Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parents: if you had one day of your pre children life back, how would you spend it? Please keep it lighthearted

226 replies

Grommmm · 27/06/2023 19:05

I love my kids, the baby and the toddler. They are beautiful, funny, joyful and life enhancing. But they are also exhausting and consume all our time, money, worry and attention!! Looking back I can’t believe how much freedom, energy and spare cash (relative) we had before we had kids but also that we didn’t really realise what we had and make the most of it before having them. The pandemic was partly to blame for this, as it shut down a lot of opportunities to do things like travel.

Oh to have one day, or even half a day a month without my kids and the associated worry and tiredness and with some of the energy and free time I used to have back. Would I write a novel, have a day long bath, learn a new instrument, just spend all day reading in a coffee shop???

What would you do?

Caveat - you can’t spent it doing kid-admin or cleaning the house or any sort of catching up - this is a day from your old life when kid-admin didn’t exist and your whole house wasn’t covered in pasta sauce and nappies.

Second caveat - I know having kids is a huge privilege and lots of people would give anything to have them. This discussion isn’t about that, hence using childfree not childless. It’s just a lighthearted chat about how even though kids are wonderful, you still give up a lot when you have them and wouldn’t it be nice to get just a little bit of it back occasionally.

OP posts:
InvincibleInvisibility · 27/06/2023 20:13

I'd just like 24 hours of not worrying about someone / second guessing all my decisions (2 DC with SN. 1 refusing school. Having to make potentially life-changing decisions for both of them in the next few days).

We thoroughly took advantage of our pre-child days. Am enjoying all the stuff I can do with them now they are 9 and 12. But the current dilemmas are draining me.

Blanketenvy · 27/06/2023 20:14

STARCATCHER22 · 27/06/2023 19:36

Then the title of the post should be “to think that childfree life was wasted on me” and not being childfree people into it.

It’s clearly a thread intended for parents to pat themselves on the backs about how busy they are and how frivolous and empty the lives of childfree people are.

Show quote history

Exactly. It's that sense of "ahh they don't know how lucky they are do they..titter.."
Why not just start a thread asking what people would do if they have a spare day.

I appreciate the time I have despite other caring responsibilities, having to manage a really shitty hand health wise which is what stopped me having kids but I'm not funnily enough lounging around drinking cocktails everyday in a spa. Cos you know we also have normal life to be living.

raindrops21 · 27/06/2023 20:16

A day shopping for myself followed by day time cocktails in town after and not worrying about being woken up early the next morning 🙈

swimswimspinspin · 27/06/2023 20:18

Starting to think I've done this childfree life wrong Blush

Bc I'm the only childfree child / grandchild / friend / aunt / sister / colleague / neighbour / human being this side of Norfolk apparently I am eternally expected to pick up the slack for those who can't possibly help bc of their kids. I also used to be the sucker who said yes to everything but after a huge MH breakdown I say no and it's come back to me as "you have no idea how lucky you are to have so much free time you'd think you could be generous with it"

...what free time, Deborah?

Original poster
Grommmm · 27/06/2023 20:18

ATerrorofLeftovers · 27/06/2023 19:59

What a shame the po-faced have sucked the lightness out of the thread. Entirely predictable tho.

OP, I’ll take your question in the spirit in which it was intended.

If I had a free day I would:

Lie in, then have a leisurely shower with scented products.

Go to a nice cafe and eat a late breakfast outside, in peace.

Then I’d waft off to a museum or art gallery to catch an exhibition

Have a nice cafe/restaurant lunch in peace.

Wander by the river or in a nice park. In peace.

Have an acupuncture session.

Wander home and eat a light supper not shopped for and cooked by me, then get into my dressing gown and watch a great film or a couple of episodes of a favourite series. In peace.

The general theme being doing what I want, not catering to others’ demands and being in command of my own brain and not subject to constant chatter. Ie actually having some agency and peace and quiet.

That day sounds delightful, I particularly like the idea of “wafting off to a museum of art gallery” there is definitely a dearth of wafting in my life now.

OP posts:
Corgilicious · 27/06/2023 20:20

This day is a day off, right? Unless you missed out the bit about all childfree people getting an instant 'financial novel writing and flute lesson' support package from the govt?

Really it should be more like, 'I'd have a nice breakfast without having to make anyone's packed lunch, go to work, come home and have a supper of my choice with two glasses of wine, followed by a long bath and an inappropriate box set'.

swimswimspinspin · 27/06/2023 20:20

Although I don't count because I'm CF, (& possibly "a CF")

What I'd give to just have a day of sweet sweet nothing. Sleep & maybe at a stretch some sun on my face Halo

Catchasingmewithspiders · 27/06/2023 20:21

OP: childfree life is wasted on the childfree they dont realise how good it is

Childfree: I mean we've been saying for years thats why we dont want children

OP: Oh not actual childfree people, I didnt mean you

ATerrorofLeftovers · 27/06/2023 20:22

Justhereforaibu1 · 27/06/2023 20:01

Haha you made me laugh. IN PEACE 😂

Show quote history

🤣Can you tell that’s what I never get?! I tear up at the thought it might one day happen. I’m sure I’m not the only one.

swimswimspinspin · 27/06/2023 20:22

@Catchasingmewithspiders oh how I laughed at this

MrsMarzetti · 27/06/2023 20:25

Ice skate, drink beer and watch ice hockey

CrystalCoco · 27/06/2023 20:30

It's definitely not wasted on me, I love every single last minute of it and feel very blessed for the time, energy and freedom I have to spend my days exactly as I choose 😊

MrsMiddleMother · 27/06/2023 20:33

The things that I miss are small like when me and dh would go to a movie at 10pm or decide at 11pm to walk around big tesco. There's been a lot of films out in the cinema we'd love to go see but can't so things like that really

ATerrorofLeftovers · 27/06/2023 20:34

Grommmm · 27/06/2023 20:18

That day sounds delightful, I particularly like the idea of “wafting off to a museum of art gallery” there is definitely a dearth of wafting in my life now.

Show quote history

Likewise! I can’t remember the last time I wafted anywhere. I’m always half-running, trying to cram too much stuff into the day. Wafting sounds v appealing. Oh to have time to waft!

LolaSmiles · 27/06/2023 20:34

I'd take my summer holidays and go interrailing without an itinerary, just see where life take me. In my head I'd also sit with a book outside twee continental cafes and drink coffee.

Original poster
Grommmm · 27/06/2023 20:35

MouseSculptureMadeOfOldHairbrushFluff · 27/06/2023 20:12

(I do feel that threads on MN can be about the most innocuous shizz and will still be overtaken by the professionally fuming. Someone will start a thread saying that they really love toast only to be chastised by someone who accuses the OP of having little regard for coeliacs)

It’s a bit odd isn’t it. Some people do seem to get an almost Poirot-like thrill from telling you that they’ve worked out that your light hearted thread was actually concealing a deeply malicious and personal attack and that they’ve now exposed your two facedness to the world ha ha ha

OP posts:
chezpopbang · 27/06/2023 20:35

STARCATCHER22 · 27/06/2023 19:19

Or maybe we do realise how great being childfree is but don’t get a chance to tell you because you’re too busy telling us how wonderful your children and how you have no time/money/energy 🤷🏻‍♀️

Don't take it so personally she was talking about herself and her own personal feelings towards pre children.

sqirrelfriends · 27/06/2023 20:39

Absolutely OP, I never appreciated being able to go out on a whim or spending entire days lazing about if I fancied it.

Usernamen · 27/06/2023 20:39

These scenarios are for a day off / on holiday, right?

We childfreers still have to work, sadly!

Catchasingmewithspiders · 27/06/2023 20:41

Grommmm · 27/06/2023 20:35

It’s a bit odd isn’t it. Some people do seem to get an almost Poirot-like thrill from telling you that they’ve worked out that your light hearted thread was actually concealing a deeply malicious and personal attack and that they’ve now exposed your two facedness to the world ha ha ha

Show quote history

There is currently a thread ongoing that has called the childfree OP selfish, mysoginistic, shitty and all manner of insults just because she doesn't want to regularly babysit for a friend.

All whilst being told that maybe if she spent time with the baby she would realise how joy free her life is without one

Meanwhile theres another thread ongoing about how childfree people shouldn't be politicians because they are all selfish and self centred.

Maybe today wasnt the day to start another thread about how childfree people just get to do everything for themselves without having to think about anyone else?

user147283178789889886876 · 27/06/2023 20:52

It is interesting to think about. I think as soon as I had DD I panicked about what I had got myself in to and all of the freedoms I had lost. In response, every time I thought I can't do something anymore, I have just done it anyway. And we have actually ended up doing loads more things than we used to.
I get enough child free time in the evenings to do 'something' but I still waste it doing nothing just as I did before!
So essentially if I had a child free day it would probably look much the same as my regular day!

Meowandthen · 27/06/2023 20:55

What a horrible, arrogant and selfish title.
I deeply loathe people who play the martyr as they have children. It is a choice and you aren’t better or hard done by. You have no idea why many people don’t have children and it is, frankly, none of your business either.

LaLaRaRaRaa · 27/06/2023 20:57

What it looks like when people jump on a thread that is not in any way about them, and still find a way to either make it about them or destroy the thread

Parents: if you had one day of your pre children life back, how would you spend it? Please keep it lighthearted
Original poster
Grommmm · 27/06/2023 21:00

Catchasingmewithspiders · 27/06/2023 20:41

There is currently a thread ongoing that has called the childfree OP selfish, mysoginistic, shitty and all manner of insults just because she doesn't want to regularly babysit for a friend.

All whilst being told that maybe if she spent time with the baby she would realise how joy free her life is without one

Meanwhile theres another thread ongoing about how childfree people shouldn't be politicians because they are all selfish and self centred.

Maybe today wasnt the day to start another thread about how childfree people just get to do everything for themselves without having to think about anyone else?

Show quote history

Fair enough. Funnily enough though I didn’t read all the other threads running on mumsnet and read the posts on them that were negative towards people without kids, and then think about how a childfree person might come to my lighthearted thread having already felt attacked by posts (on what sound like much less light hearted threads) and decide that this thread was the straw that broke the camels back.

OP posts:
CattyCone · 27/06/2023 21:00

SisterDonnarix · 27/06/2023 19:12

Because people who are child free have nothing to do except lie in the bath and write novels. Obviously.

😂

According to a family member I'm one of those ghastly childfree people who fritters all their money on holidays and travels.

Am I supposed to be sitting at home being somber and bemoaning my CF status? Nah I'll keep going on holidays thanks.