends of ours have already used it. I think I'd feel funny using it now.

aloha · 14/04/2004 14:26

on of my childless friends was extremely pissed off when another of my childless friends used her favourite cat name for her cat!! Took it quite badly...

SEXGODDESS · 14/04/2004 14:32

Gemilou - how old is your ds2? When my son was born 7.5 years ago I hadn't heard of anyone being called Theo.

gemilou · 14/04/2004 14:33

He is 21/2

gemilou · 14/04/2004 14:39

sexgoddess is your son called it too

Chandra · 14/04/2004 15:08

In my family there are at least six Victorias, 2 Ivans, 4 Fernandos, 3 Alfonsos, 2 Elenas and 14 Tonis. No body has died yet and we don't get confused and when we do,God it's not that important, is it? we may are not very original but at least are good friends and, eventhough I had a very unusual name when I was a child I am flattered that some of my parents' friends and a neighbour have "copied" the name, probably my name is no longer very original but... I was the first. )))

grumpyzebra · 14/04/2004 15:44

I used to say, it wouldn't miff me, but then if I wanted to still use the name, I wouldn't hesitate to still do so -- and I wouldn't be able to understand why this should upset anybody else. Nor would I be upset if close friends or family later used my children's names. Actually, this seems quite likely, in an extended family as large as mine!

That said, there is a genuine feud going on in DH's family over a name...I mustn't say more, in that (at least) one of the people involved is another MNetter! And watching the feud, I'm not sure if I would go with my original feelings about it all.

Original poster
kizzie · 14/04/2004 15:45

Actually now that Ive started this thread its not in the back of my mind anymore. Cant believe its years ago - have hardly thought about it since - and now feel a bit 'hard done by'. How rational is that???? (NOT)

I suppose it is the thought that I KNOW she would have been really really cross if it had been the other way round not that I would ever have done it.

Maybe I should have called this thread - 'are you too much of a sap with your friends'!!

Kizziex

OP posts:
twiglett · 14/04/2004 16:29

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twiglett · 14/04/2004 16:29

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2babies · 14/04/2004 16:33

I would be miffed!!

tamum · 14/04/2004 16:35

God, no twiglett, that sounds completely OTT to me.

twiglett · 14/04/2004 16:36

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tamum · 14/04/2004 16:39

Just to clarify, the "God no" bit was in answer to your "am I in the wrong" and the OTT bit was about her reaction

twiglett · 14/04/2004 16:40

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tamum · 14/04/2004 16:42

It's all a bit confusing, isn't it

eddm · 14/04/2004 16:54

When I was pg my sister and I had a real 'friendly' row over a girl's name that we both want to use ? after a very dear relative. You know the sort of argument where it's all very jokey but you just know if you ever did anything about it there would be huge ructions? Anyway, I had ds so didn't use it. But is still on both our lists - question of who gets there first . My other sister is now pg and rather sweetly is planning to use a name that goes rather well with my ds, but not the same.
Thomcat, hope it doesn't tick you off if I do get to use it as think it is the same as your dd!

Tex111 · 14/04/2004 17:12

I think it all depends on the relationship you have with the other person. My sister has already called 'Lucy' so that's off our list but if a casual friend picked a name that we really liked I might still use it. One of my favorite girl names is Margaret but my best friend has always loved it for her future little girl. In the end she had two boys but it still feels like her name and if I named a little girl Margaret it would be very weird.

I'm really intrigued by the mysterious 'unusual' names mentioned. We should start a thread on what you named you children and why.

BTW, I love Theo and it's on our list for next time but I had no idea it was getting popular. I did check the popularity lists on babycentre.co.uk and babycenter.com before choosing ds's name. I wanted something traditional but not something you hear every day. In the end we settled on Tobias. I've already met two other mums with boys called Tobias!

Nutcracker · 14/04/2004 17:18

I would have been annoyed i think. When i was pregnant with DD2 a friend of mine was also pregnant and due 4 weeks later. A couple of names that i liked were ones that she had on her list too so i just crossed them off mine.
I could of beaten her to it as dd2 was 5 weeks early, but i wouldn't have liked it if she'd done the same to me.

2babies · 14/04/2004 17:23

Hi Twiglett, I think given the facts about Kizzie's best friend, etc. and the fact that the name Kizzie liked was unusual, I'd be miffed. But I also do like the idea of having unusual names. Even though it is flattering when others like the names you choose, I get irritated with copycats.

collision · 14/04/2004 17:34

Kizzie......why did you choose the nickname Kizzie? There was a TV prog when I was a little girl with a gypsy girl called Kizzie and I love the name. I even named my cat Kizzie when I was little!

Tex111 · 14/04/2004 17:37

I forgot to add that Tobias is called Toby and my parents were actually a bit miffed as that's their cat's name!

marialuisa · 14/04/2004 17:43

Collision, I loved that book! Her full name was Kezia. It's really weird, whole passages of the book have come flooding back to me...

There's no chance of anyone using DD's name as it sounds a bit strange to English ears. i named my little bro, and whilst I could never imagine having a "William" (my fave boys' name) myself I did want to use Joseph as a middle name if DD had been a boy. Mum was fine about it. I think that unless it was a very close relative or someone we saw regularly I wouldn't be too bothered about anyone using a name I particularly liked.