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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

Thoughts on having the same name as a friends baby?

106 replies

justasmallglass · 24/03/2012 21:31

Considering Charlie for DS2, however friend's 6 month old has the same name. We are in touch but don't see each other every week. Acceptable to steal?

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bringmesunshine2009 · 24/03/2012 23:45

If I liked the person using the name I had picked I'd be thrilled and flattered. If I didn't like the person, it might be a different story...

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 24/03/2012 23:58

I wouldn't mind at all in that situation, in fact I would think it was flattering.

clicketyclick66 · 25/03/2012 02:32

I was called the same name as my cousin who is 18 months older than me. She lives in the UK and I'm in Ireland, as a result our names are pronounced differently. My aunt was furious with my mother, asking was there not 1000 other names she could have chosen. When I look back, I think it was silly of my mother - I would never have called any of my children the same as my brother's children!

otterface · 25/03/2012 02:40

A close friend recently gave her newborn dd the same, fairly unusual (well known but not much used anymore) name as my two-year-old. She knows my dd pretty well and the two girls will see each other now and then as they grow up.

But my two-year-old isn't actually the first person on Earth ever to have this first name either, so I really don't see any reason why my friend wouldn't be every bit as entitled to use it as I was. Whether hearing it used in relation to my dd is what put it in her mind or whether they'll see each other every day or once a decade is completely beside the point.

Your child's name is one of the first, and certainly the most lasting, gift you will ever give to them. You should give your child the name you love most, not the name least likely to cause offense to people so self-centered that they can't even recognise that the naming of your child isn't actually about them.

dreamingbohemian · 25/03/2012 02:49

Sorry, but I think it's insane that people get upset over people stealing their baby names.

I really like Charlie!

Chilenachica · 25/03/2012 05:01

For me it would depend how close you are, as in siblings, best friends, more of an acquaintance, and if the person choosing a name was prone to copying in general. Just try to avoid what my OH did, his assistant had a son. No problem until we got a dog 6 months later- yep same name as the baby.

BreastmilkDoesAFabLatte · 25/03/2012 07:52

When SIL was pregnant and found out she was having a boy, my brother rang to ask if we minded them using DS' middle name for his first name... I really didn't see the problem. DH shares a name with one of his cousins... they're just knows as BigDHname and LittleDHname.

babybrain3 · 25/03/2012 08:07

My cousin named her ds the same as mine. I just thought it a bit odd, but as I never see her really it's not an issue.

gazzalw · 25/03/2012 08:18

There are so many names in the world but on the other hand probably only a handful that one would really choose for one's child. I would go for it but flag it up to friend too. Charlie is sufficiently popular that it is going to appeal to lots of people so don't think she will be offended.

Generally think one would be more likely to have a problem with a really unusual name.

In a way like-minded friends are more likely to choose similar names because they share similar traits etc..... Two of our ante-natal group named their DDs 'Emma' within a matter of a year of each other and they didn't seem to bat an eyelid about the duplication.

But there are lots of Charlies out there. Could you not consider it as a middle name and review your first name options?

Clara35 · 25/03/2012 08:44

A colleague of mine had her dd 3 months after mine & called her same name as my dd. At the time I was miffed but now realise she shouldn't have go with a 2nd choice name just to spare my feelings. We still work together 9 years later & its all fine. Go with the name you love but be prepared that your friend might be annoyed. I agree that you should mention it before hand as I think that was part of problem with me as my colleague hadn't said she liked my choice when we used to discuss names at lunch time.

shushpenfold · 25/03/2012 08:46

We gave up the name which we would have preferred for our ds as our friends named their son 4 months previous to us. We see them 1-2 times a year and we should have just gone for it......having said that, my ds Charlie really suits his name!!!!

quickhide · 25/03/2012 08:53

No biggie- I have 2 friends with baby Evas 6 months apart. When the first one gave birth, the second one was very forthright in a jokey way about how she had 'stolen' her name. But she still used it and neither of them are bothered, after all it's a common name.

GetDownNesbitt · 25/03/2012 09:08

Unless the name is completely unique, how on earth can it be stolen??

seeker · 25/03/2012 09:17

I think it wouldn't have mattered in the past, but people seem to invest so much into names nowadays that I don't think it's acceptable. The way people think about it now, if you had told her that it was your favourite name, then she was in the wrong for choosing it, but if you didn't and then you use then it it looks as if you're copying. It's a bizarre way of thinking, to my mind, but the you go!

differentnameforthis · 25/03/2012 09:35

My dd2 has the same as my closest friend' s daughter. It was the only name I really liked & because she is in the UK (I'm in Oz) we didn't think it was an issue. Her dd is very chuffed to have a 'mini me' . Ironically, they also share the same birthday.

AwkwardMary · 25/03/2012 09:39

WHen a friend did this to us we were abslutely gobsmacked...couldn't belive it...I think it's beyond rude. There are so many OTHER names...why choose ours?

Greythorne · 25/03/2012 09:40

I think if it is a popular name like Tom or Olivia, it's fine.

If it's Peregrine or Araminta, I i don't think it's on.

shushpenfold · 25/03/2012 09:44

awkward - you don't own names though. Both our friends and us had separately chosen the names, were due at the same time, we m/c and then they had their ds several months in advance to us...it happens and given my time again I would have just used the name. if it's important to you its bound to be just as important to them.

Ephiny · 25/03/2012 09:45

I don't think it's 'stealing' - it's such a popular mainstream name that they could hardly think you'd only chosen it because they did. I could understand them being a bit if they'd chosen something very unusual or 'unique' in the hope of their child having a distinctive name, but even then no one owns a name!

Might be a bit confusing if you and the DCs spent a lot of time together, but if it's someone you only see occasionally I really wouldn't worry.

FamiliesShareGerms · 25/03/2012 09:46

Isn't it just confusing to have two kids with the same name in a group of friends / family? I know it happens anyway at school etc, but why knowingly create that situation?

exoticfruits · 25/03/2012 09:50

Unless you and the boys are going to be lifelong friends I don't see that it matters. I had lots of friends with DCs the same age when they were babies and toddlers-we all moved on. To tell DS he didn't have a certain name because I had a friend 20 yrs ago, who used it would seem rather silly-especially as he has no memory of the friend!

shopalot · 25/03/2012 09:56

We have a Thomas and a close friend asked me if we minded as it was a name they love. I was flattered.... Depends on the friend.

RobinSparkles · 25/03/2012 10:00

My DD2 has the same name as my friend's DD. There are only two weeks between them too (her DD is 2 weeks older so it looks a bit like we totally copied but we didn't, it was purely coincidental).

We had decided, before we were even ttc, that if we were ever to have another DD we would call her that name.

Then I ended up pg at the same time as my friend and I never discussed names. When she announced the name I was and I did consider changing but we couldn't find another name that DH liked. I did ask her if she minded and she didn't. It's quite a classic name so it's not like it's unusual for lots of people to share the name anyway.

We call our DD a shortened version of the name anyway, so it's less confusing!

33goingon64 · 25/03/2012 10:36

I am interested in knowing why it might bother someone to have their choice of name used by a friend. Do they think it's going to bother the DCs to have the same name as a friend? By the time they go to school there will be 100s of Charlies. I think it's more that we all set too much store by names that we think will define our DCs so if it's 'stolen' we think they will somehow be less unique as a person. What rubbish. It's just a name. If you like it, use it.

Also, have you actually asked your friend if she would mind? If you don't have the sort of friendship where you can be honest with each other, maybe it's not worth making this concession to her.

Having said this, I would find it bordering on creepy if I had chosen a very unusual name and a friend knew it was my choice and used it before me. But I am sure I would get over it. There are lots of names out there.

Coconutty · 25/03/2012 10:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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