support thread for women who have chosen to terminate IV

[bezzyk]

Hello ladies old and new.

Here's hoping this thread brings better luck and much happiness.

Lots of love

BK xx

True parallel, Tree. Lightning does strike more than once.

Bee - I think here you have every right to be the Queen of Indecision. And every right not to decide quite yet, and keep thinking.

Part of me thinks though that your instinct is right: you do want a baby, your instinct is to go with that. The problem of course is the rational terror that goes with it. And reason doesn't like terror.

I guess you're going to go round and round in circles till a decision imposes itself. Why don't you take the folic acid while you're in turmoil? It can't hurt.

Speaking of folic acid, I too hope Shangrila, Queen of folic acid, is okay.

Yes. Thoughts to Shangrila.

Justa - so sorry to hear about your traumatic c-section. I agree with Tree, once you are feeling stronger you should write and express your upset and draw attention to your experience. I did this when I had such a traumatic termination of my last pregnancy (a whole other story) and although it did take me a while to write the letter I found it quite cathartic. Also, the apologies and acknowledgement were very helpful to me as was the assurance that my official complaint would be used to try and help make changes and encourage extra training to avoid others going through similar horrors.

Bee, don't force yourself to make any decisions. Keep taking the Folic Acid and give yourself the time you need to emotionally recover from your sad times last year. I took a good 6 months or so before I even thought about trying again. The gap between my 1st pregnancy/miscarriage and 2nd pregnancy/termination was not very long and it really knocked me for 6. Sadly after what we've been through I think we have to consider the situation from two points of view - are we ready to become pregnant again now? The chances are this is more likely to be answered positively than the next questions which is - have I given myself enough time to not completely loose it if I do become pregnant quickly but things don't go as hoped? To use an analogy, I think it's important to let the sting die down sufficiently before risking getting slapped again. I know it sounds negative and defeatist. It's not meant to. Think of it more as self preservation.

I had a bit of a fright last night, I made the idiotic mistake of going upstairs in just my socks and on the way back down I slipped down the last 6-7 stairs and landed hard on my backside. My lovely midwife assured me that all should be fine when I emailed her this morning but I didn't sleep so well last night worrying about it. Really bloody hurt my toe though which I'm very annoyed about. I want to be able to wear halfway decent shoes for my birthday party! At the moment it's all I can do to get into my trainers - As soon as I hit the deck my OH came running from one direction and my cat came running out of the bedroom and down the stairs to see if I was ok. Sweet.

Have to feel sorry for my OH. He's had toothache for a few days and he went to the densist on Saturday and they put him on Metronidazole which means he can't drink alcohol for a whole 6 days. He's gutted, poor man. My heart bleeds for him, it really does. hahahahahaha, welcome to my world.

I was on that for my wedding, due to toothache. Big bad bummer.

I tried pretending to be on that for my friend's wedding during a previous pregnancy but nobody believed me. I'm not a very good liar. lol.

In fact, I did think about fabricating a toothache in advance of my birthday party for that reason but OH has scuppered that plan by having a real one himself. How very selfish

Oooo maybe everyone spent my wedding saying 'yeah, toothache, right' Ha rofl.

I did look a bit...er....rounded in some pics. The dress bulged abit, an arse as it was £2k and bespoke. Tut.

Speaking of wedding dresses, I've been looking at my wedding pics this morning and feeling grim about the weight I've piled on in the 1 and a half months since my wedding. I might try my dress on this evening and if it's tight, then I'm off for a run.

(Which also reminds me there are still pics of me in my dress on my profile, if anyone wants a quick look before I take 'em down again. I put them on there for the ladies on the 'Due May 2010' thread who wanted to see me in it )

I hid being pregnant with DD for ages thanks to a tooth problem that had been ongoing for a while before I got pregnant and had me on rounds and rounds of evil alcohol-banned antibiotics. Initially I was grateful for the excuse. However the pain got worse and I ended up having a tooth killed during the pregnancy and root canal 4 weeks after my daughter was born.

Viv, gorgeous dress. You look lovely. I love the pose, too. I am glad the day was happy despite what came before it. Good luck with the TTC this month.

I reckon I win the Battle for the Cheapest Wedding Dress as I didnt even have a wedding dress, just an ivory skirt and embroidered top... my shoes cost more than my clothes... as was often the way with me...

I've just had a disappointing email from my midwife. I can't believe it. Last time I was pregnant they did my Down's screening at 11 wks because of my previous Down's pregnancy. I thought they would do the same again this time but she's told me that the head consultant wants to see me at 12 weeks - an extra painful week of not knowing now so gutted.

Hi all,

Yes, I wonder also how Shangrila is. If you are around Shangrila, but too tired/ busy to post - a big hello from this side of the pacific. Hope to hear how you are going soon

Justa, shocking how you were treated! I agree you should complain while it's fresh in your memory. Glad others here have advice to give you on how to do this. The only way nurses/midwives get away with treating people like this is because the 'victims' often keep quiet in the end. Anyway, again, so happy for you and yours. Can't believe the timing of your husband being unwell! And also the generosity of the mumsnetter who came to help you - so lovely

Bee, can I put my two cents worth in (feel free to ignore me of course). Do you feel a need to make a decision one way or other right now? After my termination, the third pregnancy in a row not to turn out, I didn't know what to do either. I wanted to try, but didn't of course want any more disappointment for me or my family. I decided I would leave it up to nature, though took the folic acid and supplements anyway, knowing they certainly wouldn't hurt. For the first six months, I guess I was trying to give nature as much help as I could. But after that I thought bugger it, I'm happy with my life how it is, baby or no baby, so apart from continuing the folic acid/ vitamins, I seriously didn't concern with trying for a baby. It was a year since my termination that I realised I was about a week overdue, so did a test just in case, not really expecting anything as I had cramps at the time. Anyway, we know the outcome. I then had weekly injections of bHCG as my ob had found in his experience that this greatly reduces chance of mc. Still up until about ten weeks, I didn't really have any expections of the pg continuing. All I knew is that I was doing what I could to help it along, that I'd be right if it didn't work out, and that as long as I was right, my family would be right too. Of course, now I would be Devastated if things didn't turn out. Sorry for rambling, but I think what I'm trying to say, is that my 'decision' to leave it up to nature (which was no decision at of course) took the
weight of me. I don't think I have explained myself well, sorry. Thinking of you anyway

hello to everyone else. Hope your weather is being kind. Lovely here, at the beach in my maxi-dress while dh boogie-boarding with the kids.

Take care all xxx

btw, Viv you look gorgeous!!

PS: I think I should be a serious contender for skinflint of the thread - being engaged for 15 years, I'm too tight to even get married in the first place

And Kittens, it's amazing how one extra weeks wait is nothing to them, but to us can be torture xx

I acknowledge defeat, Mishta beats me in the skinflint stakes...

Kitten, sorry about the wait. Can you contact the hospital directly and try to change the appointment?
What kind of screening will you do: just nuchal and bloods, or CVS as well?

PS Bee, I think Mishta speaks much sense here, that might help you not solve, but sort of 'park' your quandary a bit...

Cantdo - Well, I guess I will see what the Nuchal shows up before I decide. The last two times the Nuchal raised enough concern to go for the CVS so there was no question. If the nuchal looks normal then maybe I will see what the consultant advises. Although it takes a couple of weeks to get all the results back from the regular combined test so that'll be a hard wait. I guess I have a few weeks to think about it.

Mishta - it's true about the extra week. That's why I'm not sure whether to just go for the CVS and know for sure asap or wait for the combined results if the nuchal is ok. I really thought they'd do my scan at 11wks because last time it seemed that they understood the hell of waiting that extra week. I emailed my midwife to question it and she emailed me back saying she had had a conversation with the consultant and he had specified that he wanted to see me at 12 weeks. That was quite late last night so I'm hoping that will prompt her to ask him again. I will also ask my Doctor when I see him on Friday as he is an absolute sweetheart and very much on my side. He also runs the antenatal clinic at the surgery so he is all about looking after pregnant ladies!

I think the first trimester of pregnancy is like suspended animation. Normal time goes so fast it seems but from the moment you know you've ovulated, there's the 2 week wait which seems to last a month and then the time up to finding out everything is all ok seems to crawl by too.

I so want the first quarter of this year behind me. My mum is also having Chemo and has a scan again in March to see if it's finally tackled her cancer and so that's another piece of good news I'm desperately hoping for. The last couple of years have been rather rough for the pair of us so everything is crossed throughout the family for this year to be the year of good news.

Viv - you looked amazing, absolutely stunning. Wow.
I had to spend the money [honest Guv ] All the off the peg ones in shops made me look squashed as I'm 5ft10. They could make the skirts longer but not the bodys. Plus I wanted a train. Big fat train.

Kitten - maybe they want to wait till the optimum time? Awful for you, I'm sorry you have the wait. I'm so sorry to hear you and your mum have a tough few months ahead too. WHat a lot you have on darling. Be very very good to yourself. I really hope this is your family's year.

Mishta - no boogie boarding, but snow shovelling at 8am with dd1 [5] in her snowsuit. It was first day back at school for her so it cheered her up.

Can't, parking a problem or quandary is a perfect term. Sound advice Mishta. It is a great skill to be able to do it.

Hard hard time for you Kittens. I really hope your mum's results come back clear.

Why does it take 2 weeks for results of combined blood test? I had the nuchal and blood test done on a Friday; they didnt give me a risk on the nuchal alone, just said all looked good (nuchal was 1.1 - with my Turners baby it started off as 8.8 and grew) - but they rang me with the combined result on the Monday. Ie it took 24 hours. And as I understand it the specialist places in London can do it almost on the spot.

My experience after a Turners baby was that consultant then thought cvs/amnio would be a good idea regardless of combined test score, as that is not 100% reliable. But we didnt because the test came back very low risk. Then at 20 weeks I discovered that the baby had no kidneys and thus would have no lungs and I had to go through another termination. This problem wouldnt have shown up on amnio/cvs, so I felt okay about not having the amnio/cvs - but if I had found a horrid chromosomal problem at 20 weeks and had to terminate, I would have deeply regretted not having the amnio.

Third time around, again low risk from combined test (1 in over 36,000), and no issues at 20 weeks - and you know what? I still find myself waking up worrying the baby has some rare chromosomal problem that scans wouldnt see...

Oh cant. Grief what a story to have.I know the story of course, but I read it I just can't believe it all over again.

I may have been wrong about the couple of weeks, that was my understanding from the first pregnancy. As you say cantdo, I am tempted just to have the CVS and have peace of mind (as much as possible) asap. The risk of miscarriage from the CVS is 1% versus the risk of having a 3rd Down's Syndrome baby for me is 10%. I'm sure if I book the day after off and treat myself to some serious lounging all will be ok in that respect.

I'm so sorry to hear about what you went through after 20 weeks of pregnancy. It's such a minefield isn't it? It feels a bit like finding out about Chromasome problems at 12 weeks is just the thin end of the wedge sometimes. It's so hard not to worry when we've been through these experiences. I so envy the innocent excitement of those who can get pregnant and look forward to the baby coming without being tainted by the nightmares we suffer.

I found myself in such an awkward position a few weeks ago. I'm a make up artist and I was with one of my private clients, doing make up for a wedding and found out the bride was 12 weeks pregnant. She was going for her scan a couple of days after the wedding. The hairdresser piped up "Oh, that's the Nuchal scan" which followed in a protracted discussion between the bride's mum and the herself about Down's screenings, CVS & Amnio and hypotheticals about "what would you do if....?" I was trying really hard to just keep calm and wait for the conversation to end but it kind of became a topic for discussion. Having been at peace through the past 5 months or so I found myself shaking and unable to concentrate on my work and at the risk of loosing it emotionally which, as you can imagine, is the last thing you want to do on somebody's wedding day. Epecially when they don't know you very well. I'd only met them twice. In the end I just had to say "sorry ladies, do you mind if we change the subject, this is something that's happened to me twice recently" - luckily they were very sweet and changed the subject in a cheerful manner straight away and didn't say anything at all about it so there was no awkwardness. Although I've since emailed the hairdresser to ask if she would like to do hair for one of my bookings and have not heard back from her in 4 weeks so I'm hoping she's not avoiding me because of that.

Oh Kittens

Aw thanks ladies for your kind words about me and my dress. I have to admit that I spent months worrying that I'd bought the wrong one (not least because it cost me the best part of £1600) but in the end, I loved it. And don't even get me started on my beautiful Christian Louboutins... ;)

Kittens - so sorry you're going through a worrying time of it. Having also had a Turners pregnancy, I think I would have no qualms about having a CVS next time round - especially as my consultant explained that the 1% chance of miscarriage that comes with a CVS typically affects those babies that wouldn't necessarily survive anyway. He seemed to think it extraordinarily unlikely that a miscarriage would happen in an otherwise 'normal' pregnancy. (I think I've explained that badly, but hopefully you know what I mean)

Hello folks, stuck at home - kids supposed to be back at school today but the council has closed all the schools. Car is broken so am considering taking the bus out after taking the tree etc down.

Blimey kittens what a time you are having

Justa, how are you feeling now?

Bee, I am tending towards agreeing with the others, but you don't seem to have problems conceiving so maybe just seeing what nature does isn't the right thing.??? I know time is not on your hands, I forget your exact age but I know when I conceived at 43 I was not very fertile as hadn't been on contraception and despite being hugely fertile at age 39/40 it must have dropped considerably in the intervening years, sorry this sounds very negative... and I guess I'm not saying anything you don't know already so feel free to ignore!

Must dash to attend to the kids.

love to all. xxxx

Thanks Viv, yes, I understand what you're saying.

You do look gorgeous in your dress. If a wedding isn't a great excuse to treat yourself to a pair of Louboutins I don't know what is. I hope you've had opportunity to wear them since.