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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

mum's surname or dad's?

59 replies

lovelilies · 26/09/2013 23:07

unmarried parents.. which surname will/have you given your dc?
I honestly have no idea what to do...

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

5madthings · 26/09/2013 23:10

Ours are double barrelled, mine-dps.

If not married I would double barrel or give yours, if you get married and change your name you can then change the child to his name later.

Of you give his name and then split up you won't be able to change it to your name,e without his permission.

Depends if you at ebothered by your child not having your name?

jellybeans · 26/09/2013 23:14

I would keep mine and did do with DD1. We both changed to DHs when got married.I didn't want different to my child as primary carer.

UpTheFRIGGinDuff · 26/09/2013 23:20

Both.

Our DC have mine-DP's (flows better)
if you don't want to double barrel though I would definitely use yours for the same reasons as 5MadThings suggested.

Original poster

lovelilies · 26/09/2013 23:26

I do feel strongly about having the same name as my dc... dd1 gas my name. DP (not dd's father) really wants the baby to have his name... I've said I want us all to have the same name, and if we marry we'll change the childrens names... but he's not happy

OP posts:

slightlysoupstained · 26/09/2013 23:28

Giving yours means you can actually re-register later if you get married and want to change surname then. For some reason, if you give the father's surname now, you are not allowed to change it on re-registering.

www.cheshireeast.gov.uk/community_and_living/register_office/registering_a_birth/re-registering_a_birth.aspx

Giving yours is the simplest option. If you're not sure, this at least allows you the possibility of changing your mind later, to double-barrel, dad's name, or whatever!

laughingeyes2013 · 26/09/2013 23:32

I used my name until I married the father, I was determined not to have a different surname at the school gate to our child if I didn't have to, as i knew is be the one going to all the appointments, and because you'd have to get content for a name change if you split up in the future (hopefully not obviously, but stranger things gave happened!) and who would really give their name away that easily?

laughingeyes2013 · 26/09/2013 23:32

Consent not content! Blimmin auto text!

kiwik · 26/09/2013 23:45

I'm married, but didn't change my name, as it would be too rhymey with DH's surname.
Our DCs have all got DH's surname, which is a pain as it actually rules out loads of names. (Ends with ley, so can't use any names ending with an e sound.)

pickledparsnip · 26/09/2013 23:47

Both, officially. We just mostly use mine on it's own though. No way I was going to give my son someone else's surname when we weren't married. Mind you I woulld never take anyone else's name if I got married. I love my unusual surname, not ever going to give it up .

17leftfeet · 26/09/2013 23:52

My dcs have their father's surname

We have since split up

I don't regret them having his name, they are part of him and a different name won't change that

Me having a different surname makes no difference to me, they are obviously my children regardless of what they are called

TinyTear · 27/09/2013 12:41

Both... My daughter has both our surnames not double barrelled, she has two surnames...

AmandaPandtheNightmareMonsters · 27/09/2013 17:00

I am married and changed my name, so we all share one.

If we hadn't, I would have double barrelled. I cannot imagine not sharing a name with my children (indeed, it was the biggest factor in changing my name when we married).

paperclipsarebetterthanstaples · 27/09/2013 17:08

Use yours - we went with DPs - thought i was fine with that but I'm so not fine... I hate that i have a different name to my DS. I never say his full name if i can help it (i know lots of people aren't bothered and that I'm possibly being unreasonable myself but that's just how i feel op)

BabyStone · 27/09/2013 17:11

We gave DS,DP's surname as we are engaged, intend to get married and take his name

5madthings · 27/09/2013 17:15

Have you suggested to your partner that he changes his name to your name op? He can do it by deed poll and then have the same name as you and baby?

I would go with yours or double barrelled, its just patriarchal tradition that dictates children have their fathers surname....

Flyingbytheseatofmypullups · 27/09/2013 17:21

Dd has Dp's name. We aren't married and if/ when we do get married I will probably not change my name. Very comfortable with her having his name.

MikeOxard · 27/09/2013 17:26

Well he should've married you then! Like other posters said, you can always change it if/when you marry, but if you split you can't change it back. Bet you're glad you gave dd1 your surname aren't you?

MikeOxard · 27/09/2013 17:27

Sorry, that looks MUCH more smug than intended!

FobblyWoof · 27/09/2013 17:42

DD has my partners surname so she's got a different last name to me. It's always been my plan to double barrel my name when we get married so I'll never have exactly the same name as my children but this doesn't bother me.

I didn't feel pressured into agreeing for dd to have his name and he's offered for us all to double barrel our names when we're married but I'm fine not to. It's whatever fits in with you.

rootypig · 27/09/2013 18:01

I am married and kept my name. (Why would you change to his name if you married?) DD has her father's name. This pisses me off tbh, but when I was pregnant he pushed so hard for her to have his, that to insist on mine would have felt like a really aggressive move (why he shouldn't have felt the same way, I don't know - well, I do, it's male entitlement and the weight of tradition, but logically no reason). Both names are a mouthful, no way we could double barrel or even feasibly give both - they just wouldn't have fit on most forms! I was disappointed in him, I have to say. I think part of the reason I gave in is because aesthetically I prefer his surname to mine, and my family (and therefore my name) has some negative connotations for me. Still pisses me off though!

A male friend recently got married and they have merged their names ie Mr Banana and Miz Apple have become Mr and Mrs Banapple. I really like that.

AmandaPandtheNightmareMonsters · 27/09/2013 18:15

If you marry you will all change to your DP's surname - is your DD's biological dad on board with that?

I ask because a friend did this. DD had her name. Met and married DH and changed her name. DD2 & DD3 have his name. DD1's dad, despite not being in her life, will not consent to a name change. So DD1 doesn't have anyone who shares her name but her maternal grandmother (grandfather deceased). Which I think she finds tough.

AmandaPandtheNightmareMonsters · 27/09/2013 18:16

Sorry, phrased that badly. I shouldn't have said 'biological dad' in the first sentence. I was thinking of the example of my friend I was about to give where it is very much 'biological dad' and 'dad'. Your situation could be very different with an involved co-parent and that could sound insulting. Sorry.

Sadie204 · 27/09/2013 19:46

DD1 was born before I married DH but we were engaged at the time. Gave her his surname as she would always be his DD too even if we weren't together. Have since had 2 more DC with a 4th on the way and they all have/will have the same surname. Only thing I had to do was to change my name on DD1's registration of birth as it still had my maiden name on once we married.

Andanotherthing123 · 27/09/2013 22:57

We married but I kept my name. DH very supportive of double barrelling our surnames for kids. Worked for us, but it is a huuuuge name and the kids might just be able to spell it by the time they're 13. At a push. We have agreed that if the kids want to drop one of the names when they're older that's fine with us too.

Quodlibet · 28/09/2013 08:21

I was thinking along the same lines as Amanda. Surely one thing to consider is consistency for DD1 so she doesn't end up with a totally different name to the rest of the family. The easiest and fairest thing IMO would be to double-barrell the new baby. If you and DP marry in the future you can double-barrel if you want, but this way everyone still shares a name. (I'm not married and our baby will be Baby Hisname Myname when it is born). I also think the parent who pushes the child out of an oriface gets the final say on naming them.

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