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Antenatal tests

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Original poster

Sensitive subject. Medical or Early Surgical abortion, what were your experiences?

117 replies

notanun · 08/12/2009 14:44

I am just 4 weeks pregnant. I have seen the GP who is going to refer me.

I thought I wanted to go down the medical route so that it could be over sooner but reading around I have seen some horror stories about the level of pain/bleeding. But I think I deserve the pain.

I am so sorry if you have been there too but could I ask you what you did, how it was and whether you think the one is better than the other.

Please don't flame me. You can't hate me any more than I hate myself.

OP posts:

magnolia74 · 08/12/2009 14:50

No flaming here xx

I had surgical at 7 weeks and it was over very quickly with minimal pain. Heavy bleeding for a few days. You do not deserve the pain so that alone is not reason for medical. Its a tough decision belive me i know and you will do what is right for you at this time in your life. Read up on both procedures and then decide
Good luck x

Original poster

notanun · 08/12/2009 14:59

Thank you for taking the time to reply magnolia.

The medical option would be done before Christmas and sooner rather than later which is what I want but I'm bfing, I don't want to ruin dd's Christmas even further by being in pain and bleeding and I've read terrible things.

But surgical means waiting and I want to do this before it starts growing.

I can rationalise that at 4 weeks it's cells that have the potential to develop into life but atm aren't even visible on a scan.

I don't know how to make this decision.

OP posts:

StealthPolarBear · 08/12/2009 15:05

nan, no advice sorry, but please be a bit kinder to yourself xx

Original poster

notanun · 08/12/2009 15:08

I don't deserve kindness.

OP posts:

StealthPolarBear · 08/12/2009 15:23

a mistake has been made, you're having a shit time and trying to do the best thing in very difficult circumstances.
Sorry to drag in stuff from a thread i presume is deleted now, but there were possible health issues weren't there? have they been ruled out?

Original poster

notanun · 08/12/2009 15:27

The GP said that as the main symptom I was having was pain and it had been present since last week, it was unlikely to be indicative of what I feared (too early for it to be painful). He asked me to phone back tomorrow morning once I'd had a couple of days to come to terms with it and he would submit a referral.

So not ruled out, no, but the GP didn't seem concerned.

OP posts:

Indith · 08/12/2009 15:29

No advice really I am just so sorry you are in this situation, please don't beat yourself up. I know several people who have taken the pills and it has been fine for them. I'm sure you can find plenty of horror stories for both proceedures if you look hard enough.

StealthPolarBear · 08/12/2009 15:31

ah right. Hope you get some help with the details of both, as well as the breastfeeding issue xx

Indith · 08/12/2009 17:29

bump for notanun, there must be more people out there with experience of this.

BigMomma3 · 08/12/2009 17:56

notanun - I am going to come out and say that I had a surgical abortion 4 years ago at 6 weeks. I totally understand you wanting to beat yourself up and feel pain but it does get better. I have learnt to live with it as I had very good reasons at the time (good enough for me anyway and that's all that matters).

My abortion was over within 10 minutes and was virtually painless (just like having a smear). I was abroad at the time and it was arranged very quick otherwise I could not have done it if I had been any later. The doctor told me that it was 'just a teaspoon of blood'.

I had no problems afterwards, just a small amount of bleeding for a few days afterwards and periods then returned the following month.

I am now pregnant again and delighted because this time I am in a place that I can cope with it. I have no regrets and hope you have similar experience to me and learn to be kinder to yourself.

LilRedWG · 08/12/2009 18:01

Notanun - I don't have any advice I'm afraid but I just wanted you to know that your story has touched me and I think you do deserve to be gentle with yourself.

Take care.

OtterInaSkoda · 08/12/2009 18:15

There is absolutely no point in punishing yourself. I know a couple of women who felt they had to endure a medical abortion because they felt "deserved it", to which my response has to be "wtf for?". Another friend had medical because she thought it would be less traumatic though (it wasn't).

Seriously, having had a mc (albeit at 7 wks) and finding myself pretty traumatised by what that entailed, and also having had a surgical abortion at about the same gestation many years ago, I would definately lean towards the surgical route.

How long have you been told you'll need to wait to have a surgical abortion, notanun?

JackTheHallsWithBauersOfHolly · 08/12/2009 18:18

Notanun, I also have no advice, but saw your other thread and think that you need to be aware that you are not doing anything wrong, so don't take the more painful route to be 'punished'
Have you tried calling teh BFing helplines to ask if you can continue BFing on the drugs or how long they stay in your system.
It might help with the decision making to be informed

ABM - 08444 122 949
NCt Breastfeeding Line - 0300 330 0771
Laleche Helpline: 0845 120 2918
Breastfeeding Network 0300 100 0210

thisisyesterday · 08/12/2009 18:19

i had the surgical procedure because i just wanted it over and done with.

it was absolutely fine, i had a GA, came round and it was all just done with. bleeding afterwards just liek a slighty heavier period, but nothing too awful.

how long would you have to wait for the surgical one?

I had mine done free by the BPAS after my GP referred me

madwomanintheattic · 08/12/2009 18:23

surgical at approx 12 weeks - similar to thisisyesterday. i waited a few weeks for the appointment.

Original poster

notanun · 08/12/2009 18:38

Thank you for replying all of you and for being so gentle with me.

I feel so guilty. Guilty that I can't even think of giving this baby a life, guilty that I don't want it even a little bit, guilty that I don't feel guilty about the actual decision but about having to make it in the first place, guilty because I think I don't deserve to be a mother. I want to tell dd how desperately I wanted her, how much I loved her from the day I saw the line and how I'm not a bad person because I can see that line and be filled with horror.

I think something terrible will happen to me during the procedure as punishment. I think I'd probably deserve it. I keep thinking what my Dad would say, how disappointed he would be. He believes in heaven and I won't get to be there with him will I? I have such a good, sweet dh and the most loving dd, I can't deserve them if I can do this. But I have to because there's a chance I can cope with this, there's no chance I can cope with continuing with the pregnancy.

The GP said a referral would take 7-10 days maximum but I assume that's for a medical route? I think I would prefer the surgical option but that means waiting longer. I'm 4 weeks exactly so probably far too earlier for anything other than the medical option in 10 days.

Once I'm referred, is it quick? Or do I have to go and justify this to several people? The GP was so kind and gentle, said he could see I knew what I wanted and didn't question or judge. I don't know how much more I want to talk to people about it. I want it over with.

I'm a good person. Truly. I hardly ever kick puppies.

OP posts:

SnailWhaleTail · 08/12/2009 18:43

Medical at about 8 weeks; was about 1 hr of bleeding, cramping etc on the loo, then d & v for about an hr after that. Followed by an afternoon/evening in bed with mild cramps. Mental anguish much worse than the physical discomfort.

I went medical as I wanted to be in the privacy of my own home and I wanted the situation resolved asap.

thisisyesterday · 08/12/2009 18:57

it isn't too early for anything afaik

the wait for the surgical procedure is probably just becahse on the nhs there is a wait for everything!

iut might be worth contacting an organisation like BPAS, they honestly were lovely when I went to them, and they'd be able to tell you all the options fully

Original poster

notanun · 08/12/2009 19:00

BPAS would charge wouldn't they?

Where would it all happen? Do hospitals do it? I don't think from google that there are any clinics even in the county I live in.

OP posts:

thisisyesterday · 08/12/2009 19:03

they do charge normally, but i know that there are exceptions. I was an exception, but I don't know on what grounds tbh. I was only 19 at the time and the GP referred me and they did it free, so it might be worth asking if that is possible in certain circumstances?

if you ahve it done on nhs then yes, i presume it's done at a local hospital

LilRedWG · 08/12/2009 19:06

Your Dad loves you regardless of any disappointment and you will be with him in heaven when the time is right.

justaboutisfatandtired · 08/12/2009 19:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

inagaddadavida · 08/12/2009 19:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

nickytwotimes · 08/12/2009 19:14

notanun, please stop beating yourself up.

I had an early surgical abortion years ago. I was barely 5 weeks. I didn't want the medical one as I didn't want to feel it happening. There was so little there that they couldn't find anything with an ultrasound scan and used an internal probe. Even then it was nothing. Just a wee bunch of cells.

The procedure was fine. I went in one morning and had a pessary put in to dilate the cervix. I had a GA and 20 minutes later I was coming round feeling fine exxcept for a sore stomach, like a period. Had paracetamol adn slept for a few hours then went home and was absolutley fine. No ill effects. Had what was like a period for a few days.

I don't and never have regretted it. It was absolutely the right thing and if, God forbid, I got pg in the future after this one I am carrying, I would do it again. (Our family will be complete after this one and I have had a hellish pg.)

I hope you are able to make a decision you can be at peace with. Do not punish yourself.

nickytwotimes · 08/12/2009 19:16

Oh, adn mine was all NHS.
And the staff were fantasic to me as I was sad about the whole thing, even though I had no doubts.

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