14 weeks gender

[Lisanet]

Absolutely profoundly gutted after today’s ultrasound! I’m 13+6 dated 14 weeks and my whole life I had a premonition I’m gonna have an only child a girl. It lives within my soul. I was also predicted girl by random people in the past (without asking them) and the week before my missed period (had no idea as it was unplanned and unexpected) had a dream I gave birth to a baby girl. In today’s ultrasound the lady said she wasn’t sure as it’s too early but if she was to guess she thinks it looks like developing boy’s parts. I know it’s still not 100% but I’m really worried and really can’t believe it googling everything I can. Nub hasn’t been visible in any of my previous ultrasounds and they didn’t give me a picture of the parts from today.
Did it happen to anyone that the sonographer guessed boy early on and it was indeed a girl? Can anyone have a guess from a shape of a skull? Please don’t judge me for being so set on a girl…I want to cry now.

MNHQ has removed two images because they had a name on them - two remain

@Strawberrycheesecake7 Thank you! I can’t grasp it quite yet but I will have no other choice if it’s like that. But please understand this comes as a huge shock cause I’m usually pretty good with my intuition and this has always been as clear as water - almost. But it’s my fault of course it’s never a good idea to rely purely on intuition.

OP, I don’t want to give you false hope, but I had a friend who was told that she was expecting a boy - we all duly went out and bought “blue” - and lo and behold, she had a daughter, which was a surprise to everyone. If you really want to be sure, you will just have to wait because you can’t know yet - but I promise you, you will love your little one whether boy or girl!

@ChristmasJumpers You’re really so lucky🥹! I don’t think I’ll be ok but I’m used to having disappointments in my life almost never getting what my heart desires so what can I do?! Just learn to live with it.

I really hope it is a little boy, OP, because otherwise you are saddling your unborn baby with all the expectations of your Dream Daughter and her carefully curated wardrobe.

A baby cannot be expected to live up to that. It’s unhealthy for her to bear the weight of your imaginings.

You’ll get over the fixation with the baby’s sex soon enough when he or she is born.

Letting go of your preconceptions and fantasies about what being a mum to a daughter would be like is the healthiest thing you can do for your child at this point.

@sesquipedalian Thank you🥲. It actually does give me a grain of hope with the level of sadness I carry at the moment. I was actually waiting for a comment like this and truly I’ve googled everything I could and it does seem to happen quite a lot. But I’m still being realistic and know that I will have to start assuming and coming to terms with the worst possibility of course which until now I couldn’t.

Gender disappointment is real. I have 2 lovely little boys (one is a baby) I would’ve really loved a baby girl, but I wouldn’t dream of having it any other way now they’re both here. Wait until you baby is born and you grow that special bond. It’s unmatched. It’s ok to be disappointed. Will you have another gender scan to confirm? I’d never change my boys now despite the initial disappointment.

My little boy is my best friend.

I have one of each, and I genuinely couldn't decide which is better. It really doesn't matter which sex they are. They're all a miracle.

You will have moments that you love them and moments that you really don't like them. This will happen with a boy or a girl. But they're your baby and you can't help but love them. Just wait until you feel them fluttering around in your womb. Nothing like it.

@Strawberrycheesecake7 I’m so happy for you being so overjoyed with your boy! I don’t know what was your preference before you had him if you had any. The truth is not every woman cares so in this case is so much easier to accept whatever it is. And yes you’re right if I got my girl she might not be as I imagined. Btw I worked my whole life with children and I’ve always got along better with girls as I’m myself very girly and find them so cute.

I always wanted a girl and have a daughter. She is non verbal autistic and honestly I would prefer a boy who can say mummy!

I understand gender disappointment though. Not judging.

@Mammma91 Thank you for your understanding really! I also needed comment like yours. Yes GD it is a real thing and we should respect each other as we are only humans with individual dreams, goals and ideas about our lives. It’s almost like telling someone who got disappointed after failed marriage what do you expect when you get married you also have to count on the possibility of divorce. It’s silly! You get married you hope it’s forever and sometimes it doesn’t work out. You have your right to be sad and disappointed for your marriage not working out the way you wanted, for not getting that job you dreamt of, for not getting the gender you your whole life imagined…

@Jammii Thank you! Very nice to hear some kind words of understanding. And sorry about your daughter being nonverbal autistic, it could happen with a boy too. I worked for long time with autistic nonverbal girl, she was 3 when I started and went up to almost 6 years when I finished and I must say beginnings were very difficult but as she got older she became so much easier, understanding more and more and also more expressive and communicative even though not on the same level as a non autistic child would do of course. I really ended up loving her as she was so sweet and one of the easiest child I’ve looked after due to her independence and unique intelligence. Her mum was very sad about it though. I don’t know how old is your daughter but maybe she’s still too small and I really hope she’ll get better with the time.

will have to start assuming and coming to terms with the worst possibility of course which until now I couldn’t
Do you really think this is the worst possibility? That you could have a boy? I think if that really is the worst thing you could think if happening to you you should not have become pregnant. And to compare having a hopefully healthy child to a failure of a marriage is ridiculous. Having a son is not a failure. I think you seriously need help. Children are not dolls. They are human beings, and you have a huge responsibility to not fuck them up.

@DramaLlamaBangBang Well that was my dream and even though you and lots of other women don’t find this healthy or ok which I respect and agree with, it’s not, it still doesn’t make a bit of difference about how I feel and what I wished for. About not becoming pregnant, I was in fact not looking to get pregnant now under these circumstances but it happened unexpectedly and my partner definitely doesn’t want this child as he lives in different country. Not ideal. Maybe if I had a supportive partner it would have been so much easier to accept whatever it is and even look forward to it but I’m alone for all my feelings, emotions and any future support. Not sure if you can understand.

Thank you she is 3 so still young. There's just so much to your child you get to know along the way, sex is just the obvious at the beginning.

My DH is a mummy's boy (but not too much) she is clearly very happy to be his mum. She is my role model if I ever became a boy mum

Absolutely OP. I promise gender disappointment doesn’t last forever. It’s ok to feel it now your just accepting a life you envisioned not form into a reality. If baby is a boy - it’s hard work when they are wild toddlers (as are girls too, my niece is wild!) but the bond you’ll have with them is like no other. It’s hard to swallow now but you’ll never feel a love and bond like it. I hope the remainder of your pregnancy goes well and you have a safe delivery. Let yourself feel how you feel and don’t feel guilty about it.

Wow.. just wow. As a mother of two gorgeous boys who has also had two miscarriages calling your healthy potentially baby boy the 'worst possibility' is shocking. You are posting in the 'Antenatal tests' where people are often having additional tests because their baby has a high risk of a genetic condition and are often facing agonising waits. I understand you can't help how you feel but please seek therapy so that you are able to have a positive relationship with your child x

@Mammma91 Thank you! I feel so emotional and can’t imagine it now but I really hope you’re right and more than guilty about how I feel I feel bad for the future baby of mine because the truth is that no matter what it is it deserve maximum love which I don’t feel at the moment I can give. But it’s ok. I’ll let it sink in and who knows what what future brings.

You are recognising that you have a lack of support, this is the real issue that you need to address. Motherhood is tough, girl or boy. Do you think life would be rosy raising a girl? Baby outfits are sweet but 90% of the time they are in sleepsuits anyway, you have romanticised the idea of a baby girl so much and it's just not like that.
I don't mean to judge. I do understand that people have strong ideas about what raising children is like and that you are disappointed. But truly if this is your one shot, the gender is irrelevant. You cannot change this, and this is the case for lots of what is to come with parenthood as lots of things happen thst we cannot control. I would urge you to focus on your mental state and build a support network now that you can lean on once the baby is born. Best of luck to you.

No. It's not. I think people are trying to understand that you are struggling mentally but this comparison is ridiculous. A failed marriage is not the same as this. You are in a position that many long for, a healthy baby. It is in no way a failure.

This!! You are on a mumsnet board that is generally used by women grappling with the potential of their baby having a genetic condition, awaiting test results, possibly having to terminate for medical reasons ect ect. I had 5 miscarriages between my two, and a medical trial to eventually compete my family. We had a higher chance 12 week screen and an awful wait before getting the all clear. I hugged my two extra hard after reading this thread. They are a boy and girl by the way, it couldn't have mattered less they are both amazing.

People find out that their baby is dead or seriously disabled at these scans.......

You do sound like you need some additional support. Trust me when I say you will only care about your baby being healthy once they are here, and honestly I don't want to sound harsh but that is all you should care about, you are extremely lucky to be carrying life within you, regardless of sex.

Not all girls are a dream. You know this. I think you could do with some therapy to prepare you for motherhood.

I understand gender disappointment, I really do but this is actually a bit disgusting OP.

That poor little boy you're growing.

You need to get help before he's born and he can start understanding that you were 'profoundly gutted' that he exists.

You're calling your healthy baby a disappointment? I'm sorry but you need to have a word with yourself. This child is more important than your childhood daydreams - they are an actual person and deserve a parent who loves them for them.

Your poor baby.