Note from MNHQ: please note OP's post @ 19.08 on 22 Jan. The OP has admitted this is a reverse but we are leaving this thread up so they continue to receive advice. Inheritance money - AIBU to be p*ssed off?

Did he have no choice?

I don’t want to financially support anyone else’s kids. I don’t want to be financially responsible for a spouse who doesn’t work/works part time. I don’t want to share my assets with anyone.

So I didn’t date men with kids. I won’t be getting married. What I don’t do, is move in with a man with kids, let them call me mum, support the man working part time or not at all marry the man then complain 25 years later that anything accrued in that marriage goes to the man when we divorce. Because that would be shitty.

That's neither here nor there. You're just making a moral judgement. She was awarded the money in the divorce settlement because it was an asset of the marriage. She was then entitled to leave her assets to her children.

It should have gone to towards his own children throughout life or put in funds for them that were untouchable as divorce assets.

He sounds like a good man but it was a one directional relationship with only one person giving and contributing and taking on the responsibility. Traditional gender roles can be very detrimental in older age.

It's files sense of entitlement I find extraordinary.

Op is he a nice man?

He's coming across rather miserly and with a huge sense of entitlement

If he had a problem with the arrangement and taking on the role of father, he should have addressed it then. He doesn't get to decide he should have made different choices later. He can go the legal route to get support for raising these children, if that is what he chooses to do. Again, this is a choice he is making. He seems to think that he needs to be compensated for his choices.

For FIL's own protection, he needs to start accessing support through proper channels, like getting a trust going and claiming allowed expenses through there.

That’s never how it works when the step-parent is a male.

men who move in with a RP are always expected to step up financially.

Generally (though I don’t go on their often after being told to mind my own business when posting about my son (technically step son) who was in my sole care and who I’ve had PR for since he was 5) it’s women who marry NRP’s who are told to do nothing and contribute nothing.

Men who live with RP’s have a very different stall.

But why should she? If you can’t give a reason that she should, why would you expect it.

The fil now has the same amount to raise them on as she has. And given she is terminally ill, it can be argued she needs her half.

the other 50% rightfully belongs to its current owner. as she has no children she will presumably leave it all to her deceased sibling's children in her own will so that's fine.

we have no idea she will do that though.

Nope, not the OP. I've never been married and my parents are long ago dead.

But as a lifelong earner, I sympathize with all this FIL has done for this family and why he'd be frustrated. Personally i would never mingle finances and this is why.

Times have changed. There was an expectation back in FILs day when traditional gender roles were strong that men would take care of women and children and provide for them. That is why it was acceptable that she not even contribute to the financial responsiblity of raising her own children but that an unrelated man should take that on. Women weren't really seen as being able to care for themselves. Some people still have that attitude and think men should pay but it has changed for the most part

The ill aunt is the closest blood relative the kids have (apparently.) of course she should financially contribute to their upbringing. More so than the FIL and the taxpayers.

@Bellalalala well I think it depends on her own finances but I would certainly contribute to my nieces & nephews upbringing if they were orphaned as they are my family. Why wouldn't I?

That money is morally the kids money. I can see why it should be used for the upbringing of those children, but fil is definitely not entitled to the daughters share, morally or legally.

Thats an interesting stance where there is zero information about the Aunt’s situation - no mention if she has family or the likes.

just an assumption.

@musingsinmidlife .

Perhaps people with young DC should never get married again and no one should marry them.

I would never move in with a man who felt like this about my DC.

I would only marry people who would do anything for me including love and respect ny DC and understand if they marrying me we are. Family and all that takes.

Pre nups for second marriage I totally understand and rings fencing assests for 1st children,blood children fine.

But I wouldn't bother if People are so cut throat like this

I agree to a point.

But often the men, are quite happy to move in and take that responsibility and enjoy the perks of having their wives stay at home.

and many of the women on the step parent board are not acting as a parent. They are not ‘mum’, they clearly have a different role and not acting as a full time parent.

Divorce is too late to decide you didn’t like the life you built together so believe all the money is yours.

Your FIL’s attitude to the daughter is awful, texting her reasons why her mother who has died shouldn’t have been worthy of the money from a divorce settlement to try and persuade her to give it to him to raise the kids with, while she is also dying? You are supporting this behaviour? I hope none of this is real. I feel really sorry for those children.

She has done the right thing giving him the 50%, which should have been shared between the kids anyway, but no more is owed. She could help him out financially if she wanted to but she’s under no obligation and I would assume fil’s behaviour will certainly put her off doing so now.

Really? He took on the raising and financial rsponsiblity for two children who weren't his and now he is taking on the raising of non biological grandchildren. Rather than his savings and assets going to his own children they have gone to his step children. He sounds pretty generous and caring.

Back in the FIL's "day"?? He could be 50 for all we know.

I think your fil is being very unreasonable- if I was the daughter I would split the inheritance with the children of her brother.

How do you know this? I don't see where the OP said the children don't have grandparents or aunts/uncles on their mother's side.

Musing we have no idea how much 2nd wife brought to the marriage nor how much her dx got from their real dad.

We don't know anything about him except what op has said. He doesn't sound very happy about it to me.

Zelda

Siblings often grow up to loathe each other.
They are not responsible for each others dc

Ther often aren't that many perks to a wife staying at home. The days of the women keeping up her end of the traditional gender role and the man coming home to no domestic tasks is pretty much done. I am sure there are still a few where the house is always clean, laundry is fresh and starched, home cooked meals but often men with wives at home are still expected to help out with domestic work and household needs.

How do you know this? I don't see where the OP said the children don't have grandparents or aunts/uncles on their mother's side.

But why wouldn't they be raising the gc then? Or why didn't the stepson move in with one of them?