I don't want my baby anymore
LuckyGreenGrass · 02/04/2017 17:48
Name changed for this as I'm so embarrassed and don't want to be outed.
I had my baby naturally on the 30th of March and she is now 3 days old. We came home on the 31st March after midwife checking latching etc and doctors checks.
Ever since I got home I just can't stop feeling like we have made a huge mistake having a baby. I have anxiety over feeding, nappies, health, pretty much anything I could have anxiety about.
Breastfeeding is causing me stress as my nipples already hurt like hell and I'm using shields but I can't sterilise them quick enough to keep feeding in the cycles that she seems to feed in.
She feeds for five minutes, falls asleep and then screams as soon as you move her to put her down. She will then feed again for 5 minutes and the whole process repeats itself. I don't feel like I'm getting enough into her and when the midwife weighed her today and advised she had lost some of her body fat. They aren't concerned but want me to concentrate on feeding and burping.
I haven't slept properly as all I do all night is the same cycle. I have tried hand expressing the colostrum but I just can't get it right.
What do I do? Is it just the baby blues or something more serious? I feel hideous as I do love her more than anything but sometimes all I want is to just give her back.
Sorry for the long post. I'm in tears just writing it.
theothersideoftheworld · 02/04/2017 18:00
Ah you poor thing. These feelings of 'Christ what have I done' are entirely normal. Don't forget your hormones are going crazy, your milk will be coming in soon and that in itself can make you tearful.
Have you got a supportive partner? Just sit and feed and do nothing else. Don't plan anything, just try and take it easy. When is your HV coming? Mention these feelings to her too. I couldn't express at all so don't let that make you anxious, but I know how hard it is.
Having a baby is a massive change in your life, you will get used to each other soon enough but it will take time.
fannydaggerz · 02/04/2017 18:00
It's hard work having a baby, especially in the beginning.
It WILL get easier, I promise.
Do you have a partner or family/friend who can help with feeds/changing/etc to let you get a sleep?
Have you spoken to your midwife about how you're feeling?
LuckyGreenGrass · 02/04/2017 18:23
I have an amazing partner who helps with nappies and everything but he feels bit helpless in trying to make me feel better as I don't accept anything he says as I just feel so low.
SummerHouse · 02/04/2017 18:29
I would guess you have post natal depression. It is so very common. And easily treated generally. Speak to midwife or health visitor and get some help. You can do this. It is so hard with a relentless baby. You need to get out the house too as that will help with anxiety. Bottle feed if that's what you want and if it helps give you a break.
user1474439326 · 02/04/2017 18:33
It may ease off and all start to feel easier , it may not, and you may need to seek further help.
What I do know is that you are perfectly normal. It's batshit crazy for the first 6 weeks AT LEAST.
Re bf, either just sit and feed if you are able it's hard work but can pay off. If you think you'd feel better trying some formula then that's ok too. As long as you're ok then the baby will be too. Good luck xx
Gunpowder · 02/04/2017 18:34
Promise it passes. Day 3 is the very worst day. Especially with your first baby.
FurryElephant · 02/04/2017 18:40
You'll get there! It's so so difficult at first with such a huge change in what life was like, one of the things that helped me the most was to completely let go of any expectations I had and just go with whatever happened. Cos really none of us know what we're doing! Set up camp on the sofa and just have you baby with you and feed and cuddle as much as you both need definitely speak to your midwife or HV when she comes and get as much support as possible, as it is out there and that's what they're there for!
And with the shields, I was told washing them in hot soapy water was fine but I did buy sterilising wipes which are a complete life saver! After a quick wipe I usually stick it back in my bra as I figure baby would be feeding straight from the boob so it can't be dirty in there
It will all be okay
PollytheDolly · 02/04/2017 18:40
I remember, many moons ago with DS1, after a few days I just could not stop crying.
Be kind to yourself. You've just gone through a life changing event. It'll be ok and if it lingers a bit too long, see your GP
Jayfee · 02/04/2017 18:45
my amazng partner insisted we give my daughter a bottle at night from the first night i came home. thank god he did. i breastfed for 9 months apart from that one bottle about 6 pm, if memory is right. what i did not know was that a baby sucking does not mean a baby feeding. if your baby keeps waking she could just be hungry. giving one bottle did not affect my breast milk production. when you are tired your breast milk production lessens apparently.
with my second child, i felt terrible guilt because i didnt like him. the birth had been tricky and also they took him away for a short time to give him oxygen.
for 4 days i felt terrible and didnt even tell my husband. one day another mum looked at him and at me and said he will be gorgeous when he grows up and you will love him. it was though she had the same experience and understood and it wasnt long before my love for him flooded in.
so be kind to yourself and almost certainly things will fall into place. i felt the first six weeks were needed to adjust. but if you still feel bad in a weeks time get thee to your gp and ask for assessment for post natal depression which is a chemical imbalance not a character defect. good luck and please come back to let us all know how you are.
JamesDelayneysTattoos · 02/04/2017 18:47
I am a doula. Please contact your nearest lactation consultant today or tomorrow and get your baby checked for a tongue tie. Breastfeeding should not hurt like that and baby is clearly unsettled.
Midwives ( apologies ) are not trained to diagnose tongue tie nor are doctors. I would bet my children on there being a problem.
Day 3 is when your milk is coming in so baby blues will hit hard.
Please get some support asap and I guarantee life will begin to ease.
I'm Midlands if you are anywhere near me. I have breastfeeding contacts in Worcester, Shropshire, Midlands etc.
heshere · 02/04/2017 18:47
One day at a time. Just keep repeating that to yourself. One day at a time. Just live in the now and don't worry about the next stage/phase/leap/nappy any of that.
With the breastfeeding. I would ditch the shields. Get your partner to go get you some multi mamm compresses and balm. Lash these on after ever feed, leave your boobs out as much as possible, it will take a week or so for the nipples to heal but they will. And it will hurt like hell until they do, but it'll be worth it when it calms down.
You will be fine, better than fine. You will be great x
heshere · 02/04/2017 18:49
Oh and get her assessed for tongue tie, even the mildest of it can cause problems.
hellomarshmallow · 02/04/2017 18:49
Day 3 is some sort of hormone overload. I cried a lot with all my DC! Possibly day 5 too. I'd guess most people feel this way, it's a relentless task looking after a newborn; combined with feeding, pain and pure exhaustion, it's bound to have an impact.
Get an extra set of nipple shields so you can sterilise one and have one ready.
Everything will be a bit chaotic for a while, but this is not what all of babyhood will be like. The first few weeks are intense! The first couple of months will be hard work; it'll get easier.
Keep posting and don't feel bad about your feelings. Tell your health visitor and tell them if you start feeling worse.
hellomarshmallow · 02/04/2017 18:54
Also, it's an idea to look up 'engorgement' and prepare for it in the next couple of days. Warm compresses can help. Good websites: kellymom and laleche league.
La leche league helpline for any breastfeeding help and support:
0345 120 2918
Also worth getting some lansinoh cream and apply after every feed.
hope you start feeling better soon
juneau · 02/04/2017 18:56
The first few days with your first DC can be really hard. I well remember how sleep-deprived, clueless, inadequate and out of my depth I felt. You may well be suffering with the baby blues - day three is about right for that. I remember I cried a lot at that stage (your milk should come in soon too, which can also be a very emotional experience). What you describe sounds VERY normal (or at least I felt exactly like that too).
The best advice I can give you is to get support. Did your mum/sister/friend breast-feed? If so, can one of them come and sit with you for a few hours and help/reassure you? If you don't have someone available like that could you afford a post-partum doula? I had help from an amazing woman who came to my house, helped with DS, made dinner for us, did laundry, helped me get bf off to a good start, held DS while I had a nap, etc. It might just be the best money you ever spend.
Tfoot75 · 02/04/2017 18:57
Please don't worry that she isn't getting enough, babies stomachs are minuscule when first born and we are designed to have only the tiniest drops of colostrum until your milk comes in which should be any time now. Baby is born with 'brown fat' that converts easily to water and sugar during the first few days of life, weight loss is entirely normal. Both my girls lost 10% of their birth weight and I bf them both to 11 months, exclusively to 6 months. Her frequent feeding will settle down and she'll get better at being put down.
juneau · 02/04/2017 18:58
Yes - and get your baby checked for tongue-tie. MW often miss this!
NapQueen · 02/04/2017 18:59
You really dont have to breastfeed if you arent happy. I know its the "ideal" and all, and probably something many women dream of doing, but there is NO shame whatsoever in swapping to formula. It means you can have entire chunks of time when you can sleep and dh can do the feed/have baby sleep on them.
Newborn babies are hard work, the massive dump of hormones is hard work, the anxiety and the sleep deprivation.
It honestly isnt easy and no one would think badly of you for asking for help or support.
Eclecticmama · 02/04/2017 19:00
every thing is amplified ten times worse when you're sleep deprived OP, have you been napping whenever your baby is asleep?
Whatever you plan to do with feeding is totally your choice. I bf and therefore my advice is from my experience, however if you decide to ff that is fine too.
When BFing in the first few weeks the baby is constantly attached suckling (often snoozing at the breast too) and this helps to cause changes in your breasts and establishes a good supply. Therefore set up a nest in the comfiest room of the house with TV, water within reach, snacks (one handed) and magazines or anything else you enjoy (maybe make sure your phone charger is there too) Don't expect to do anything other than feed and snooze and occasionally nip to the loo. Let your partner do house work, cook for you, rock the baby/ wind the baby/ change nappies etc.
You have done something incredible OP, just be kind to yourself. Sleep whenever you are able to. This WILL get better.
I also washed shields with soap and water (get partner to do this as well) and u wouldn't have been to feed without them as i had latch issues. (Was able to ditch them at 7 weeks)
Also agree to speak to hv.
You can do this! And if you do have one or post natal anxiety, there is a lot of help and support out there. X
NapQueen · 02/04/2017 19:00
Oh god yes the Day Three Blues I also got a fresh dump of blues on day 11 too.
KP86 · 02/04/2017 19:03
What you're feeling is normal.
One thing to ease your hard time, you don't need to sterilise the shields. Your breasts/nipples aren't sterile, and so you don't need to do the shields. Washing in hot soapy water is enough. The breastmilk has antibodies which will keep the baby healthy.
If I had £1 for each time I wondered if I'd done the right thing in the first few months I'd be a millionaire. I always warn pregnant women that if they don't regret it at least a few times then are the unusual ones!
Do talk to your HV/midwife/GP if you are still feeling like this in a week or so. The first few days are rough as anything.
vickyors · 02/04/2017 19:05
Day three is the worst. You are doing amazingly just making it through the day. Feeling anxious is quite quite normal. And breastfeeding is very tough. Keep talking; to your wonderful partner, to the HV or midwife. It gets easier. The first 6 weeks are like a fog, then it will get so much better. But just get to the end of the day. And ask people to help. Ask people over, and make them clean. I actually- no joke- told my mates they couldn't come and cuddle the baby unless they made me a meal or cleaned. They LOVED it!
You are amazing. And those feelings of 'shite' what have we done?? We've all been there. I remember looking down at my baby one night (when I loved her so much).. and thinking.. hmm. I'm not sure I knew what I was taking on....!!
Oh, and I B/F my first, and mixed fed my second.. and I loved both. Do feeding your own way. My supply didn't dry up, and I loved mixed feeding for a year. Breast/bottle. Don't beat yourself up.
You made bones! X
TheoriginalLEM · 02/04/2017 19:08
Get thee to the supermarket and buy some formula.
Do not put yourself through this. I was so set on BF and i was either feeding ir expressing. Looking back i think i had lost all sense of reality.
In the end i had to mix feed but i think i should have gone over to bottle when it was such a struggle and it contributed to my PND. I had to be readmitted to hospital and stayed a full week until it established but i can't believe i put myself through that.
Yes breast is without a doubt best but the pressure to do this when it is not manageable is too much.
FraterculaArctica · 02/04/2017 19:10
IMO it's far too early to worry about whether you have PND. Sleep deprivation will be accounting for much of how rubbish you feel. It's normal for your baby to have difficulty settling when you put her down (Google 4th trimester!) and doesn't necessarily relate to whether she is feeding adequately or not. If she won't settle in the cot, can you hand her over to your partner/mum/sister/friend etc. so she can sleep on them and let you sleep properly for a couple of hours?
Agree about getting properly checked for tongue tie. Are you putting Lansinoh on your nipples? When the midwife said your DD had lost weight, what percentage of her birthweight? Generally 10% is the threshold above which they will get concerned.
Don't worry yet about feeling that you made a mistake/want to hand DD back! IME just focus on the practical things at this stage - feeding, sleeping, healing (both of you!)
Congratulations on your DD - fab birthday, my DS has the same birthday! (now 3)
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