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Original poster

Sensitive subject. Medical or Early Surgical abortion, what were your experiences?

117 replies

notanun · 08/12/2009 14:44

I am just 4 weeks pregnant. I have seen the GP who is going to refer me.

I thought I wanted to go down the medical route so that it could be over sooner but reading around I have seen some horror stories about the level of pain/bleeding. But I think I deserve the pain.

I am so sorry if you have been there too but could I ask you what you did, how it was and whether you think the one is better than the other.

Please don't flame me. You can't hate me any more than I hate myself.

OP posts:
Original poster
notanun · 12/12/2009 13:09

I don't want to die. I have a dd and a dh. I want out of a situation I can't control. A&E is for people in real trouble.

Don't worry, I won't do anything silly. I'm just desperate and the desperation translates into terrible thoughts.

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izzybiz · 12/12/2009 13:16

I know it seems like a long time, but once you have had your first appointment, and are making your subsequent ones, you (well I felt!) feel a little more in control IYGWIM?

I think once you have made a definate decision about what you are going to do, you can sort of see an end to it.

You may not even need to wait that long, where you are things may be slightly different?

xx

Original poster
notanun · 12/12/2009 13:22

I know what I need to do. There has never been a question of not going through with it.

I just can't see an end to it. I've seen 2 GPs already. Then the FPC next Thursday. Then who? How many more appointments? How many weeks pg will I be at the end of it all? I'm trying to feel in control but I don't know what's happening. I can't talk about it again with another stranger but what else do the fpc want to see me for? There's nothing left to say.

pucca, thank you. I may just take you up on that offer.

OP posts:
izzybiz · 12/12/2009 13:45

Maybe the FPC will take you through each of the options properly telling you exactly what will be involved with each.

With mine, I went through our FPC, who gave me on signature and an appointment pack for a clinic in another town. I had to call them for an appointment, where I saw another doctor who gave me the second signature and made the appointment for the termination.

Original poster
notanun · 12/12/2009 14:01

So after the appointment with the fpc, another with a different doctor and then a wait for an appointment for the actual procedure.

It shouldn't be easy, gaining a termination, of course not but weeks of symptoms and anguish when the decision is made are so very difficult. I am acutely aware of the differences between private (it would have been done by now) and NHS (a wonderful institution) procedures. Still, perhaps it is part of the price to pay for getting myself into this situation in the first place.

OP posts:
izzybiz · 12/12/2009 18:00

Sorry have been out!

It does sound very long winded written down, in reality it was over a couple of weeks.

I understand of course though I was that bit further along. Like I say, may even be different where you are, someone earlier up the thread said they had a surgical at 6 weeks.

I hope it can be this way for you.

x

izzybiz · 12/12/2009 18:02

I should say too, the second clinic #I went to made the termination appointment over the phone while I was there, so I knew that day when I would be going in.

magnolia74 · 12/12/2009 21:36

I went from my first appt with FPC who gave me the referral letter and then phoned the clinic where the termination would take place the next day and was seen within a week.
Where abouts in the country are you, It sounds very long winded

Original poster
notanun · 12/12/2009 21:53

Norfolk.

Cow to human ratio quite astonishing. Perhaps I should see a vet.

OP posts:
magnolia74 · 12/12/2009 22:01

Do you have a walk in fpc at all even if not as near to you?
You should only need the referral letter to be able to go ahead and book in with a clinic for the termination. Your G.P could have referred you without the need for the fpc I'm sure.
I am so sorry you are having to wait and agonise over this
I remember how bloody awful it feels knowing it's what you really must/need/want to do but having to wait x

Original poster
notanun · 12/12/2009 22:11

Thank you magnolia. I think this is the only fpc clinic for many, many, many miles. They only see 8 people a day for the TOP referral, you must have an appointment and won't/can't? do more. They also only do this clinic a couple of days a week.

I do understand the need for this to take time but I consider myself an erudite, educated woman who knows she doesn't want more children, understands the ramifications of the decision and is suffering quite a bit not only with the pregnancy symptoms but knowledge that this is moving from cells to something else quite quickly.

And at Christmas. DD is so excited and so was I up until a week ago but I can't channel my energies into anything other than staying sane until it's over.

OP posts:
Original poster
notanun · 14/12/2009 13:14

I feel like I'm using this as some sort of terrible blog.

I have just had a call from the fpc who have a cancellation tomorrow morning at 9.05am (very specific). I just hope now that it can be as simple as it was for you magnolia, the referral I mean, not everything else. It's anything but simple.

I keep worrying about what I will be 'allowed'. I am very set on having the surgical procedure. I know the medical route is not for me, for many, many reasons and know they can do the surgical termination at this gestation (5 weeks today) but they prefer the medical. I hope that isn't a case of medical now or waiting weeks more for surgical.

Can I just tell you how lovely dh has been through this? And how wonderful some MNers, many on this thread and others off board have been at supporting me through this. I can't say what it means to me.

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wheresmypaddle · 14/12/2009 13:29

I accompanied a good friend to a medical termination (6 weeks). I don't wish to put you off but you asked for honest feedback: it was fine for the first few hours but she was then in complete agony, nurses were very sympathetic but it was an outpatient clinic and the pain relief available didn't touch her. She had to keep visiting the toilet and had to be practically carried there and back. Within 7 hours she was feeling much better and the bleeding was OK, however she was in incredible pain for some time before that. She wished she had opted for the surgical option.

There were others there and although we didn't talk with them I don't think they were struggling as much as my poor friend, so maybe she was unlucky.

I assume with the surgical option pain would be minimal due to anasthetic. However, I realise that its not only an issue of pain/bleeding influencing your decision- good luck, be kind to yourself.

leavinglondon · 14/12/2009 13:30

Notanun - have only had time to read page 1 of thread but wanted to say before I have to dash off that I agree with what everyone says re guilt and beating yourself up - don't!!!

My advice - wait for surgical but go back to GP and tell them to bump you up the lists as you want surgical and are extremely upset at thought of delaying. I am sure you can get this done before xmas if you push for referral to BPAS or even your medical cover (BUPA?) if you have one. Mary Stopes (the private clinics) were able to take someone I know within 3 days of GP referral last week....

If at worst you have to suffer xmas waiting for this, hold onto the thought that your DD will benefit from your improved health on waiting just a few weeks.

Good luck....

wheresmypaddle · 14/12/2009 13:37

So Sorry Notanun - I didn't realise that you asked your original question several days ago and have had lots of responses about the two options. My 'ten penneth' is a bit out of date.

Glad you have an appointment tomorrow - I really hope they can get this completed quickly for you.

Indith · 14/12/2009 13:43

I'm so pleased you have an appointemnt tomorrow. I really hope that you can have the proceedure before Christmas. Must run, ill and grumpy dcs trashing house. Take care x

Original poster
notanun · 14/12/2009 13:48

Don't apologise. Any information is valuable. I don't want to accept the medical option because I want this over but I can't face it continuing through weeks of morning sickness. I'm not a good Mum atm.

The problem with private referrals is that I'm in Norfolk and the nearest Marie Stopes is London, well Essex technically but near enough to be London really. And BPAS is even further for the surgical option and still a 2hr drive for the medical. I don't think they'd refer to clinics that distance away.

I will let you all know how tomorrow goes, not that I expect you to await in the same way you anticipate the Dr Who Christmas special, but I appreciate the time given and would like to be open in case anybody else every searches/reads this thread.

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Original poster
notanun · 14/12/2009 13:50

Indith. Your continued support means a lot. Thank you for not judging me roundly for this. Poor dcs, dd is sticking glitter to every available surface. Very festive. It requires little supervision. Just have to yell 'not on the cat' occasionally.

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arionater · 14/12/2009 13:53

Notanun - so sorry to hear about the horrible situation you are in. Just a thought - maybe see your GP again (or speak on the phone) and ask if you can have something to help with the sickness. There are very effective drugs that are prescribed even in wanted pregnancies if the symptoms are severe enough; and in your situation I don't see at all why you couldn't take something to help. I'm sure you'd feel a lot better and more in control if you didn't feel wretchedly sick all the time. Morning sickness is ghastly at the best of times and must be horrendous in these circumstances.

Original poster
notanun · 14/12/2009 13:56

arionater, thank you. I sort of feel like this is the penance. It makes feck all sense I know, there's no rhyme or reason to morning sickness, but I feel like I can't moan about the NHS waiting times and then take up appointments mithering about anti-nausea meds for something that's my own fault.

OP posts:
leavinglondon · 14/12/2009 13:57

Good though Arionater

leavinglondon · 14/12/2009 13:58

sorry good thoughT

Original poster
notanun · 14/12/2009 13:58

Postie's just brought me a letter from the surgery. Would I like a swine flu jab seeing as I'm pg...

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Lulumama · 14/12/2009 14:01

please stop beating yourself up, you do not deserve to feel ill. this is not about punishment . you are doing what is right for you and your family and that is all that should matter. no judgement here

you do not deserve anything except for this to be over as soon as possible with the minimum upset and pain.

xxxxxxxx

Lulumama · 14/12/2009 14:02

@ letter .