Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Antenatal tests

Get updates on how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy by signing up to the Mumsnet Pregnancy Newsletters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To ask how the frick I am pregnant?

124 replies

Arachnophobic · 17/02/2014 02:39

I had a copper coil fitted in 2012 after Ds2 was born. Has worked well for us until I smelled a rat this week and my worst fears were confirmed when I found out I was pregnant Shock

I am so annoyed at having to go through this and an inevitable termination - I would have so loved three in an ideal world but DH and I know that the financial and emotional burden would be too overwhelming, so as far as that's concerned, the decision has been made.

Has anyone else experienced or been through this?

OP posts:
sarahquilt · 17/02/2014 08:36

I would do the same in your shoes. I'd rather give 2 kids a good life than just keep popping them out.

sarahquilt · 17/02/2014 08:36

I would do the same in your shoes. I'd rather give 2 kids a good life than just keep popping them out.

Littlefish · 17/02/2014 08:44

OP - please have this thread moved out of AIBU - it really isn't the place for it.

Original poster
Arachnophobic · 17/02/2014 08:48

Hello all, thanks to all of those providing support. I am grateful and did not mean to sound flippant. It has been a hard decision to take.

I posted here as there is more traffic, and in doing so knew that some may get upset. Not a problem, they're entitled to their views.

I knew of the pregnancy forum, but didn't want to post there for obvious reasons, now I know about the termination forum I will request this post be moved.

Once again, thanks all xxxx

OP posts:
MauriceMinor · 17/02/2014 08:48

This is AIBU.

People are allowed to take issue.

Some people consider abortion to be wrong.

Saying things like "this is the OP's reality" and "none of your business" is ridiculous. This is a public talk forum. People will give their opinions. They are not horrible and nasty for disagreeing with you.

The OP did not come across as someone in turmoil, though she may well be. The "inevitable termination" comment is obviously going to be distasteful to some people.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 17/02/2014 08:52

A termination is inevitable if you find yourself in a susurration where pregnancy will be financially and emotionally over whelming

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 17/02/2014 08:53

Situation

Original poster
Arachnophobic · 17/02/2014 08:53

Not in turmoil? Just because a decision has been made that doesn't mean I am not in turmoil Maurice. Read the post again.

OP posts:
UptheChimney · 17/02/2014 08:54

Good luck, OP. I really admire your no-nonsense, straightforward approach. These sorts of decisions are hard enough, without people going all moralistic.

WeAreDetective · 17/02/2014 08:57

Maurice, that is really a pointless and unnecessary post to write. Why do that?

Just having your AIBU 'fun'?? Hmm

Agree with getting it moved. Good luck x

PoorOldCat · 17/02/2014 09:03

I'm scared of being in the same situation OP, I have three, and would have liked more children but am rubbish at pregnancy and it has a huge impact on the others when I am that ill.

I don't see myself ever having sex again at present as I am on my own, but if I ever do then avoiding pregnancy will be at the top of my list every time.

I'm told not even sterilisation is foolproof. I intend to have it done though at some point, probably.

I hate the idea of abortion and haven't ever gone ahead with it though I considered it due to various things...babies are wonderful, and always seemed the better option to me but I can understand where you are coming from.

I wish you all the best.

SeptemberFlowers · 17/02/2014 09:03

I too fell pregnant on the mirena coil.

As soon as I found out, I phoned DH and said "We've talked about this before, are you still comfortable for me to go ahead with the termination ?"

I too would have loved another dc but we are stretched as it is.

Thanks To you, and anyone who wants to judge can do one.

Sparklingbrook · 17/02/2014 09:03

Arachnophobic ignore the vile comments on here. I hope you are ok. x

Abbierhodes · 17/02/2014 09:07

"I posted here as there is more traffic, and in doing so knew that some may get upset. "

So you knew there were people on here who find abortion upsetting, and yet you posted anyway? Selfish.

MN has an ante natal choices section for a reason- so that people who are possibly suffering from a loss or struggling with infertility don't have to be confronted with mentions of abortion.

Your thread title did sound jokey, and didn't indicate that it would be about a termination.

DarlingGrace · 17/02/2014 09:10

If you want a third baby, you'll make it work. You'll regret it if you do terminate

RescueCack · 17/02/2014 09:20

Don't be hasty with the termination. It's not inevitable yet, although your GP may recommend one depending on the placement (ectopic etc). You can choose. Inevitable sounds like you have no choice, and that isn't true.

oliviaoctopus · 17/02/2014 09:29

If you want the baby op it will work out. I was booked in for an abortion last week but cancelled it and Im really pleased I did now. We cant wait for the baby.

MargotLovedTom · 17/02/2014 09:32

Ffs, you'd think a termination involves slaying a cute, cuddly newborn baby the way some people go on. The right to abortion has been hard won, and I wonder if these people would prefer to go back to the days of back street abortions with all the attendant horrors that went with that.

Look at what's happening in some states in the USA with the erosion of womens rights over their bodies. I for one am very appreciative of the laws we have in this country.

Good luck OP, and I'm pleased to hear your DH is booking in for a vasectomy, that should be a relief (and yes, before someone points it out - I know that's not 100% effective either).

sparechange · 17/02/2014 09:33

DarlingGrace, how can you know what the OP will or will not think in the future.
Vile for you to push your own agenda on her.

sebsmummy1 · 17/02/2014 09:34

Nice place to put this topic OP. Particularly as you knew members who are struggling to conceive or currently miscarrying their much wanted babies would read it.

Booboostoo · 17/02/2014 09:37

What a shock for you OP! We all know no method of contraception is 100% safe but you never think it's going to happen to you. I got pregnant two weeks after stoping the pill I had been taking for 10 years, when a condom broke and the morning after pill failed to work - sounds made up doesn't? Unfortunately it wasn't. I had even forgotten having done the pregnancy test when the GP called with the (unwelcome) news.

Take a few days for the news to sink in and do what is best for you and your family. I never regretted my decision to terminate.

Booboostoo · 17/02/2014 09:38

And may I add I am currently pregnant (with much wanted) DC2 after trying for quite a while and I still don't take other people's decision to terminate personally! What a bizarre attitude to take!

whatever5 · 17/02/2014 09:41

I'm sorry that this has happened and I hope it's not an ectopic pregnancy. It seems such as shame that you intend to have a termination if you would have loved to have three children though....

Minnieisthedevilmouse · 17/02/2014 09:49

Ugh my worst fear too.... I'd also 'flippantly' decide to terminate due to our circs. Because obvs it really is that easy.

I'm so sorry op. So very sorry. Thinking of u xxx

5madthings · 17/02/2014 09:53

there is no rule that says threads about termination must but put in the ante natal tests and choices board and it may not be a board the op is famoliar with.

the op knew she wd get more traffic in aibu...its a shame that people insist on seeong it as a fight club and being snipey and unthoughtful when the op is obviously about a sensitive issue.

op i am sorry you have found yourself in this situation, you sound clear on your decision. just look after yourself op, a termination sounds the right choice but you can still be angry/upset/annoyed at this situation, let yourself process those feelinhs ans be kind to yourself. xx