To ask how the frick I am pregnant?

[Arachnophobic]

I had a copper coil fitted in 2012 after Ds2 was born. Has worked well for us until I smelled a rat this week and my worst fears were confirmed when I found out I was pregnant

I am so annoyed at having to go through this and an inevitable termination - I would have so loved three in an ideal world but DH and I know that the financial and emotional burden would be too overwhelming, so as far as that's concerned, the decision has been made.

Has anyone else experienced or been through this?

[bighairmistake]

The copper coil has a failure rate of 0.8%, obviously small as a percentage but considering that thousands of women are using it then you have to accept there is a chance you'd get pg on it. The hormonal IUD has a smaller failure rate of 0.2% within the first year of use, so a better option. Male sterilization has a failure rate of 0.15% in the first year of typical use yet the implant has a smaller failure rate of 0.05% so that would be my option if getting pg was going to be an absolute disaster.

[DejaVuAllOverAgain]

I don't think the OP was being flippant. I read it as someone who is understandably angry and upset at being put in the position she is in especially as she has taken responsibility for contraception.

OP I can't offer any advice not already given but take care of yourself, be kind to yourself and do what is right for you.

[Sortyourmakeupout]

I have to say when I read ops post I too thought her comment was a bit flippant.

when my husband and I decided we couldnt afford/want anymore children we decided he would get sterilised.

mabe its time to think of something more permanent as no contraception is 100% and another pregnancy would also end in a termination.

[worriedmum100]

OP, I can't offer any advice but I just wanted to say that I am currently mid miscarriage after getting pg following fertility treatment and 2 years of trying. I'm not offended by your post. Both situations suck. I hope you will be ok.

[Sortyourmakeupout]

Margot-your comment about a termination slaying a newborn cuddly baby is disgusting.

if a termination isnt had thats exactly what it will be.

[Fannydabbydozey]

Gulp. I have the mirena, and even though I know nothing is 100 % effective, I would be horrified if I got pregnant. I'm getting chills thinking about it. I have two kids and I love them with all my heart, body and soul, but a baby now would mean we'd probably lose our home. Not exaggerating. It would have a huge effect on our finances and there's no wiggle room there at all right now...

I got pregnant whilst on the pill (DS - I had DV... Never thought...) and with a condom (Dd - god knows how that one happened. Due to work travel, we only had sex the once that month, that's how I knew it was a failed condom). Oh god. I don't know now how i thought I was so safe on the coil. This thread has really got me thinking.

I really feel for you. Obviously you know your situation. I would have to have a termination too. And really, how often are decisions like that taken lightly? I had a termination many years ago and don't regret it at all. It was the right thing to do at the time. I've been judged by friends since and it always pisses me off that they assume I made the decision without a second thought.

Get yourself checked out ASAP.

scurries off to find a chastity belt and maybe some kid of drug for DH to render him incapable of shagging

[VeryStressedMum]

OP you have the right to do what ever you feel is the best for you and your family. Women have the right to abortion whatever some people think. They have the right to their opinion and also the right and freedom to never abort their child but I don't think any woman should be made to feel they are wrong in their choice.

I don't agree with abortion FOR MYSELF however that's my choice for my life. I'm very much pro choice.
I don't expect anyone to tell me what I should do or what my choices in life should be and I wouldn't dream of doing that to someone else.

I wish you all the best OP.

[DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen]

Sort-sterilisation isn't 100% safe either.

[DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen]

Actually,I take that back, I'm not sure about sterilisation,I was speaking of vasectomy. Crossed wires!

[DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen]

After a quick google, it seems it's not.

[BackOnlyBriefly]

The OP was about the coil failure and the mention of termination just established that it was a decision already made and not the point of the discussion. There is nothing illegal or immoral about it and people having one do not need to hide away from other people in special areas.

[Namechngedforthis]

I think people are confusing pragmatic with flippant. Just because she doesn't want to air her emotions on here doesn't mean the decision wasn't incredibly difficult for her.

I am childless, I had a termination 2 years ago following a contraceptive failure. There was never any question of having the baby. I was back at work the following day and now I barely ever think about it. I realise it is different for the op as she mentioned wanting three children but some people are good at compartmentalising situations and emotions and shouldn't be judged for it.

Op, I am sorry this has happened to you, you appear to be dealing with it as well as you can. The best of luck for the future.

[MurderOfGoths]

Christ I loathe the self centred idiots who pull the whole "how dare you talk about abortion when others can't conceive" bullshit. Yes, it's shit not being able to conceive, it is also shit being pregnant when it isn't wanted, and it's shit being pregnant when it's wanted but not possible. Hate this stupid competition to see who has it worse. As for the whole "it might upset people", loads of things upset people. Funnily enough I'm a bit upset when I read of people being able to bring their babies home, or when I read of people having pleasant pregnancies and non-traumatic births, but I'm not self important enough to think it's someone else's problem. It's mine and mine alone. I know I can't go through life never seeing things that trigger me, so I just have to learn to walk away when things do. In an ideal world I'd never see those things in the first place, but it's not an ideal world and I can't expect others to candy coat it for me.

OP hope you are ok, it can't be easy for you at the moment. I haven't been through it, but can understand your position. I also know that if I were to get pregnant again it would be an "inevitable termination", and with two contraception failures already I am aware that I could end up in the same situation as you. So have a little idea how you are probably feeling. Look after yourself.

[KateSMumsnet]

Hi everyone,

We're going to move this to Antenatal tests/choices at the request of the OP.

[Meerka]

MNHQ can you also clean up the thread a bit so the OP can get some support, not this awful arguing that really will not help her at all?

arachna I am sorry to hear you've found yoruself in this horrible position. I hope you are ok and that you and your husband can be there for each other during this time. I know that under no circumstances could we cope with a third and are currently looking into options, we would be forced into the same decision.

[Abbierhodes]

Meerka, there have been no personal attacks, so I'd be shocked if any posts were deleted. The OP posted in AIBU and got a discussion.
She clearly stated that she knew she would upset people- for this reason, think she 'got off lightly' for want of a better phrase.
Had she posted in this section in the first place I'm sure she'd have had nothing but support.

[DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen]

She has hardly 'got off lightly'

[Abbierhodes]

back at you!

Can you point out any personal attacks to me? Because I've seen a few people saying she's being too flippant, a few who disagree with abortion and some who were just annoyed by her assertion that she knew people may be upset but didn't care.

[Sparklingbrook]

This has been swapped over to a topic where hopefully the OP can get some help. So stop bickering unless you have anything useful to add.

[Abbierhodes]

Fair point. Apologies to all, especially the OP. I hope things get better for you.

[FanFuckingTastic]

Just because some people are suffering one thing, doesn't mean someone suffering another has any less right to post it. We all have our own issues and this lady has clearly had a shock, she's upset, I think the last thing anyone on here would like is for someone to come onto a thread about your issues and tell you other people are worse off and you shouldn't say XYZ.

I hope you are okay OP.

[MargotLovedTom]

Sortyourmakeupout "Margot-your comment about a termination slaying a newborn cuddly baby is disgusting.

if a termination isnt had thats exactly what it will be."

Well, yes. Obviously. I don't really see your point.

The OP doesn't feel able to continue with the pregnancy. Abortion is legally available in this country. That's the top and bottom of it.

[differentnameforthis]

What advice does she need?

Whatever people want to post, perhaps some reassurance, hand holding,...

But not for her thread to be turned into a fight about where she can & can't post!!

[differentnameforthis]

Oh and there are so many POAS threads that are in chat and AIBU I fail to see the difference for people TTC in those threads and this for upsetting wise.

Agreed. If you are frequenting a parenting site, you have to deal with that fact that there will be people talking about babies/TTCing/Miscarriage & terminations.

It is a fact of life that not all conceived babies are wanted. MN is a good place to get support, and those who find it upsetting perhaps need to be careful which threads they open/what boards they choose to go on.