14 weeks gender

[Lisanet]

Absolutely profoundly gutted after today’s ultrasound! I’m 13+6 dated 14 weeks and my whole life I had a premonition I’m gonna have an only child a girl. It lives within my soul. I was also predicted girl by random people in the past (without asking them) and the week before my missed period (had no idea as it was unplanned and unexpected) had a dream I gave birth to a baby girl. In today’s ultrasound the lady said she wasn’t sure as it’s too early but if she was to guess she thinks it looks like developing boy’s parts. I know it’s still not 100% but I’m really worried and really can’t believe it googling everything I can. Nub hasn’t been visible in any of my previous ultrasounds and they didn’t give me a picture of the parts from today.
Did it happen to anyone that the sonographer guessed boy early on and it was indeed a girl? Can anyone have a guess from a shape of a skull? Please don’t judge me for being so set on a girl…I want to cry now.

MNHQ has removed two images because they had a name on them - two remain

Bond not bind

Yes but your baby isn’t a doll. It’s not normal to be obsessed over clothes to this extent. I’m going to guess that you’ve never actually looked after a baby and your only “parenting” experience has been playing with dolls as a child?

@Lisanet first of all I am sorry to hear you are feeling like this, pregnancy does do some weird things to us all with horniness flying around and increased stresses and anxieties.
It can make us irrational and react to things in ways we wouldn't under normal circumstances.

I do hope that reading the replies on this thread gives you some perspective though and that you realise that what you are feeling isn't 'normal'. That's not me saying gender disappointment doesn't exist, just that it isn't a healthy or normal reaction. You need to speak to a professional to try and help you through it so you can enjoy your healthy pregnancy.

You must know that relying on dreams and the predictions of random strangers to map out your life is not healthy.....nor are the reasons you say you wanted a girl to be honest. All of this needs to be properly addressed and hourly treated before your child enters this world.

Good luck.

@Bellamari no you actually very wrong in your assumptions. I never wished my girl would be a mini me! On the contrary. Nothing like me. Even looking different, but those are just ideas I want to stress I can’t care less about that. Also I’ve never had any thoughts about righting the wrongs of my own life and giving the baby stuff I never had. Stuff? I don’t believe in giving stuff or material things that doesn’t give happiness. I believe in giving children love, support and right upbringing so yes in this case I wished to give my child unconditional love I didn’t feel I got but that’s about that.

And yes you’re right one can get the most amazing gentle and loving boy of course you never know.

@Bellamari oh and another assumption/guess of yours that was wrong that I never looked after a baby and that my only parenting experience have been playing with dolls as a child…I’ve actually worked for 15+ years in private households looking after children and I did love dressing the girls up in nice clothes.

There are often cuter and nicer clothes for girls but most of us don't care about baby clothes to that extent. I have a boy and a girl and they both poo, wee and throw up over their clothes, get muddy, jump in puddles, roll around on the ground outside, get covered in paint, glue, glitter, food smeared everywhere. There's no point putting them in nice clothes when they're babies and toddlers. Their sex makes no difference and actually it's my boy who is the better sleeper as a baby, quieter and calmer and enjoys pottering around and playing with his toys. My girl is far more wild and loves getting muddy and running around and is in all honestly a much higher needs child.

Hormones NOT horniness! Sorry 🙈

@sel2223 Thank you! Your comment seems one of the most reasonable of all here and I agree with you!

Well you need to pinpoint why you’re so obsessed with having a girl then, if it’s not about having a mini me. Why this obsession about outfits? Instead of being glad your child is healthy you’re crying about what clothes it can or can’t wear - that’s not normal.

You say it's "gender disappointment" like it's a real diagnosed condition. It's isn't. It's just a made up thing by irrational, immature and pathetic people.

You ought to know how lucky you are.

Honestly, a baby does not care what clothes it wears so if pretty dresses are important to you, put your child in them whatever sex. They will have no clue at all in their first year of birth what they are wearing. You can make your baby look as ‘cute’ as you want.

Hopefully this will show you that babies are individuals and when they grow up they will like their own things and you will love them as an individual, not just as ‘cute girl in a dress’. All children eat, poo, sleep, have temper tantrums, cuddle, etc., irrelevant of the genitals they have.

@Bellamari I don’t think you need to have a gender preference only if you want to have a mini copy of yourself it actually makes me laugh I never thought like that. I just like girls, doing their hairs, girls clothes obviously and their sweetness. And I’ve worked with many of them also with boys so I know what I’m talking about. I know your child may not turn the way you imagine, girly or sweet but that’s something out of one’s control. Gender of the baby you get too of course but it’s not shameful at all in my opinion to have a personal preference l. Maybe we somehow feel that one gender suits our personality better than other as there are obvious and general differences in characters of both genders. It’s something that comes from within you can accept it or deny it. I don’t know why I have to explain this as it’s pretty obvious and natural.

You may think it is pretty obvious and natural to be so blatant about a gender preference but it really isn't normal to be so open about it.
I think your attitude would set alarm bells ringing if you wanted to adopt a child. It is unhealthy to talk about a baby boy as being the 'worst option'.
I have been a teacher for a very long time and I have never heard teachers talking in such a negative way about boys.
I did have a girl in my tutor group whose mother wanted to be her best friend and do stuff together.
The girl could not wait to leave home ( it was just her and her mother). She refused a local uni and got a job two hundred miles away. She was suffocated by her mother's expectations.
I hope this thread is removed because of the offence you have caused. You have been unkind to so many posters.

I think people of my generation are aware of the huge dangers to babies when a particular sex is desired. Think of the Chinese one child policy and the desperation for a boy child.

www.theguardian.com/global-development/2020/aug/21/selective-abortion-in-india-could-lead-to-68m-fewer-girls-being-born-by-2030

In India the Government estimates 6 million baby girls aborted to satisfy the preference for a boy.
Sex preference with regards to babies is dangerous which is why gender selection is illegal in the UK.

@Baggette like there’s never been men that wanted a boy so desperately to be able to share with them the “boys” interests or disappointed when they got a girl instead. Not saying they wouldn’t love her later…but I never heard anyone judging them for that. As I would never judge a woman that wishes and dreams to have a girl. But all right! You seem pretty extreme in your views and judgment but don’t need to justify myself anymore. You don’t need to understand.

I've never seen or heard a man show so much distain for having a girl as what I am reading here.

If you have such a strong feeling to have one sex, then the only option is to not bother trying. There is a 50/50 chance of it not being the sex you want and that is not fair on the baby.

Of course people sometimes have a preference. I didn't care 1st time round and 2nd I would have preferred a boy, but would have loved a girl all the same. Your posts are concerning.

I am not pretty extreme. The law in the UK is clear on gender selection.

In the UK, gender selection is illegal for any reason other than preventing a serious inherited illness. This includes balancing out a family or choosing the sex of a baby during in vitro fertilization (IVF). Licensed clinics that offer sex selection for non-medical reasons are breaking the law. The Human Fertilisation and Embryology Act 2008 also prohibits practices that aim to ensure a child is one sex rather than another.

To so publically attach your name to the desire for one sex over another is distasteful. It upsets a lot of people.
I would not want someone with your views looking after young children. I imagine it would be a red flag for Nurseries looking for staff as well.

Your posts are all about you and what you want. How terrible for a child to be born to a mother who makes her preference so clear.

My friend is her mother's golden girl. Every day of her childhood her mother told her how wonderful it was that she was a girl and how special. How she was so relieved that she was a girl and so much better than boys.
My friend married and has two boys. She now has little to do with her mother. She cannot forgive her extreme views and does not want her sons anywhere near her mother.

Wickerlady,you are correct
Has anyone asked the poster how old she is? I'm curious,if you had asked the 10 year old me,I wanted lots of girls. My youngest DD wanted 9 babies when she was a teenager.we grew up. Gender disappointment is not a science based disorder, because babies with a few exceptions are sexed, male and female,that is a scientific fact. Gender is a man made construction. Look online in the papers,there are apparently 100 different genders now.well known personalities are stating babies name will not be known publicly and will not be raised as a particular sex. I cannot understand the concept of gender reveal parties. Thankfully when I had my older DC there were no scans,you found out the babies sex at birth. When I had my last,there was issues regarding possible Downs, the sex was obviously revealed, I had printed on the front of my notes, I didn't want to be informed
All the midwives,staff were busting a gut to tell me. You accept your complete obsession is no where near normal,you need to get help,as soon as possible. Unfortunately, the "you will love the baby regardless, doesn't always happen".

“I want a girl so I can do her hair” - get a doll. Lots of girls like to have short hair.

“I want a girl because I like girls’ clothes” - get a doll. My daughter refuses to wear dresses or skirts. Her favourite colour is green, not pink. She’s amazing, but she’d be a sorry disappointment to you OP.

“I want a girl for their sweetness”. What does this even mean? Girls are not inherently more “sweet” than boys, and this is sexist patriarchal bullshit. And actually, my son was much “sweeter” as a little child than my daughter, and even now he’s a big teenager he still wants cuddles. It’s almost as if his personality has nothing to do with his biology, imagine that as a notion.

Seriously. Read the replies you’ve had here and do some serious self-reflection. Your attitude is based on ridiculous and outdated stereotypes and wanting to dress a human as if it is a dolly you can decorate how you want. You’ve got some serious growing up to do before this baby is born, the poor thing.

@Tygertiger all right! Maybe I’ll get a boy that likes to wear pink and girls dresses😂. Who knows?! I think I have some laughing to do on some judgemental ladies comments over here! I live in a reality where almost all the women I’ve known or worked for wished so much for one gender over another for different reasons, men that wanted sons and also men that never wanted boys. I could give you concrete examples but what’s the point? I’m the weird and bad one here for being disappointed.

No. There is preference and then there is this obsession which you clearly have.

@Lisanet I think the first step is to recognise that what you are feeling is definitely not normal or healthy.
Instead of going on the defensive replying to comments or justifying it as 'lots of others feel this too', it's really important to recognise that somethings not right and get the appropriate help for this before your baby is born.

I am married into an outdated culture where couples traditionally want sons but my husband absolutely adores our daughter and she him. I could not have accepted it if he showed any negative thoughts towards our baby simply for being a girl.

I'm sure lots of people might have a secret desire for one or the other and might feel a glimmer of disappointment for a split second if they don't get that but it passes very quickly. The level you are feeling this is not normal and has no place in 2024, please stop trying to normalise it.

OP it sounds like you need to take a deep breath and remember that your baby will be amazing and precious regardless of sex.

I have 2 boys and they're just perfect. I'm so lucky!

OP I have one of each. I love them equally and they are both very different.

My daughter does indeed love pink and princesses. However, she (being nearly 4) has a mini tantrum every morning when I brush her hair. I honestly think wrestling a crocodile might be easier. She is short tempered and feisty.

My son is gentle, patient and happily plays with dolls himself.