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12 week scan yesterday... devastated. Any advice welcome.

232 replies

WickedWitchOfTheWest83 · 21/04/2018 18:13

Hi,

So yesterday (Friday) morning my husband and I skipped off to the hospital for our 12 week scan, both very excited to see our very much wanted 2nd baby.

An hour later, after hearing the heartbeat and watching the sonographer struggle because the baby was moving around so much (which my husband and I were laughing at because we thought it was so cute!), we were ushered into a private waiting room and told our baby’s NT is measuring at 6.3mm and there seemed to be a bit of fluid around the head too. I was hysterical and my husband was barely holding it together.

They took my bloods and couriered them off to be processed as quickly as possible and booked me in to see the consultant for another scan and CVS on monday. So we are waiting all weekend unable to function at all!

The foetal medicine nurse/midwife who was in the room with us at the hospital, trying to reassure but also prepare us and explain everything to us as best she could, called yesterday afternoon with the results...

1:146 risk of Downs.
1:9 risk of Patau’s Syndrome.
1:9 risk of Edwards syndrome.
Hormones are very low too - 2 particular pregnancy hormones that I don’t remember the names of.

So all is still going ahead on Monday with the scan and CVS. The consultant isn’t actually working on the ward that day but she is going to be in the hospital and has promised to come to the ward just for me.

We are in pieces. I can’t believe this is happening to us! This sort of thing is the kind of thing you read about but never think it would happen to you. Not really. I’m 34, my husband is 38. That’s not really old, is it? My husband and I just keep taking it in turns to be the strong one and hold the other while we cry. It’s mostly me crying, but he is just as devastated. We have to get through the next few days of tests, results and decisions and I’m not sure how to do it.

I keep scanning the internet and these threads looking for good news - women who have had the same experience but had healthy babies. We wouldn’t continue with the pregnancy if we didn’t think the baby was going to have the best quality of life, but we are trying to not go down that road yet - we want it to all have been a mistake on the doctors part.

I’m not sure what I am asking, but please post whatever replies you think might help.

OP posts:
backsackcraic · 25/04/2018 18:23

Heartbreaking for you. Sending hugs and strength x

Cakemadeoffruit · 25/04/2018 18:24

So very sorry Flowers

PistFump · 25/04/2018 18:25

Oh OP, I'm so very sorry hear your update. I hope that over the coming days you are able to make some sense out of it, and that you get the best possible real life support to make any decisions that are necessary. I'll be thinking of you x

Elliss2018 · 25/04/2018 18:31

So sorry wicked, what an awful shock for you all Thanks xxx

Ski40 · 25/04/2018 18:31

Oh no 😢...
I also lost a baby to Edwards so I know exactly what you are going through.
There is no right or wrong way to feel about this. Different feelings will come in waves and some days will be worse than others. It will never go away, I lost my little girl 8 years ago and still cry for her every day. But it will gradually get easier. Edwards is very rare and you are very likely to go on to have a perfectly healthy baby next if you decide to try again. I lost mine on 2 January and by March I was pregnant again, with a healthy baby. I'm telling you to try to give you hope when you are probably feeling completely hopeless.💔
We are all rooting for you here. You can DM any time if you need a chat. Sending you lots of love. Xx

TinyTerror1 · 25/04/2018 18:45

Oh no. I'm so sorry to hear that. Sending lots of love your way xxx

12PurpleSnails · 25/04/2018 18:46

I'm so sorry Thanks

intuition · 25/04/2018 18:57

I'm so sorry. Nothing more I can say. But sooo sorry.Thanks

bobstersmum · 25/04/2018 19:01

So sorry to hear this op! Sending love

Chrisinthemorning · 25/04/2018 19:02

I’m so sorry.
FWIW it’s normal to be grief stricken and so angry- at everyone and everything.
I found ARC and time got me through and we also had a rainbow baby- I have fertility problems anyway so opted for array cgh ICSI where they check the embryo has normal chromosomes before putting back.
PM me if you want a chat.Flowers

PleaseAndThanks · 25/04/2018 19:11

I am so sorry for what you are going through.

You sound like a wonderful, kind and strong woman. Xx

TheDisillusionedAnarchist · 25/04/2018 19:21

So sorry to hear your news. We were devastated when we got DD’s t18 diagnosis. We’d hoped for t21 or some other rare disorder. We chose to continue with the pregnancy and that was right for us but not for everyone. Also happy to talk if you would like to.

TheDisillusionedAnarchist · 25/04/2018 19:23

This is DD’s website www.rumersrainbow.co.uk lots of t18 info and links to groups and other families, both those who chose to continue and those who chose to end the pregnancy.

PerfectlyDone · 25/04/2018 19:30

Oh, Wicked, so sorry to read your news Thanks

There's nothing anybody can say to make it better, I know.
Strength and light being sent your and your husband's way.

pink1173 · 25/04/2018 19:32

Sending you lots of love xx

mommybear1 · 25/04/2018 19:41

So so sorry sending lots of love Thanks

fabulous01 · 25/04/2018 19:43

Sending hugs
When this happened to me I spoke to reception so that they knew to fast track me into the bad news room rather than sit in general waiting area.
I told them of my approximate time. When I arrived I couldn’t tell them my name but they guessed and got me moved quickly

There is a good website ARC which I never heard about but was invaluable

I can’t lie. It won’t be easy so do whatever you need to do xxx

Stephisaur · 25/04/2018 19:44

Oh wicked I am so so sorry 💐

I hope you are receiving the support you need right now 💕

ASAS · 25/04/2018 19:46

Oh my darling, I so hoped it would be different.

letstryagainaaahhhh · 25/04/2018 20:45

I'm so so sorry... I've have been in your position, although our baby had down-syndrome, and i felt all the emotions you describe. Please do not hesitate to contact me if you have any questions or simply need someone to talk to.

FuckingHateRain · 25/04/2018 21:09

I'm so sorry 😐 Flowers

PetraRabbit · 25/04/2018 22:10

I read your thread and came back to find out how everything turned out. I'm so sorry. Just know there are a lot of people thinking about you. Wishing you strength and happier future experiences.

HopeAndJoy16 · 25/04/2018 22:35

I'm so sorry Flowers I don't have any advice but be kind to yourself. Sending you and your family lots of love x

MollyHuaCha · 25/04/2018 22:38

I feel heartbroken for you. Thanks

EmmaGrundyForPM · 25/04/2018 22:46

I am so sorry for you Flowers