Hey so I am 4 months postpartum and to cut a very long story short my partner was horrible to me during pregnancy and messed my head around we've been together 6 years have a little boy who is 4 months we will get into arguments when we are over stimulated and fair enough but any time we argue it turns into madness he will comment on my body say my c section scar is disgusting say I'm the worst mother that I should do myself a favour and my son and kill myself hell tell me he hasn't wanted me for months tells me he just stays for an easy life but what I don't get is everytime we argue its the same things he says and I will break my heart everytime try get over him in that moment untill he comes and says sorry now that's all he says now and I'm getting fed up woth it because i expect so much more because nobody deserves this around 3 weeks ago we were arguing and he drove off left me a good 35 minute walk away from his mother's house he drove with our son and he obviously was crying and he doesn't have a clue what's wrong with him when and he fed him again after 1 hour before I gave him a bottle so when he told me this on the phone I ran as fast as i could all I could think was my baby was crying needed soothed to sleep and they are up there forcing a bottle down his throat so I get up there and to my realisation his mummy has come running at me shouting and started to push me saying I wasn't getting my child saying I do nothing for him apparently because his son is so lazy to clean his bottles at night when it's his turn he has to bring them to his mummys with him while I work for 2 hours a day and clean them so this was all outside in public she had me crying I broke down just wanted my son I couldn't believe he stood there and let his mother treat me that way she told me that my partner would be staying with her tonight tonight where is my flat keys so they can get his stuff so obviously he came bsck that night to me and our son and I said stupidly it wasn't u it was your mummy so now I haven't spoke to her since having went near her my child has though only because I don't want to be that woman but she disrespected me as a mother butted into my relationship then his sister who is supposed to be godmother blocked me on everything for I don't know what and I just don't feel like they're the type of people I need in my life life I could have said so much about her parenting I've watched the way she's treated my partner and he's told me but then again that's not me so fast forward today we fight again and he said sorry I didn't say anything back because my heart has had enough like I've been trying to tell him he has told me I'm disgusting he doesn't love me and everything horrible imaginable there has been physical fighting also and today as I'm writing this I have a very sore rib he punched me and I couldn't breathe he is like 14stone and I I only 8 and a half stone I feel like there's no way out I feel like if I kill myself it's the only way it can end as I don't feel strong enough to carry on on my own I have had anough my ehole pregnancy I wanted to die my grandad died and I couldn't even grieve him as we were arguing and I just wanted to run away has anyone else been in a similar relationship and been through anything liek this I wouldve been here all day writing things if I said them all and also today I was offered a full time job in a solicitors as I am their cleaner and he was all for me taking it to only be told when fighting it is so he doesn't have to see me all the time anymore like this makes me seem as though I will not let him leave but when I tell him just to go please leave and that I am done thats when he apologises says he didn't mean it untill the next time and he will say the exact same things I can't even enjoy being a mother anymore I'm constantly on edge I feel disgusting the way he's made me feel he will say nobody will ever want me and he has not said a thing to his mother for what she done on me I don't ever want the woman in my company again as she was given the cha ce to apologise and I got an 'ohhhhhh I'm sooooo sorry for yesterday but stay the fk away from my house' I don't understand how they can be so evil my own mother is sick she is 5 stone needs heart surgery and lung problems C.O.P.D,osteoporosis I would kill myself only she wouldn't be able to cope I feel like sometimes my son eould do better without me as I gave him that evil man as a father and I stayed and I'm failing him by letting his father do this to me I have no friends no support I wouldn't go to my mother as she has enough on her plate we are very alike we take on everybody's problems and worry our lives away does anyone even think there's a chance he might actually just be struggling with his depression or am I as stupid and a fool as I think I am I truly love him to pieces and I thought we'd get through it all thank you