Thank you for remembering Indith .
Spent much longer than I anticipated at the FPC. Saw a doctor first then a nurse (back to front apparently but the nurse was busy). Had all sorts of swabs (nasal and groin even ) for things like MRSA, presumably so that I don't take it into hospital with me. Also had to give 2 urine samples, had a vaginal exam, physical, height, weight etc, LOTS of questions and a transvaginal scan.
The scan showed a gestational sac, in the right place so any ectopic concerns eliminated, but not much else so hard to date. I have to go to the EPAU on Friday just to confirm how far along I am. They talked to me for a long time, listened and asked me which method I preferred. Surgical does involve a wait until 7 weeks and is only done with a general anaesthetic. The doctor and nurse both recommended that the surgical route was the best for me as they don't like to recommend medical routes for people with birth trauma (lack of control) and they both thought that stopping bfing would upset too much of the status quo when everything else will be so up in the air.
Because they need to be sure I'm over 7 weeks, they've booked me in for the procedure on 7th January when by my dates I'll be nearly 8 weeks.
I feel numb today. I cried on the doctor and the nurse. They were both wonderful, caring, kind and the nurse herself had been in my position following a traumatic birth and PND. It took her a further 6yrs to have another child. The doctor said that the only thing that she wanted to ask of me was that I have counselling over the birth of dd and try and move on, not in an attempt to have more children but to move past something that's taken 2 and a half years of my life, my confidence, my sex life, everything. She said she will do the referral to a counsellor she knows who specialises in this area and will get in touch after the termination. She was lovely and understanding and tried to reassure me that nobody could tell me this pregnancy was a healthy or appropriate choice right now.
I'm sad that it will be several more weeks to wait but have made a conscious decision to focus on dd and Christmas/New Year and approach it when the time comes. I feel empty today, almost like it isn't happening to me.
I am petrified of a general anaesthetic. I've never had one and the idea fills me with dread but there is no other option.
I also have anti-sickness meds now.
I'm very tired, but on the walk home saw a jay on a lampost. Beautiful, my favourite bird. I haven't seen one since dd was a baby.