Fetal reduction - twins to singleton

[mostlyhappy2010]

Hello,
I know that this may seem offensive to some, and I apologise in advance for this: I am desperate for some advice: I am 7 weeks pregnant with twins (non-identical). After 2 weeks on an emotional rollercoaster, I have decided that I cannot cope with twins due to health, emotional, practical, financial reasons. I am considering fetal reduction.
There seems to be very little information about fetal reduction from twins to a singleton. The doctors seem to default to termination of both. Has anyone got experience with fetal reduction in the UK? Where do I go for more information, either NHS or private?
Any information would be very useful. Thanks a million!

(Please do not post judgement: it has been a difficult decision, and it still is a difficult time).

DoctorWho - My statements are mainly based on my experience and opinions yes. But if you're talking about the list of issues multiple parents face, that was pulled together from other sources, TAMBA for the divorce and poverty, a book on neuro-development for the educational, the fsids site for the less likely to live to a year. The miscarriage and handicap ones were from what I was told by my doctors when I was pregnant (and have read many times and I thought was fairly widely accepted). I may have been paraphrasing on some of them. My intention is not to convince the OP - I would never suggest to someone they shouldn't have twins simply because of those risks - it was to counter people saying that the shock of finding out you have twins is mainly because of hype. And I'm saying - no it's not, multiples can be wonderful, mine are, but they are more stressful than singletons in many real ways that have a demonstrable impact. It's reasonable for someone to come to the conclusion they'd rather not put themselves in that situation even if other people find the risk to be acceptable.

As to you being offended by my view that fertility can and should be managed - if you're a [http://www.quiverfull.com/ quiverfull] type, then there's not much more to say. But if you think it's OK for women to intentionally not spend their whole fertile lives having as many children as possible then we have quite a lot of overlap.

I guess I was surprised that someone should find out so early, that's all. I forgot that it seems that many people if they had early spotting (or similar problems) they would go get scanned; I wouldn't make that choice, but I gather it's a majority one... and easy to obtain? OP obviously not had IVF or a history of twins, or she wouldn't be in this quandry now.

Still can't see it was unreasonable to ask.
Fwiw, OP, I know a mother of twins who was so horrified she seriously considered a single or maybe even double reduction after receiving the news at the 12 week scan. She very definitely wanted only ONE more child, too. A big factor in her decision to continue was because consultant said she might never conceive again at her age. Now she says they weren't that bad at all, although her husband said that he remembers nothing at all about the first six months of the twins' lives.

There is a whole world of difference between managing your fertility and abortion. Your last statement means adequate contraception, not selective reduction. I don't have a religious bone in my body and am pro choice. I have remained neutral with regard to the OP but you seem intent on steering her towards reduction as that is what you did. Just because it is what was right for you, and yes, that was YOUR choice, does not mean that it is right for others.

The main thing that has been advised is to take advice and think carefully.

TheVisitor - I read the OP as her having already decided, I'm not trying to influence her in that regard. I had twins, which I'm also happy about, but I'm not trying to get her to do that just because I did. I gave her my experience which wasn't totally on point for her but seemed more so than most of what had been posted. My later posts are mainly to other posters who seemed to think she does not know her own mind.

To me managing your fertility means everything from abstinence, to contraception, to IVF, to abortion. I don't think there is a whole world of difference between contraception and abortion or selective reduction, they are both about avoiding having children you do not feel able to. And over all, I think that's a good goal.

You do appear to have used the OP's thread as your own personal soapbox. And of course there is a difference. Contraception avoids pregnancy, whereas abortion ends it.

I will say though, reduction is mentioned far more in the US than in the UK. It seems to be par for the course that any mother expecting triplets or more is offered reduction, often given horrific statistics as to what will happen if they continue with this pregnancy. This is not just my opinion, but real life stories from american women on a multiples website that I used when my triplets were younger. There is more intervention and pregnancy is treated as an illness, rather than a natural process.

This could turn into an interesting debate, but I don't think that this is the right thread for it.

Demented, that's because it is an emotive subject and placed on a multiples board. Unfortunately, there is no "right" place for a thread like this.

To the OP. I wish you all the luck in the world and hope that the decision you make is the right one for you. Take care.

You have my sympathies. x

presumably this post should be in antenatal tests/choices (or whatever it's called).

It's pretty insensitive to post a thread in a topic where everyone else has twins (or more) asking how you can get rid of one of yours just because it doesn't fit in with your lifestyle. IMO it's not dissimilar to posting a in the sn topic asking the same question if your unborn baby had just been diagnosed with a disability.

IMO asking other mothers of twins to give you good advice and support to kill one of your babies is pretty bloody insensitive. If you want to get rid of one of them that is of course your perogative, but the medical profession are best placed to advise you there.

Oh and no I don't have twins. And yes I do judge, and that is as much my perogative.

I think WannaBe has said what needed to be said and is being fair.

Bravo, wannabe. I agree.

Wannabe has said what I didn't have the guts to say.

Well said Wannabe. I wanted to say everything you have said!

It is more the topic the OP has chosen to place this in that needed some thought.

I would think it quite logical to Google it if you're already at the point of looking for someone to perform the abortion.

But why deemented? Most people who post on this topic do so because they have had a multiple births, not because they have terminated a child.

I don't think the OP was ever going to get the audience that YourChoice feels she deserves here. Fwiw I am judging her too. I am very uncomfortable with the idea of selective reduction.

Who is that question to deemented?

Are you asking me Dee? If so then my feelings on this issue are based on a view that whilst selective reduction for higher multiples may be argued to preserve life that is at otherwise at major risk, the same arguements do not exist with twin to singleton pregnancies. Twins are a higher risk pregnancy but your odds of delivering healthy children nearish to term are far higher than with sextuplets say. The op has a legal right to terminate a pregnancy and I fully support that. However in the exact circs she outlines I don't agree with terminating a pregnancy whilst retaining a pregnancy - that standpoint makes no sense to me.