Thoughts on having the same name as a friends baby?

[justasmallglass]

Considering Charlie for DS2, however friend's 6 month old has the same name. We are in touch but don't see each other every week. Acceptable to steal?

i think Charlie is a common enough name that it is fine, if it was a REALLY unusual name then i probably wouldnt, when preg with ds3 we were going to call him Arlo, we never mentioned this to anyone, so how suprised was i when a friend of mine (through a toddler group) had her baby two weeks before me and used the name Arlo! as it is not a common name we then didnt use it, but they subsequently moved and we didnt stay in touch so i wish we had of done tbh, as it is we gave the name Arlo to ds4 as middle name :)

Charlie's a great name -if it's your first/preferred choice, I'd go for it. Based on the situation you've described, doesn't sound like it should be a problem.

Did you always have charlie in mind or did you think of it when you heard it used for friends so

No, I wouldn't use it, this happened to me. Years ago I'd mentioned that I'd liked the name Amelia to someone at a family gathering almost a year later they had a DD and used the name. I was a little shocked but since I wasn't even planning a child I didn't think too deeply about it. A few years later I'm pregnant and we consider Amelia. However, I couldn't bring myself to use it, the name just didn't feel unique to us there would have been two Amelia's in the family. Even though we never see them we decided against it. Really glad we never went for it because Amelia is so popular now and even though I think it is a beautiful name I have gone off it.

It all depends on your friend, really. My impulse would be to say 'ask her', but if you're not prepared to change, then there won't be any point. It varies so much and people feel incredibly strongly about it. Be prepared for any reaction! Having said that, Charlie isn't at all unusual and so she's going to be expecting others surely.

We had a similar situation but reversed, being that we were 'Charlie's parents'. Our friend who wanted to use our DS1's name (a very common but still lovely name) asked us if they would mind if they used the name for their expected DS1 and we said yes, and in a way were a little honoured and felt it affirmed that it is a good name (sounds silly and egotistical but you all know the emotions & doubts surrounding name choosing).

Then we had the same situation as you for our DS2, we liked a name less common but the same as friends of ours DS2. We contacted them and asked if it was ok and they were over joyed and felt the same as we did when we were asked for DS1's name.

We live in separate countries to both the namesakes but it is always a little special when we get together as our LOs have a little special tie.

Is she likely to ask you if you've thought of any names yet? If/when she does I would casually say, actually we both must have good taste because we've always loved the name Charlie.

Harder for me was a friend using my 'name that got away' for DD2 because DH totally totally vetoed it. It wasn't a name that was SOOO common it was weird or anything. But I did feel wistful.

Would be flattered if someone picked the DDs names they did get, no probs at all.

charlie is 4th in the name rankings this year, and 5th in 2012. this would suggest that they aren't that bothered about having a unique/unusual name. if it was 50+ in the rankings, i would check first with the other parents, but unless you are best buddies i wouldn't worry.

i still wouldn't do it because i wouldn't want the same name as another friend and copying someone like this is a bit limp and unimaginative.

SOrry - SO UNCOMMON. It was common enough it wasn't creepy they chose it, if you see what I mean, when they knew I liked it but DH had vetoed/

ha, this thread made me think - my mum was friends with a lady all through my childhood, and when she had her baby around the same time as my mum had my little sis, the other lady's baby was named with my name! We grew up together known as Big X and Little X and until this very moment it never actually occurred to me that any 'stealing' had gone on at all!

Personally I find it a very unimaginative - not only is Charlie already used by thousands others (being 4th in the UK overall) but it is also already the name of your friend's 6 month old.

Is there really NO other name you love? Perhaps one that might identify your ds a little better (after all, we name people/things to IDENTIFY them).

i wanted to use my god-daughter's sisters name. i loved it. when my daughter was born, however, i couldn't use it - because my god-daughter, who was then 13, was going through a period of hating her own name... and had even changed it to an anglicised version. By choosing her sisters name - even though i had longer for it for years and years - I worried it would feel like a personal slight. Her mother had the same concern but told me i should go ahead and use it anyway. I wanted to, but I couldn't. In the end I used a Spanish version of the name I liked. And it's also lovely.

Hardly stealing - Charlie is an immensely popular name.

It's a popular name so why not use it.It is not stealing - the name has not been copyrighted :)

I just don't get all the people saying it's so "unimaginative" as Charlie is ranked whatever in the name league table this year.

If you and your OH both love the name and want to give the name to your DS then go for it! If I were looking for a name, I would go for something that we both love, I'd been curious to know where it was in terms of popularity but ultimately if I liked it I'd go for it. Seems to be a lot of over-thinking that goes into baby names nowadays.

Re your friend, it is a tricky one- however, I would say that there is no point seeking their 'permission' to use it if you are not prepared to change to something else in the event that they are unhappy with your choice.

Meh, there are enough posters on here saying they did not use a name to spare a friend the upset, now said friend is no longer in touch/a friend/never see them.

I'd say the really awkward situation it's in the family e.g. two SILs wanting to use the same name for similar aged children...bit trickier to resolve.

I'm with the 'no one owns a name' camp. Honestly, I think its a little bit weird to be upset or to think that someone 'stole' a name, especially when it is a relatively common name. I get why you might want to talk about it with the person beforehand, but why on earth would you need ask permission from someone? It's not like they've copyrighted the name!!

I think the only thing to take into consideration is if you think the children will see each other a lot growing up, in which case it might be a little confusing with them having the same name. But then with a name like Charlie (and I say this as someone who has Charlie in their shortlist for any future DSs!) there's a pretty high chance there will be a Charlie in their class at school.

One of my closest friends used a name that I'd always imagined using for a DS when her DS was born last year. The extra twist is that our children coincidentally have the same surname, so if I did use the name we would have identically name sons. I've gone a little off the name now because I know our children will see a lot of each other growing up, but still - if we had a DS, and he felt like an 'xxxxx', I would go with the name.

My friend named her baby DD the same name as my DD, my DD was 5yo at the time, and it's an unusual name. I was pleased that she did, because it affirms my good choice. DD was also happy, because she now has a mini-me. The name really is unusual though, it's regional and we no longer live in the original region. I think DD is reassured that she's not the only "xxxxxx" in the world!

I'm with Amandine07, I think it's really rude to call someone's choice of name "unimaginative". How can choosing a name you love for your DC be unimaginative, whether it's in the top 10 or outside the top 1000?

I think it's fine - if they had a really unusual name - chosen because they wanted it to be unusual - then you shouldn't steal it - but charlie is common anyway so if you like it, use it.

The way I see it, your child is going to have the name for probably far longer than you'll be friends with someone.

What if you DON'T use the name, and you fall out with the friend 2 days later, never to speak again?

Or you move away and rarely see her? Or she moves away?

Ignore the slightly bitchy "unimaginative" brigade. It's quite simple; if you love the name above all others, use it.

Why is imagination a criteria for choosing a name? If you like it, go for it!

My dh has the same name as no fewer than 3 of his cousins. That's how imaginative they are in his family. So what? The 4 of them don't spend their entire lives in the same room, it's hardly a problem. No one seems to think anything of it.

I can't believe people have nothing better to do than worry about such trivia.

I think it depends on the friend, some are bothered, others are chuffed but tbh if you are picking a really really popular name, your friend doesn't have much of a leg to stand on, but I think it is a bit unoriginal and personally I would pick something else!

When we were expecting DS1, we had 10 names and then waited to see him before deciding. I didn't want him to be in a class full of the same name so used our initial choice as middle name (he had two in his class as it was), went for another name on the list (ended up being the only one with that name in whole school). But all our friends knew our list... consciously or not, of our friends who had baby boys over the couple of years, at least 5 of them chose one of our other names!!! It was quite nice in many ways, glad we didn't have a boy as second child too though as it would have made picking names challenging! Our backup girls name was also taken by another friend! When expecting DD, we only had 5 names (1st choice already gone) and again we used two of them. Another friend used one of our choices few weeks later! So we ended up with two kids who have normal but not common first names and a middle name which was in the top 10 for their birth year, so hopefully they won't be too embarrassed by either, but you never can tell!

In DD's class there is 5 James/Jamie/Jaime's and they are all know by the first name and surname. It's so much less personal when you have too many of the same name in one class/school, lots of different names makes each child stand out more as an individual! It's certainly worth considering how popular the name will be and if you want them to be the only one in class or one of several!

I can't actually believe that people would care about this. Nobody owns a name! If a friend of mine got upset that I used the same name as her I'd be questioning whether I wanted to be friends with someone so petty.