CVS Yesterday - Feel emotionally drained

[peelprincess]

After stumbling across the termination thread yesterday, I am so overwhelmed by the wonderful support you show each other on this board. I read through the stories on here last night and did a lot of crying. I am amazed that there are so many of you with similar situations and emotions to what I am going through.

I now feel brave enough to stop hovering and tell my story so far - albeit a short one.

First scan on Monday showed increased fluid around the baby's head and neck (5.5mm)and we were sent up to Fetal Medicine Unit at the specialist hospital yesterday. They did a scan and the fluid is 6.7mm so not looking good. There is also fluid measuring 1.5mm over the heart. The consultants told us they are pretty certain the baby is going to have a serious chromosomal disorder or fatal heart or skeletal problem and there is a very high chance that the baby will die over the next few weeks.

They asked if I wanted to terminate yesterday but I decided to carry on and have the CVS (which both my husband and I previously discussed) as we are just not ready to say goodbye yet. I had the biopsy yesterday afternoon.

We get the initial results on Monday or Tuesday. They said yesterday that if the results come back normal and I want to continue with the pregnancy then I will have to wait until my 20 week scan for the heart and skeletal tests (I am 13 weeks). They did stress that with an NT measurement so high, there was hardly any chance our baby would be ok.

We are both devastated. It's been so hard, seeing the baby moving and with a strong heartbeat on the scans. I feel a total bond already. I am up and down emotionally and feel an enormous sense of guilt over ultimately having to make such a massive decision. I just feel in a way that I need to find out as much information about the baby's condition as possible before I make any decisions. That the baby deserves a chance. Maybe I am just prolonging the agony for us both.

I have a healthy 10 yo dd from a previous relationship and this is mine and my husband's first child. I am 29. My dd knows I am pregnant and she is overjoyed, I cannot tell her anything at the moment - I just dont know what to say.

Thanks for reading and letting me offload.

Well, just got back from scan and more positive news. Fluid has now reduced from 6.7mm to 2.7mm and fluid on stomach has disappeared.

She was moving about and we could see her opening and closing her mouth! Sonographer said everything looks fine but obviously not definitive until my 20 week scans back up at the FMU, but all in all a positive experience!

Arianasmummy and witlesssarah, thinking of you both - please let us know how you get on.

Got my full results this afternoon and unfortunately it isn't all clear. Its a very rare abnormality on the 9th chromosone. we have another appointment tomorrow, don't really know how we're going to carry on. Feel very numb.

Peelprincess

Thank goodness - you must also remember that they will always err on the side of caution. They won't want to say anything just in case, so if the sonographer said it looks fine, i'd be very happy with that. I bet you must be so relieved.

Witlesssarah

I really don't know what to say. I don't understand what the abnormality is so don't know the right words to say.

All i can say is that i will be thinking of you both when you have your appointment tomorrow.

Take care of yourselves,

Marie

Witlesssarah, I am so sorry to hear that. I can't imagine what you must be going through.

Just want to echo Arianasmummy and say I will be thinking of you tomorrow. x

I'm so sorry Witlesssarah.

Peelprincess, that's great, I'm thrilled for you.
We can have hope now that our 20 week scans are positive too.

Just wanted to add a positive message - I was scanned at 12 weeks and refered to a london hospital as they measured a high nuchal fold of 6.5mm we was given a cvs and and they took bloods and scanned and was told there was a 1 in 4 chance of a chromosone defect (this was also because they couldnt at that time see a nasal bone which was also common in down's)

Our CVS came back negative and we had to wait until our 20 week scan to see if any other abnormalities were detected - I spent weeks crying at my desk, crying to sleep and worrying myself sick over my babies health but when I had my 20 week scan they couldn't find any abnormalities.

My son is now 13 months old and he is a normal toddler starting to try and babble ta momma dadda, crawing, climing etc. playing happily with his older sister.

I hope my story will help some of you, never give up. My thoughts are with you all.

It's really great to read about positive outcomes, thanks mummyd2010.
Even though I've been getting these positive results back so far, I still feel scared. The fluid is really clearly visible on my 12 week scan picture, and it seems huge. I keep thinking that can't happen for no reason, there must be something they just haven't found yet.
It does help to ease the anxiety, reading positive stories.

Ladies,

Just to let you know that my results are back, and they are not good. They have confirmed the baby has downs. We are absoultely gutted especially as there is no way of knowing the severity.

We are now waiting for the local hospital midwifes to contact us re an appointment tomorrow to discuss further.

Thankyou for all your support, and i wish you better luck with your results.

Marie

Oh Arianasmummy I'm so sorry to hear your news. Its such a shock, and so much to take in. We're two days further down the road, having met the geneticist yesterday. It feels like forever since Monday. Be as gentle as you can with yourself and take time to think and feel things through

take care

Just a quick message to Arianasmummy and Witlesssarah - hope you are both as well as can be expected and I am thinking of you. x

thanks for your thoughts peelprincess. Our abnormality was incompatible with life. Our baby girl died and was born yesterday, I'm still very raw today though the process itself was more bearable than I expected. It was good to be with her body for awhile to feel some reality for the problems she had (we could see the hygroma clearly). I don't expect to recover very quickly.

I send you every wish for a happy outcome, I'm sure its possible now you are through those hurdles, especially with the fluid reducing.

Witlesssarah I'm so very sorry for your loss. Look after yourself x

Witlesssarah, I cannot imagine how hard it must be for you at the moment. I have thought about the possibility of facing a similar situation many times over the last month and found it too hard to consider.

I'm glad you found comfort being with your daughter after her birth and it is such a brave thing to do. Take care x

Just to update we had both the heart scan and detailed anomaly today and both were completely normal. So we have got the all clear and been told to go away and enjoy the remainder of the pregnancy.

I cannot tell you how relieved we both are and also hope it gives some hope to the families who have been given bleak nt results or blood statistics. Our nt measurement was extremely high and outcome was bleak. Keep strong and hang on in there. It's not easy, but it's not always bad news. X

wonderful news peelprincess I've been keeping an eye out for you. Do enjoy the rest of your pregnancy, your story gives hope for all those worrying

peelprincess I'm delighted for you, that's brilliant news!
I'm dangling for just a little while longer, my 20 week scan showed her heart to be ok, but one part of her brain is measuring smaller than it should.
Midwife is assuring me that it's not something to worry about and that it is because they couldn't get a good view. They also couldn't get a good view of her face, so I'm waiting for another scan next week.
There is still a thickness at the back of her neck but they don't measure it anymore and they don't seem concerned over it.

So things are looking positive but I can't seem to let go of the worry, which is silly. They've told me it's not something to worry about.

Was quite ill after the scan, went faint and wobbly, then had an awful panic attack at the station when I was about to go back to work. DH had to take me home and phone my boss for me.

It's stupid really that I'm still feeling this bad when I've been given such good news and everything is almost looking like it's going to be ok. I can't let go of the scary thoughts.

Thankyou Witlesssarah and hope you are doing ok.

Destruct - I would be exactly the same in your position. Instead of clinging to all the good news you are focussing on the little thing which was flagged up. I understand - after everything, I just don't think we are prepared to deal with the fact our babies may be born completely healthy after gearing ourselves up for so long that we were facing bad news. You must take comfort in all the positive news you were given and remember that it's a long way from what you were initially looking at. Please let us know how your scan goes. I'm sure it will all be fine x

Thankyou Witlesssarah and hope you are doing ok.

Destruct - I would be exactly the same in your position. Instead of clinging to all the good news you are focussing on the little thing which was flagged up. I understand - after everything, I just don't think we are prepared to deal with the fact our babies may be born completely healthy after gearing ourselves up for so long that we were facing bad news. You must take comfort in all the positive news you were given and remember that it's a long way from what you were initially looking at. Please let us know how your scan goes. I'm sure it will all be fine x