Fetal reduction - twins to singleton

[mostlyhappy2010]

Hello,
I know that this may seem offensive to some, and I apologise in advance for this: I am desperate for some advice: I am 7 weeks pregnant with twins (non-identical). After 2 weeks on an emotional rollercoaster, I have decided that I cannot cope with twins due to health, emotional, practical, financial reasons. I am considering fetal reduction.
There seems to be very little information about fetal reduction from twins to a singleton. The doctors seem to default to termination of both. Has anyone got experience with fetal reduction in the UK? Where do I go for more information, either NHS or private?
Any information would be very useful. Thanks a million!

(Please do not post judgement: it has been a difficult decision, and it still is a difficult time).

Ah I see - well I guess I answered that question then
Everybody has to make their own choices but we live in a community - people will have a view about your choice. It would be very arrogant to assume that they won't.

An abortion isn't something I could have and tbh haven't lost one of my twins actually choosing to get rid of one just doesn't compute in my head.

having, not haven't.

'Support' isn't the same as enablement or agreement though. If you think someone's contemplating a lifechanging mistake the most 'supportive' thing is to say so - especially when they seem like they don't want to hear it.

Everybody who ever changes their mind has already made a decision - that's why it's changing their mind otherwise it would just be deciding. Having made a decision is not necessarily the end of reflection on a situation.

ragged - 2 beans were detected on my 4 week scan, which was an internal one

good luck with whichever path you choose op.

I assumed the OP was a journo

Could be, Eldon.

My first thought wasn't for the op or her feelings but how it would impact on the surviving twins life.

I do think that's it's totally valid and useful for parents of twins - who have seen how twins work - to express their feelings. As the parent of three singletons I would say I haven't the least idea about twins!

To the OP, perhaps this wasn't the best place to post your thread, but I'm sure you weren't deliberately trying to insense all of us Multiple mums. Since you have posted here, I don't think there is anything wrong in us asking you to think about the possibility you might regret this decision if you go ahead with it. I can echo the comments of some of the other posters here - my ID twin boys were born when my DD was only 19months, so we had 3 under 2. It was/is hard work, it is definitely stretching us financially and emotionally, and yet I cannot now even imagine what life would be like without any one of the 3 of them. I feel so fantastically lucky.

Question - theoretically, you could carry the twins and give one up for adoption and avoid the financial/emotional/practical issues you refer to in your OP. Realistically, I do appreciate no mother could make the decision of which if her babies to give up, hence why no-one has suggested this.

PS. how do you know you are carrying non-ID twins? Seperate sacs and placentas does not automatically mean non-ID twins.

I hope you are happy with the decision you make.

The issue here isn't that the op has decided to terminate a pregnancy - the issue is that she planned to have one more child, and when nature gave her two she basically decided that two wouldn't fit in with her family so she'd get rid of one in order to have the pregnancy she wanted.

This has nothing to do with health or wellbeing of the baby or the parents - it is a lifestyle choice, pure and simple.

Generally people who have terminations do so because they have fallen unexpectedly pregnant, or perhaps because a disability has been detected at an anomaly scan. To terminate a planned pregnancy purely because you got more than you bargained for is just selfish.

It is the op's perogative to kill one of her babies because she only ordered one. but she shouldn't expect sympathy for doing so, imho.

sorry but i agree with wannBe

I posted early on in this thread trying to be non judgemental.
It's been going round and round my mind, I have always wondered that if I'd fallen pregnant with a higher multiple, even knowing the risks, I would never choose reduction but each to there own.
I agree with what many posters have said including wannabe, the thought that went through my head was, you only wanted one more but got two, the choice is to abort or to keep them, I really don't think you have an NHS reduction as an option.
My next thought was if you aborted and tried again, it would be triplets!

totally totally totally agree with wannabe - especially everything she says in the post a few posts up

this is haunting me and for the child that will be left without its twin.

OP I have no useful information, so wasn't going to post. but you are getting a bashing here and I think it is worth reminding posters here of how shocked some people are to find out it's twins. myself, I cried daily for 2 or 3 weeks, didn't know how we would cope. my dts are 6 months now, and I have never wished I didn't have either one, but have often wished we'd had them one at a time.

I am pro choice. I do hope you make a choice that will sit comfortably in your heart. have you approached your gp? that is surely where you would need to start.

Please think hard before making this decision.

My DTD1 was stillborn. Her twin sister will have to deal with her loss for the rest of her life. We will support her, and grieve with her, but will never know the full impact of that loss. I can't imagine how much worse it would be for her if it had been due to a lifestyle choice on our behalf.

Sorry to sound cold.

No, I suppose not Dee.

I shouldn't have looked at this thread. Sorry. Going now.