Calling people who have kept their own surname or double barrelled and given their DC their maiden name as an extra middle name ....

[nappyaddict]

Sorry for long title but I'm after some rather specific people

Are your DC known as First Name Extra Middle Name Surname

Or are they just known as First Name DP/Hs Surname

I really really want any future DC to be known by both my surname and DPs.

DP doesn't want them to have a double-barrelled surname.

I wondered if giving them my maiden name as an extra middle name could be a compromise but would they actually be known by both names or would it just be DPs surname that they would be known by?

Just give them your surname.

DS's middle name is my maiden surname and his surname is DH's surname. My surname is often used as a firstname (especially in the US, where I'm from, although there is a famous British cyclist who has it) and I thought about giving it to DS as a firstname (again, popular in US to do that) but DH wasn't keen. DS is known as Firstname DHsurname. His nursery asked me if his name was double-barreled and I looked puzzled for a minute at the director.

Didn't go that route with DD, though gave her a middle name that has been in my family - the firstname of a grandmother and a beloved aunt who died a week after DD was born.

I had always thought when I got married I'd insist on "keeping" my name. I do use it at work, but that's because I'm a lawyer and the admin hassle of changing it after practicing for 14 years is too unbearable to contemplate. For everything else I have "taken" my DH's surname. I have since realised it is SO NOT A BIG DEAL. My family certainly never expected me to keep using "their" name (which in most cases is really only one's father's name anyway, at least in the English-speaking world). I also have 3 brothers, although none of them have sons nor are they likely to, and a couple of male cousins on my father's side who have sons. It really doesn't matter.

but middle name doesn't have status or recognition of surname
official documents will ask for forenames and surname
if you make your surname a middle name then it's not same as surname

it would end up as Child HisSurname, as surnames what school,nhs, GP will use. if you want your own name passing on then use it as a surname

why does dp not want double barreled?
will he drop his name to go for single surname?

As a schoolteacher I can tell you right now that unless you hyphenate, the ch will be known by first name/last name and the middle one will be lost.

As another schoolteacher I can tell you right now that regardless of whether or not you choose to hyphenate, the child will be known by the surname/s that you record in the school application form/new entrants form/equivalent.... until s/he is old enough to do his/her own thing with names!

There are four children in my current class who have hyphen-free double surnames e.g. Smith Jones.

Hijacking this very interesting thread to ask if anyone's changed their DC's surname or middle name to reflect your maiden name, afterwards?

Sorry, that sounds a bit confusing, but what I mean is if my DS is called Firstname Dhsurname (which he is, with a perfectly lovely middle name), how would I go about adding my name in there, now that he's two? I kept my surname after marriage (as any sensible girl would ) but when it came to registering my son's birth I didn't give it much thought because I was still laid up after a horrific labour and registered him with DH's really rather nice surname. Two years on I'm now expecting number two and it bothers me that I'm going to be so outnumbered in my own family...

Like many others, I'm not keen ondouble-barrelling and don't want to change my name. Actually, now that I think about it, perhaps I should give DC2 my surname, even things out?

Someone further up said someone had given their DS' their DH's surname and the DDs' their own surname. I like this idea in theory but don't know of anyone with siblings with the same father that have different surnames.

Noclue - Assuming your DH agrees, I think you can change you son's name pretty easily by deed poll to formally add in the extra name.

nappyaddict - would you really want siblings with different names in practice (in this country where it isn't standard) though. What if you only had boys? What if you had three boys and one girl? How would you feel about the 'bargain' then - would it be fine, or would you feel cross if your name didn't get used/was outnumbered? I've been on threads where this has been discussed in the past and people have disagreed with me, but I feel splitting the children's surnames rather reinforces an anti-feminist stereotype - boys 'go' with dad, girls 'go' with mum - that I wouldn't be keen on.

It also wouldn't work in my family cos DS already has my name.

DH and I both changed our names on marriage to Mysurname Hissurname (no hyphen). We wanted to have the same names and I wanted to keep mine, as it was a part of my identity (even my initials are apt) and DH's surname made me sound like an old lady!

It causes all sorts of confusion having no hyphen, as others have mentioned some computers won't accept it without a hyphen, others assume its a middle name, so my prescriptions are always in the wrong compartment!

If we'd realised what fun and games it would cause I'd have probably dropped my name and accepted his (or vice versa as this is one area where he is surprisingly egalitarian).

DCs all have the same names but are welcome to drop one/both of them when they are older.

Ah, didn't realise you already had a son. If it isn't a rude question, does he have the same dad as the new baby? I'm thinking maybe not or the whole surname thing might have been negotiated when he was born?

I'm a mega traditionalist in my own way when it comes to names. I changed my name on marriage not to take DH's name, but because I wanted our future children to all have the same name as both of us. (I didn't fancy any of the other options, like picking a new name or both double barrelling). Personally if I was you I would be pushing for DP to change to your name and have everyone the same. His surname could be a middle name. Am I right in guessing that's not a runner?

He would never change to mine in a million zillion years. No way! He wants to carry his name and all the history that goes with it on. He's also big into tradition and obviously taking on the woman's name is very untraditional.

DS has a different father, but has nothing to do with him.

I kept my surname.

The children are First name/Middle name from my family (obviously from me as foreign, goes with my surname)/My surname/DH's surname.

They are known as First Name/DH's surname or Initial Initial Initial DH's Surname.

I would have preferred for them to have my surname last, but compromised.

I suspected as much. Very few men are happy to change IME.

If your DS has your name, to me it would be quite important to get your name in somewhere visible. I would go with both names as surnames but without the hyphen probably.

It's so hard isn't it. I had a friend in roughly your situation. She had been with her now DH since her DD was tiny. DD had her surname. When her DD2 was born, DD1 (who was 11, so slightly stroppy tween anyway) became quite upset that she didn't have the same surname as her sibling and dad. She went through a phase where, despite always having called him dad, she went back to calling him by his first name. She wanted to change her name, but couldn't because they couldn't get the agreement of her biological father (who she has never met). For that reason, if I were ever in the situation I'd try and get some 'overlap' between the sibling surnames. Although I do realise that's just one anecdote.

I have. But my last name is an actual male name so I got away with a 'normal' middle name that's my name too. It was my way of passing on my family's name even though middle names do tend to be meaningless. We did bypass the tradition of our families giving their fathers name as a Middle Name to the eldest son.

Also, me and DP aren't married so some people have assumed he has my surname. I've had people ask 'so his name is Harry Gilbert Gilbert?!' (example - not DS' real name :) ) Umm, no. He is Harry Gilbert (me) Surname (DP)

I kept my surname when we got married because I considered myself too old to change it (27!) and my family were almost extinct at the time and I didn't want the name to die out. We have two sons, now 17 and 21. The oldest has his first two forenames followed by two surnames (no hyphen) and the youngest has three forenames followed by the two surnames, again without a hyphen. No problems with this at all, they are aways known as the two surnames. I rather expected that over a period of time they would chose to use just one of the surnames, but it hasn't happened.

DD has Given Name, my surname as middle name, her fathers surname as surname. My surname is very much a surname.

It's a really common thing to do in the area of NW England where my family is from (although DD and I are Londoners so it does cause some confusion)

Don't hyphenate the surname, put both in surname box, use his only for general use but the two names will be on official forms.

E.g. Assuming you are Jones and he is Smith,

Tarquin Oliver Jones Smith can then be known as any of Tarquin Jones, Tarquin Smith or Tarquin Jones Smith at school etc?

It never occurred to me to change my name on marriage, and our new baby has both our surnames, no hyphen. If for some legal reason, only one surname had been possible, it would have been mine.

higgle How come you didn't hyphenate your DS' surnames?

PullUpAPew Why do you say not to hyphenate?

YoullLaugh Did your friend have the same surname as her DD, or did she take on her DH's surname?

She kept her name, so DD1 and my friend had the same surname, and then her DH and DD2 had a different one. I think that the DD1 saw it as a bit 'them and us'. She felt she fitted with her mum, and distanced herself from her (non-biological) dad . That might be the age she was at the time as much as anything though...

YoullLaugh This is what I've been saying to DP. If DS stays as his name and me, DP and future DC have one name he's going to feel really alienated when he's older.

If you don't hyphenate, although it makes no difference legally, it feels less a new, hybridised name and more like the two parents' surnames names given equal status in the surname box - that's my take anyway.

The hyphen is meaningless, people can do it either way, but it just looks different IMO.

Slambang explains the idea behind not hyphenating upthread

That's the risk isn't it nappyaddict? I have seen people on other similar threads who have said it hasn't been an issue in their families. But in real life I only know one family where that exact issue has come up and it was quite a big issue for quite a while. I think it's especially an issue if you have a number of children with your DP. If there are two siblings who have different names, that's probably easier than feeling that two or three siblings all 'match' and you are the odd one out.