14 weeks gender

[Lisanet]

Absolutely profoundly gutted after today’s ultrasound! I’m 13+6 dated 14 weeks and my whole life I had a premonition I’m gonna have an only child a girl. It lives within my soul. I was also predicted girl by random people in the past (without asking them) and the week before my missed period (had no idea as it was unplanned and unexpected) had a dream I gave birth to a baby girl. In today’s ultrasound the lady said she wasn’t sure as it’s too early but if she was to guess she thinks it looks like developing boy’s parts. I know it’s still not 100% but I’m really worried and really can’t believe it googling everything I can. Nub hasn’t been visible in any of my previous ultrasounds and they didn’t give me a picture of the parts from today.
Did it happen to anyone that the sonographer guessed boy early on and it was indeed a girl? Can anyone have a guess from a shape of a skull? Please don’t judge me for being so set on a girl…I want to cry now.

MNHQ has removed two images because they had a name on them - two remain

A boy is not, and should not be, your idea of the worst possibility. Some women attend their scans to find out that their child has no heartbeat or that there is a condition which means the baby is not compatible with life. You are horribly naive and self centred if you think a scan telling you that you’ll have a healthy baby boy is the worst possibility.

@MolkosTeenageAngst I know that. I know there are worse possibilities of course and that would definitely be devastating. I could have my dreamed girl and yet she might not be healthy and that wouldn’t make me feel better just because it’s a girl of course. Nevertheless it still doesn’t change how I feel about being gender disappointed.

@StampOnTheGround Doesn’t seem you understand gender disappointment if you speak like this. I never said I would ever feel profoundly gutted that he exists. I think those are quite harsh words to use. I believe every child deserves the same kind of love from their mother no matter the sex, but I’m still not over the disappointment of not being able to have and raise a girl (probably). It’s not that complicated.

I understand that GD exists and I've had it to some extent but not to this degree. You should speak to your midwife about getting some help for your mental health and dealing with these feelings. Then by the time your baby arrives, you'll be in a much healthier place.

I was pregnant earlier in the year and I was terrified it would be twins - I'd convinced myself, I felt it, I had a premonition. I was feeling completely overwhelmed by the thought that I wouldn't be able to cope.

Well the scan came and it wasn't twins, it was just one little heartbeat. I was relieved. Then 2 weeks later I had another and the heartbeat had gone.

I would have taken twins a million times over staring at that lifeless scan.

Seriously OP, gender disappointment is real and understandable but you need to:

1. find out for sure (16 weeks +)

2. if it is a boy then get a grip, accept reality and start bonding with the LIFE that you are building. This is the start of a long journey of giving up your wants and expectations for that little baby who will soon be wholly dependent on you.

I had a miscarriage. I went to a scan expecting to see a healthy baby and instead there was no heartbeat.

My best friend had a stillbirth.

Other women find out daily that they are having a baby with abnormalities incompatible with life or a baby who
will be profoundly disabled.

THOSE are the worst outcomes OP. Not finding out that your healthy foetus has a penis. Your poor child, get a grip of yourself and get some therapy. And get a doll if all you want is something to dress in cute outfits.

Seriously OP, close the thread. You have offended enough people.

@Lisanet - I do understand gender disappointment, however this is another extreme and as everyone has mentioned, please get help before this baby is here.

For what it's worth, boys are absolutely great.

@Edenmum2 I can understand that too without any judgment how you felt about twins. it was also one of my worries but not into the point of being haunted by that idea and fear because I probably felt it wouldn’t be my case and that is actually quite improbable. Nevertheless my first question during my first ultrasound was if there’s only one to make sure. Probably how you felt about twins I felt about boys unfortunately even though the chances are always higher it’s gonna be a boy than it’s gonna be twins of course. But I feel truly sorry to hear what happened to you😢 Sometimes we don’t realise how shallow we are until it’s too late. I hope at least that you’re in a stable relationship and you can soon get the healthy baby you desire.

@Chasingbaby2 please feel free to leave this chat if you feel offended. I’m here for some words of understanding and encouragement not interested in judgmental people like you who try to make me feel worse for having certain feelings and expectations. I know there are people with worse problems, I don’t compare mine to anyone else’s. But if you can’t contribute in a positive way then don’t contribute in any way.

There you go again, worse 'problems'
You don't have a problem, you have a healthy baby boy

It is incredibly offensive to see that a problem of any kind.

Yes you are disappointed, I envisaged girls, I am one of 4. I have 3 boys, and there was a pang of sadness that I would never have a daughter.

But you are in effect telling all us mum's of boys that our children are a cross to bear

And to suggest people who have suffered infertility, multiple miscarriages or have children with disabilities are in way in the same league as your tantrum about not having the correct sex of baby .....
That is deeply offensive

You want a little girl because ‘they’re so cute’. That’s revolting both as a parent to be and someone who works with children.

There is so much wrong with everything you have posted. Including you not cropping out your name on the scans.

When people usually come to this forum hoping that results are wrong or that there is a chance something the sonographer has seen may not be the case, it is because there has been an anomaly or a concern the baby isn’t developing healthily. Not for reassurance that a baby girl could have been mistaken for a baby boy.

You need to speak to your midwife or get some support about your attitude to all of this, otherwise your baby will suffer.

And ask Mumsnet to remove your photos with your name on to reduce the chance of your son ever knowing what you were like during his pregnancy.

@Chasingbaby2 you probably must also carry some sort of bitterness or disappointment within you feeling so offended. Maybe you’re conciously unaware or denying it. Where and possibly how did you understand that I was trying to tell any of you mums of boys here that your boys are a cross to bear as you called it?! It’s about personal preference in raising one gender over another that’s all. And I’ve heard and read on many forums from mums that have that deep desire on one gender over another. Never ever felt a bit of judgment or need to shame them. I know many mums personally who had preference for boys and were so happy to have them and I think that’s awesome! Your comment is ridiculous.

Well you replied to the wrong person if you actually looked properly. That was another user replying to my post. But whatever it doesn't matter you are not listening to anyone replying to you. I pity you and your twisted views and will indeed be leaving this chat.

You sound like you are about 12 years old. Premonitions and predictions by random people? You need to grow up and get with the land of the living.
You are having a seemingly healthy baby, you need to be grateful, not remorseful!

I don’t really think that the OP is mature enough emotionally or mentally to have a baby, However she is having one and I pity the poor little mite ( male or female) with all my heart.
Get a grip, this is your child, not a toy or a pet. If you want your MH issues to extend onto the next generation you are going exactly the right way about it.

Good luck with your beautiful baby,
Hope you bond well. Make sure you join a Playgroup with babies of both sexes so that you and your son have girls and boys for friends.

Remember that your baby is happily in your belly and knows itself to be very content with who it already is.

Buying baby girl clothes years in advance of being pregnant, on the off chance you can get pregnant and also have a girl is just bizarre and dare I say it, not rational behaviour.

Are you under the care of mental health services? If not, it may be worth asking your GP to refer you for ante natal mental health support.
You definitely need some help to get over the possibility of having a beautiful baby boy, your emotions seem pretty extreme.

I just don't even know what to say about this post.
Having lost three babies myself, I assure you, all you should want is healthy and happy.

@OliviaFlaversham I see so much wrong about what you just wrote. Firstly to address posting my ultrasound scans without cropping my name, I literally didn’t realise at all it was there and now I’m not allowed to edit my post anymore. I’m aware now I have to contact MN to have them removed thank you for your concern. Secondly you saying that people that usually come to this forum hoping that results are wrong or that there is a chance something the sonographer has seen may not be the case, is because there has been an anomaly or a concern the baby isn’t developing well is untrue. I don’t say it’s not the case I just say it’s definitely not always or usually the case. FYI there are thousands of endless forums in many languages where ppl post and discuss their ultrasound pictures guessing the gender of their baby, because people are usually eager to know. I’ve myself been on many. There’s nothing wrong with that. So I beg to differ.

Honestly, it’s probably good that you’re not having a girl because it seems like you’re already projecting onto this baby. You want it to be a mini me. I’d be willing to bet you’re having thoughts about righting the wrongs of your own life and giving the baby stuff you never had. The baby is not you.

Boys are lovely, you just don’t know it yet. My little boy tells me I’m beautiful and he loves me, and he’s the only one who’s ever done that. He brings me flowers and leaves, and fetches me snacks that I haven’t asked for, and he’s a lovely little gentleman who treats me with more respect than any bloke has. You need to give your kid a chance.

Op it's very alarming that you still haven't reported your post and got Hq to delete the identifying photos. That should be your priority,not composing replies to other posters.

@cryinglaughing i never dared to think it’s rational behaviour😅. I’m just being honest and open about it and admitting It’s been my unhealthy passion. I still do obsess over girls clothes and I’ve heard many mums admitting there are just cuter and nicer outfits for girls.

And calling me mentally unstable for feeling gender disappointed is also very extreme. Thanks God there are some understanding women amongst you but not that many unfortunately.

I appreciate your advice regarding seeking help though. I don’t discard it.

I think you need to speak to your midwife about this. I understand gender disappointment and have experienced it, but no where near to this extent. The way you talk about being gutted and having to live with the disappointment of a boy is really worrying. Your baby deserves to be loved completely for who they are from the second they are here. Having a baby is really hard, especially in the newborn days, and you need to bind and love them to be able to care for them the best you can. I was a disappointment to my parents (for different reasons) and it really messed me up. Please get some help so your baby doesn't go through that.