15 months of sleep deprivation and marriage suffering

[Daisies1]

My 15mo has been always been a poor sleeper, but after the 10 month regression just never recovered. He self-settles for bed, has a bottle most nights and settles back to sleep. However he starts most days at 3.30-4.30am and nothing in the world will settle him.

Naps I feed to sleep, but now this doesn’t work unless he’s attached to me the whole time or if I drive for 1.5hours. After trying to settle in the morning (which never works I just do it to lay down a bit longer). I’m effectively feeding or driving him for about 3.5 hours a day. I just can’t put him down in his cot any more.

I tried sleep training and it was awful and won’t do it again.

My mental health is getting bad, I have no support from family and friends and he won’t settle for my husband at all.

He won’t fall asleep in my bed so Co sleep ing not an option

I just can’t cope any more. I gave up my job/ home friends to relocate for my husbands job. I hate my job, I’m so sleep deprived and I feel lonely and unloved in my marriage.

I’ve felt miserable since my son was born but I just can’t see light at the end of the tunnel :( I just feel if I could get some sleep maybe life would be better!

Yes he does sleep at nursery! They rock him to sleep and belly rub to resettle, neither which work for me! Trying to adjust naps be not really seen a difference .
Thanks x

This is from a mum who's 9 and 11 year olds are medicated to sleep......you need to be hard and boundaries need to be put in place.

Without medication my 9 year old will sleep 2 hours or zero hours...with it, we get 4 hours!

The eldest is not as extreme but was sleep trained and it worked well ...we got extra hours and he needed the rules to follow.

You obviously are not desperate enough as you are not getting help!!!! They are still too harsh for your liking!!!

Sorry if you think I'm bring harsh.....but you need it too! Some weeks I'll just get 16 hours sleep a week.... My kids just don't need sleep, they are medicated because thier parents need sleep. I type this with our 9 year old in our bed with his iPad, he's been here since 2am!

DS2 (now 2yrs 2 months) was a shocking sleeper until he 21 months old. In bed at 7pm, awake at 10pm, midnight and up for the day at 4am. I was exhausted. At 21 months he just decided sleep was good and now regularly sleeps from 7pm-7.30/8am. I know you've said yours still needs naps but his good sleeping coincided with him dropping naps.

DS1 was always an amazing night time sleeper but for naps I had to walk for hours or drive and sit in the car while he napped. He also dropped naps at 21 months which made life so much easier.

No advice for you really, just that I know exactly how you feel. My husband and I (particularly me - DH can survive on little sleep better then me) were grumpy, snappy and had some bad days. But you need each other to get through this. I used to go to bed at 8pm to get some sleep. Keep going it really is a phase x

That's quite positive though- you know he can be settled back to sleep. Can nursery tell you anything else about what they do? Mine told me what music they played for nap time which helped a bit. Has your husband tried settling him by rubbing his tummy?

You can contact Home Start and they will connect you with an adult volunteer who will visit you and support you. You sound lonely and isolated as well as sleep deprived.

Well we tried one nap and made no difference, actually it was worse as he’d woken by 9.30pm 😢

You've got to stick to it for at least 5 days/nights unfortunately......it often gets worse before better x

Oh Daisies that sounds exhausting! Have also spent hours on car drives to no where although now there is a Costa drive thru near us these are more bearable :). My poor sleeper now sleeps through about t nights out of 7 xx this too shall pass. Sounds like your husband really needs to step up though. Maybe some counselling would help you both talk things through? X

Can anyone recommend a gentle sleep trainer? My son is waking every morning at 3.15/3.30 now and with the clock change looming I can’t take any more?! Thanks x

Sorry to hear the sleep is getting worse. You must be shattered!

This is the sleep trainer we used, who was recommended on other threads. I thought she was great.

http://www.childsleepsolutions.co.uk

Just to add, she doesn't have a set sleep training method. She'll speak to you about your issues and what you're comfortable with, and then come up with a plan that works for you.

Hope you can get some rest in the meantime. How are naps going?

Thanks :)
Whilse the weather is ok I’m managing to wrap him up, do naps in the car then transfer to cot which is a relief! Don’t have a plan B if it’s raining though!

Just to say I hope you are getting on ok. How is it all going?