23 weeks and having to choose termination if you can call it choice!!

[zen1980]

I'm 23 weeks pregnant and at my 20wrrk scan (done at 21 weeks) they said the baby had dilated kidneys however, did happen occasionally and that it was nothing to worry about. To be safe they arranged a scan with a renal consultant today. Today we could not have got given more worse news (to us). The baby has dysplastic kidney disease which it has in both kidneys, one kidney is huge an not functioning which you can live with just one kidney. However, the consultant was pretty sure cysts where forming in the other kidney and the fluid around the baby was Reducing. This would make the baby at full term incompatible with life.
They now have to decide whether the hospital will stop her heart as they are often bound to see if she will survive once born. If we carried on with the pregnancy here is a less than 10% chance she would survive an we would watch her pass away.
We have a 3 year old who is excited beyond belief about her sister an what do I say? Before her we had a mmc an that was bad enough but this? I feel my baby kicking as I type an can not think of what is going to get me through this. My Dh is so supportive but I don't think I can go on the pain is too much knowing our plans and hope have just been Squashed again.
I lost my mum quite soon after my daughter was born an that was hard enough but this....
Can anyone help??

[Michellephant]

Also, I just realised I hadn't suggested what to say to your daughter. There are some children's books that help to explain death. My local library has quite a selection of these types of book (which I think is fantastic) so perhaps you could look for something like that as they are age-specific usually and will help you choose your words. Children are often extremely resilient and good at dealing with these things.

[CremeEggThief]

Just wanted to say I am so sorry you are going through this. Xxx.

[ghislaine]

Just wanted to say I have been thinking of you today, zen.

[mytwopennies]

So sorry you have had to go through this. You were in my thoughts today, I hope you somehow find the strength to make a full and speedy recovery x

[BasilBabyEater]

I'm so sorry zen.

I hope you get through this OK. Be kind to yourself.

[GaryBuseysTeeth]

So sorry to hear what you're going through Zen, am thinking of you. xxx

[Southsearocks]

So very sorry that this has happened . Another MNer thinking of you all x

[manitz]

Hi Zen, hope it is all over and you are now able to rest. x

[zen1980]

Hey everyone just an update baby Jack was born at 7.02pm weighing a huge 1lb 10oz he Is absolutely perfect an gorgeous like his big sister. A lovely surprise that he is a boy not girl an we can't get over how big he is. He passed away with us cuddling him.
Our prayers were answered an it was over as quick as I could have asked only starting the process at 12.30 today.
I feel very proud to call him out son an we are spending the night with him before he is taken for the private funeral we have arranged.
He is at peace now with grandma x thank you all fit your thoughts, kind words an advice it means so much xx

[SirBoobAlot]

Much love to you, Zen.xx

[WotSoFunee]

Love to you and your families xxx

[Startail]

RIP little Jack and time and peace to heal to your parents and DSIS.

[chipmonkey]

zen, thinking of you and your little Jack. You did the right thing for him and it was the best for him.
When you feel ready, do feel free to join us here We have all lost precious children, some born sleeping, some lost as babies and some older children too.
You are in my thoughts and prayers. xxxxxx

[AThingInYourLife]

Well done zen, RIP baby Jack, love to your family.

[essexmumma]

RIP little Jack x

[CassieTheCockatoo]

Thinking of you. Rest peacefully little Jack.

Be kind to yourself Zen -big hugs.

[pmgkt]

Thinking if you, x

[GaryBuseysTeeth]

RIP little Jack.
You & your family are in my prayers, hope the funeral today is peaceful & beautiful. x

[LivingProof]

I hope today was everything you all needed it to be.

Wishing you and your family peace and healing.

[NotAQueef]

RIP darling baby Jack.
My thoughts are with you x

[foofooyeah]

RIP Jack, what a terribly sad time for you, prayers and peace to you.

[Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme]

I love the name Jack, it was my Grandads name.

Rest in Peace little boy.

So sorry for you.

[toffeelolly]

Zen so sorry ,am thinking of you and your family. your little angel Jack will always be with you. Look after yourself ( hugs ) x

[zen1980]

Thanks guys we are just taking it hour by hour really I'm feeling pretty numb, don't know if that will be the same after the funeral next weds.
I love my- it wasn't our 'boys' chosen name but both our granddad were called jack an it just felt right when we saw him and now it feels perfect.
Thank you for thinking of me x

[GaryBuseysTeeth]

Sorry, misunderstood where you wrote about spending time with him before the funeral.
Hope last night was peaceful, and your daughter is helping you through.

xx