support thread for women who have chosen to terminate III

[Cantdothisagain]

This thread is for any woman who has chosen to terminate a pregnancy for whatever reason. It follows on from

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_tests_choices/770313-support-thread-for-women-who-have-chosen-to-term inate-II

everyone is welcome, old friends and new.

Hi to everyone from the old thread and hope you find me!

Hello Bezzy

So sorry that this time in limbo is additionally stressful for you and hope the hospital can be of help and reassurance for you today. Don't forget that we're only a 40 minute train ride away, should you and mini-Bez fancy a change of scenery!

And Eulalia, how wonderful to be jetting off just when the gloom is setting in. I always think that autumn holidays are perfect timing. Lucky you!

Uneventful weekend here. Hope it was the same elsewhere.

xxxx

hello all

Spoke to a lovely midwife this morning, who's managed to book me in for a D&C on Wed morning. Which happens to be the due date of my previous pregnancy. How does that work out?!

BK x

I know that the D&C wasn't your initial choice, Bezzy, but am sure that you now feel relieved that you have been given a date to work towards. Good on you - and your supportive midwife.

Strange coincidence about the dates, too. Seems silly to ask if you're ok with that, but I'm sure you know what I mean. I am tremendously hard unsentimental when it comes to dates etc but I do know that they can hit others in a very different way.

Anyway, it's my waffly way of saying that I'll be thinking of you on Wednesday. x

Bezzy Boodles
Again fate plays a cruel hand.
Not sure why this is but it is important for you to have a sense of moving on I know. I would be the same.
Wednesday now a double hard day.
We here lovey.
BEE xxx

Well, the date will be quite upsetting, but doubt I'll be wailing. I'm more likely to be upset because I was hoping to be pregnant again by this point.

Just looking forward to Wednesday being over and getting on with things.

My kingdom for a crystal ball.

BK x

not so sure about unself-pitying. I've done nothing but waffle on about myself for the last week.

BK x

I think the date is good in a way - gets 2 horrors out of the way at once - although obviously it's also horribly ironic and very hard.

Will be here cheering you on virtually, Bezzy.

We all will. And Justa is so right in her description of you.

X posted. Yeeesss...but you havent ever waffled in a self pitying way, and you have never lost your wit.

Hello all

Got back this evening, am not really sure how I'm going to get through the next few weeks, DH goes back to work tomorrow and keep crying at the thought of him going, cried all the way home in the car because we had to leave our lovely cottage, where I hid from everything. Not helped by it suddenly being autumnal back to school time of year, and read Bezzy's news and am angry at the unfairness that this kind of shit seems to happen to the same people over and over and over while other people sail through blissfully unaware of how difficult it is to have a child.

Bezzy, nothing I can say really, just the unfairness of life.

Haven't managed a proper catch up still, but am so low will be here daily for a while. Seems so surreal, sitting her with a glass of wine, not on the point of retching, no longer pregnant just fat, not making plans about where the hell we'll put the baby, or wondering if i can get away with fitting into my winter coat with a bump. Sigh...

Hello PH

Glad you enjoyed your break, but I promise you, you WILL be ok. I felt EXACTLY as you do, couldn't be left alone in a room without having a meltdown.

The only way I can word it, is that I found I could only really deal with the grief when I was alone, and from now, it can only get better for you. Being away is great, but it's just delaying the inevitable. It won't be as bad as you expect, and for those upsetting moments, there's virtually always somebody here with a wise and sympathetic ear.

Just remember, it's perfectly normal to feel hysterical and angry. All part of the grieving process, you wouldn't be normal if you didn't feel those things.

You've been through a terrible ordeal, be good to yourself.

Lots of love

BK xx

Welcome home Peanuthead
It is no holiday on this thread sometimes but at other times it can offer some relief and respite from your everyday life. And sharing the sorrow and anger and loneliness and grief and a million other miserable feelings can help alleviate it. A mini- holiday from yourself perhaps?
I have been a veritable cling-on to my Lovely Man over the last year - even when he is not in the house I feel glued to him emotionally. And that is the only tiny, tiny thing that could be seen as even vaguely positive about this whole dreadful fiasco.

It is agony. The loss. The not moving the bedrooms around to accomodate the new baby, the not having big juicy boobs, the not having hospital appointments. It is just all wrong. But it does shift as our Bezzy says. It does. God only knows what I would have done without this place; I genuinely feel may have ended up in the not so funny farm.

So reach out, huddle up here.
Real life can be confronted when you are ready and in the meantime, well, you can hang out here.

Dearest Bezzy - thinking of you and wondering why all is so topsy turvy for us both.

Wish we could organise a Christmas tipple - what you think?
kisses
Bee xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dear PH, I second what Bezzy has said, you WILL get through this, and I know it may be no consilation to you now, but you WILL be happy again. I remember after we lost our first daughter, a SIDS councellor saying to me that she wished she could pick me up from where I was in my grief to a time in the future to where I was happy, but that of course she couldn't, it was a journey I had no choice but to make with time. I can remember thinking - I don't care about being happy, I just want my little girl back. I was a mother without a child, and could see no point to anything anymore. I was in such depths of despair, although I knew I would I never kill myself (felt too much obligation to those around me), I did indulge in the fantasy of doing so on numerous occassions. I don't mean to bring you down more, or suggest this is what you are thinking, just want you to know that no matter how you feel now, things will get better. Sometimes it might be two steps forward, one step back, sometimes even two back, but you will get there. You will. Just keep acknowledging and accepting your feelings and you will work through this. This advice probably sounds so lame to you right now. Just know we are here for you xx

And MrsV, congrats on coming to a decision, wish you all the very, very best and hope to hear some good news in the near future xx

Bezz, will be thinking of you and your angels on Wednesday xx

On a much lighter note, Justa, loved your guide to cake baking with kids! Related to so much of it. We still have a 'satchet' of blueberries left over from a blueberry muffin mix blueberries had been replaced with choc chips at the insistence of my girls. We may live on opposite sides of the world, but some things just don't change. Funny, funny.

Hello to everyone else xx

Hello all

Just wanted to say PH that I'll be around for most of today, so if you feeling wobbly please type away.

BK xx

PS think i've started spotting this morning. Typical. Still going to go ahead with the op though, need closure now.

Welcome home Peanuthead, you'll get through today, and tomorrow and the next day... I promise. I HATED when hubbie went back to work, practically hanging onto his ankle as he walked out the door. Being alone means you have thinking time and that hurts, 4wks in for me and things are a little easier. Some days I get a stab in my heart and i'm back there on the emotional rollercoaster, but some days are okay. Go easy on yourself, take time, I'm still off work (it seems so unimportant now) but feel like I'm ready to go back. Don't rush hun. Strangely I don't like doing things on my own now (think I'm scared of emotional meltdown which can happen without much warning)so last week I got waxed (I was yetty woman)this week its my hair and the dry cleaners - baby steps.
Talk, talk, talk to your partner and anyone that will listen - we're here too remember. I used to get annoyed that hubbie wasn't as upset as me, he was of course just that he showed it in a different way. I wish I could fastforward us all 6 months to happier times.

BK - sods law that you've started spotting, maybe things will happen naturally today for you

Hello everyone else, Justa your cake thing made me laugh. No idea who McQueen is though, I must be missing out on something
x

Hi Peanuthead, echo what the others said, it DOES get easier. You redo things you did before, and each time it hurts, but the time after is easier, if you see what I mean. Keep posting and talking; sounds naff but it does help.

Mmm muffins! I like the story of the child-helpers. I must admit I often put choc instead of fruit in my cakes too. And make a mess.

Hugs to everyone today who needs one, and everyone else too. I am hibernating from the rainy cold!

I know it will get easier, just in the depths right now. I suffer from depression anyway and am terrified I'll go down. It's so hard dealing with DD - just need to go to bed and weep, but can't. Plus she's breaking my heart all the time - and we're taking steps back there - every time she cries i cry so have given in to giving her a dummy in the day, milk in her bottle, whatever she wants she gets.

If only I could take one step at a time but I can't, have to get dd out and about, and have tot ry to engage with her. Have to take her to toddler group etc later in the week and just don't know how I'll cope. All those bloody fecund women everywhere. For a couple of minthe I was one of them, god knows if I'll ever manage it again, certainly not with my own eggs.

DH is away for 4 days this weekend, going to a wedding, was booked ages ago and he needs a break but feel such anxiety every time I think of it. Will go to my parents but don't want to be grieving round them particularly.

Sorry, will be very self obsessed for a while before I can start listening to everyone else. bezzy - you're unbelievably kind when you're currently suffering yourself.

Hello all.

Hugs needed allround. I really feel for you PH.

Hugs to Bezzy.

Whoah mn went all wierd then and stole my message!!

so to continue.

It wil all get easier and lighter, and hopefully soon. I wonder how today will go for you Bezzy. I should have proper time later to keep an eye out for you.

Am currently doing a Christening seating plan. Yikes.

Much love.

Hello Bezzy Boodles
How are youdles today - spotting - well am glad your body is responding to the state of emergency darling. Are you cosy and warm on this rainy day?
PH - golly what a shame he has to go. Can you not all go too? It sounds very, very important to have him near you. Or could you offload mini PH for a few hours so you can weep and release some of the grief?
Can I ask, why do you think your eggs will not manage to produce another baby if they have just managed it? Sorry if this is too much to talk about - just trying to see if we can identify a little bit of hope for you.
Am working from home - so please email whenever, whoever.
Bee xx