How deprived do you have to be to move in a man into your home a day of ‘knowing’ him on Facebook? *[Content warning: concerns child abuse]

There is a need for a real discussion on this terrible dilemma.

Does the State have to intervene to stop child abuse in these situations ?

If so - How and When?

I could say "take the children away from the Mother" - but at what trigger?

Someone above mentioned sterilisation- really? Go full Nazi? I have sympathy with the save the child idea, but enforcement of sterilisation is a step too far for me.

I am knocking 65. Sad to say this case is not unknown in past times, just more readily reported in today's media. Children used to be taken into care more often back in my youth, then various outcries against it put paid to it.

I personally feel we've gone from one extreme to another. Children SHOULD be removed from unfit parent(s).

A lot of thought is needed, but whatever system is brought about we have to know that sometimes it will go horribly wrong.

Personally I think she got off too lightly! Imagine standing by and watching someone hurt the one person you should love above all others? She's more sick than he is

Christ @CarrieMoonbeams , I am so sorry this happened to you. I hear this about a lot of women - female animals often sacrifice their offspring when under threat, but as humans we should expect more. I remember my grandmother having at go at my mother (although not as bad circumstances). Made no difference at all.

That’s a really interesting observation. It’s just so hard for me to get my head around the fact that every mum wouldn’t fight with every fibre of her being to protect her child, I’d fight to the death for mine and you’re right, that’s not the case for some mothers, it’s so, so hard for me to try and grasp this that I wasn’t even able to consider it until you said it.

Bloody hell. A catalogue of disasters and poor decisions.

Bevan and James seem to have no empathy, no compassion, no brains and no decency. Their behaviour just beggars belief. Why did James go back to bed??

Wtf was Bevan doing ringing his mum for advice? His mum? And taking photos of Lola??

Horrific. Both should be in prison and neither should ever have any more dc - or access to dc.

I think you need to make your own thread. This thread is about a murdered child.

This!
Havjng a child is a privilege not a right and if you will willingly get pregnant to any old Joe, then that demonstrates that you shouldn't have a child!

Abuse begets abuse, some are able to break the cycle but for the vast majority the trauma is too ingrained.

@Cirque1 I’ve reported it, can you please report it too. I posted in here by mistake 😳

Sorry for any inconvenience caused.

I’m a mother of adult children in their twenties. I was left by their father when I was pregnant with the youngest. I was very young when I had them (20 with the youngest) When I was a young mum I also used to be one of these mums that was quick to move in with a new partner. I wouldn’t say I was prioritising my genitals or worshipping men particularly I just honestly felt I couldn’t cope alone as a single parent (I had no family support at all as I was also born to a young single mother who had issues) she was only 39 when I made her a grandmother. Anyway as the kids got older I stopped the behaviour. I’ve been happily single for years now, I’m really not even genuinely interested in dating men per se (and probably never was) I was just desperate and vulnerable and couldn’t see any other way of creating additional adult support into my situation. I felt the only option was to try and engineer a nuclear family. Needless to say because of my desperation and hidden motives and because the men involved had their own interests at heart that weren’t aligned with mine, these partnerships would fall flat. I did try groups and socialising but the friends I made tended to be other working class young mums who although sympathetic and friendly weren’t able to provide any practical support as they had enough on their own plates. I realise this was all terrible judgement on my part. I look back and shudder. My kids remember this, they do judge for me it and rightly so. I wouldn’t make these choices with the maturity and wisdom I have now I would exhaust every other possible avenue. Actually with the maturity I have now I wouldn’t think becoming a young mum with no life skills or experience or anything to offer children was a particularly good idea but hindsight is 20 20 :( I was muddling through with my mistakes. In my mid twenties I had absolute clarity that I had become a parent prematurely and had been Ill equip for the role, I went on long term contraception and never had any more children. I had my iud removed in the last few years because I wasn’t sexually active anyway and it was causing issues. I’m peri menopausal now. I feel sad and guilty about my past but I also realise I would do better if I knew better. My mum also followed a similar relationship pattern when I was young, she married my “step father” when I was 3 months old. Nobody called me out at the time either. I’m not justifying any of this rather offering an alternative viewpoint of why some vulnerable single mothers cling to men and move them in quickly apart from the obvious purely selfish reasons. I also don’t know how unusual my younger self (as in the admittedly shockingly misguided reasons for wanting to move a partner in) was/is today

Same. My little girl is sleeping next to me and the link made me cry. I just can't comprehend it

I hope to fuck she is tortured daily in prison. Him too, goes without saying. I can't actually read about the case though.
I wish with all my heart that enforced sterilisation was a thing.

This is awful I believe that woman was on drugs and not in her right mind. That poor baby, she lay unconscious for 5 days before she died. She must have screamed and cried and the mother did nothing.

A friend's husband is a neurosurgeon. Depressingly, his job regularly involves patching together children who've been at the wrong end of their 'stepfathers'.

Why do we keep these scumbags alive?

Hopefully the same fait awaits in prison.

Yes, also in the past the ideal of the nuclear family/that "kids need a father" if anything led to women being more likely to move a new man into their/their child's lives quickly. And cases where this was encouraged by social services/people around them. Of course, in an ideal world I do think its better for a child to be raised by 2 capable parents who care for them and care for each other. But that isn't always how life works out and wasn't in the past either (or mother and baby homes wouldn't have been a thing for starters).

Eek, that should read fate

Agree its all to do with shagging around today.

Bet the other kids she had, were by different men too.
We may think that not sleeping together until.you were married is old fashioned etc but perhaps they got it right then.

You built something up, you got to know each other, you set up home. You decided to have a child.
Its swung too much the other way like a disease spreading through society.

Sex first, think later.

That's an extreme example, but on any given day, right here on Mumsnet, you can find an absolute shitshow of abysmal choices in relationship, conception, and parenting. We need to licence for parenthood.

Anyone can have sex.
Not everyone wants to be a mum or can parent properly.

Why aren't they scared of that does anyone know?
Aren't they scared of being hated and singled out in prison. I would be. They must know they will go to.prison

I'll get flamed for this but it's true. These cases are the tip of the iceberg. There is a whole underclass of people live in this kind of physical and moral squalor. The vast majority will have been badly parented themselves, seen domestic violence, poverty, workless family, will be poorly educated and have probably had children very young as a single parent with little or no family support or fathered children at a very you g age and have nothing to do with them. Drugs/alcohol, violence are often part of their lives, as is living on benefits. Social services may well know of them because of other agency concerns. They put their child at risk often one way or another. Unless the child dies, we know nothing about them but there are thousands of them.
Most teachers know of children who grow up in these houses and go on to repeat these behaviours.

MeinKraft I get it. Sorry you had to go through that.
My dh my dds father died when she was 3 years old. I’ve never been out with anyone since. Im still single 18 years on. Despite my dh being an absolute diamond of a Man i would never trust another man to bring up my beautiful dd.
rightly or wrongly I made the decision to bring her up alone.
Did I deprive her of the experience of having a male role model? Maybe. I often wonder if I should have had another partner but I made the decision at the time and it has been really hard at times being a single mother. Yet dd is 21 now and we have made it through on our own.
I think some women just panic, make themselves vulnerable and let just any man into their life. That man then turns out to be a murderous abusive monster and the woman is too afraid and weak to protect her child. I was determined that was never going to happen to my precious dd.

I don't think they think it through or have normal inhibitions, especially where drugs are involved. They are more like dangerous dogs on the attack.