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Original poster

Thoughts on having the same name as a friends baby?

106 replies

justasmallglass · 24/03/2012 21:31

Considering Charlie for DS2, however friend's 6 month old has the same name. We are in touch but don't see each other every week. Acceptable to steal?

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EllenJaneisnotmyname · 25/03/2012 10:50

I have two friends who were best friends at college, they were both due their first DC within a few weeks of each other, and they both loved the name Matthew. They discussed it and both used it. They are still good friends but don't live close so the two aren't in the same class or anything. If you love the name, who cares if there are others with it? If you do care, then you'd probably choose a more unusual name, even if it wasn't so nice. There will be other Charlies anyway, as it's a lovely, therefore popular, name.

catsareevil · 25/03/2012 10:52

It is pretty unimaginative.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 25/03/2012 10:54

I can see it might be a problem with close family members, expecially if the surname will be the same, but not amongst friends, if a friend took offence to my choice of child's name I would take that as a sign that that friendship just wasn't meant to be.

BeazerSqueezer · 25/03/2012 11:42

Don't do it...! Or at least check first they are okay about it... Before I got pregnany, my friend used the name I told her I "loved" so now both our girls have the same (not all that common) name, which is okay, but not ideal...

Mollydoggerson · 25/03/2012 11:51

I think it is totally fine and anyone getting upset about it has little to worry about.

You chose a name, they chose a name, it stands to reason people of the same age/interests/friends may have similar tastes in names. I've never known any adult to have a chip on their shoulder about other people having the same name as them.

DoubleGlazing · 25/03/2012 11:52

It's not as if you'd never heard of the name Charlie before this person used it. So you're not "copying" them.

Harecare · 25/03/2012 13:19

It all depends on whether they'd have called their DS Charlie if they knew that's what you were going to choose. If like some of us they'd have steered clear because they'd prefer not to have the same name as a friend, then they will be annoyed as they can't do anything about it now. The only way to find out is to ask them. If they mind it doesn't mean they are unreasonable, but it would be unkind not to ask now that you have begun to consider their feelings on it.

melika · 25/03/2012 14:15

Bit awkward if you ask me, but if you really like it, go for it!

CalamityKate · 25/03/2012 14:29

I just don't get the "unacceptable" camp. At all.

a) Nobody "owns" names.

b) If you had a Charlie and then SUBSEQUENTLY met and befriended another Mum, would you then say "Oh, what a shame! We get on really well but we can't be friends because, well, obviously our children have the same name and it would just all be too confusing"!

If you'd pick the name anyway, pick it.

darlingdds2 · 25/03/2012 14:33

I'd be pleased and think what good taste you have! I don't see how someone can be upset. Why would they be?

sarahtigh · 25/03/2012 14:45

our DD has same second name as my sisters DD who is a year older, my Dh really wanted it as first name as in his family using family names is very important, so as second name was a compromise which my sister is fine with as I explained to my mother and when DD was born just said she is baby tigh and her second name is after DH granny so everyone knew why that was second name,
we purposefully did not ask my siter if it was OK first because it is harder if they say no to go ahead anyway so if you are going to call charlie don't tell her before charlie arrives

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 25/03/2012 15:14

I agree, if you are going to go ahead anyway, don't ask, if they are unhappy about it that would make things even worse.

milly26 · 25/03/2012 15:20

Do it, I had always said I would name my daughter a certain name if I had another, everybody knew, when my friend got pregnant she told me that she was considering that name if she had a daughter (its quite unusual) and I didn't mind it's a beautiful name why wouldn't she want it :-) it wouldn't stop me from using it in the future!

fhdl34 · 25/03/2012 15:27

Our boy name was used by my friend when her DS was born. She asked what i thought of the name, I told her it was our choice if we were ever lucky enough to have a child and a boy (we had trouble TTC) but to go ahead and use it if she wanted to as it didn't bother us (although I was a bit Envy that she'd had her 4th baby and I couldn't even get pregnant). By the time I was pregnant, I'd come to be very close to two other people with sons of the same name but it was a family name so we weren't about to change it. Had a girl in the end anyway

Meglet · 25/03/2012 16:07

I wouldn't. But I'm a bit obsessive about giving children less popular names as my RL is common as muck and it's a PITA.

Maryz · 25/03/2012 16:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Whorulestheroost · 25/03/2012 17:18

Seems a bit silly to be, nobody owns a name do they? We have friends who have two children with the exact same names as my two, we are off on holiday together in a couple of weeks so it should be interesting :)

spannermary · 25/03/2012 17:49

Why not go for Charles on the certificate...and then call him Charlie? That way it's not the same.

We were considering Carys for a girl, but our cousin named her child that a few months ago (completely unaware it was on our list!)

At that point we considered Cerys and Charis.

...but we're having a boy. :)

lazarusb · 25/03/2012 18:26

My dcs 2 & 3 both have the same names as our friends' (older) children. We'd chosen names before we started ttc but my friends were fortunate enough to fall pg quicker than me!
It's never been a problem for any of us though. Dd's name is quite popular, ds's is unusual in this country.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 25/03/2012 18:37

Cripes, I couldn't give a stuff. This name ownership thing is seriously weird.

It might be a bit different if the name was very unusual, but Charlie is hardly unique, is it?

CeliaFate · 25/03/2012 18:59

I can't believe people actually use the phrase, "They stole OUR name." Get over yourself! Do you honestly think that much of yourself that you believe people deliberately copied you?
Maybe they love the name and figure that naming their child takes precedence over who has the same name!

Geranium3 · 25/03/2012 19:09

I also don't understand possession of a name.if anything i would feel flattered that they thought i had such good taste!!!

LIttleMcF · 25/03/2012 19:58

Totally agree that no-one 'owns' a name. I truly could not care less if someone used the same names as us - I would be flattered but certainly not angry! My sis wants to use the male version of our DD's name if she has a boy - I really have no problem with it.

Like many others say, if the name is common place anyway, it's bonkers to think someone else isn't going to like and use it. There are some circumstances where a bit of sensitivity is needed, but generally, I would be a little baffled at someone thinking they have more 'right' to a name than someone else.

Stellan · 25/03/2012 20:06

If the only reason the name has come to your contemplation is because your friend named his or her child it, I would either not use it at all or proceed with caution. Tell your friend of your intention to use it. I wouldn't go as far as asking permission but I think it would be polite, and avoid awkwardness, to inform her.

If it is a more commonplace name that you have been made aware of through other sources (i.e. it hasn't just popped in your mind because your friend named her son it), use it with a clean conscience but still politely tell your friend.

threestars · 25/03/2012 20:52

Using the same name in a family, I can understand someone being upset, but not friends, and not with a popular name like Charlie.
If you were really really close and likely to be in each others' lives forever, then you should be close enough to discuss it. If you're not then it shouldn't be an issue.
I wouldn't be offended!