How deprived do you have to be to move in a man into your home a day of ‘knowing’ him on Facebook? *[Content warning: concerns child abuse]

Was Lolas father actually involved with his own child?

*They don't

I agree with you @Nepmarthiturn . Who wouldn't? But given the calls on the public purse/taxpayer to do more and better, and that the taxpayer is already struggling to pay the all the tax and their utilities and food costs for their own households, where does the money come from? I know the easy answer is, tax the rich people more, but the reality is that the rich people can move to sunnier climates with advantageous tax rules, and in real life, the UK needs to keep them here paying tax and moaning about the weather.

Someone I knew adopted 2 children some years ago now and gave them a better and stable life.
The children were taken into care due to abuse by mothers boyfriends, neglect etc. They were out roaming around on their own too. Locked in cupboards etc.

I believe their mother had been in care also.

Why do the people who are least able to keep having children, keep having them?

All the staff at the nursery knew. The family were as far as I recall involved with SS. My placement was only 6months and they were there the full time. It was so very sad. The older brother touched his younger brother in the presence of staff, not childlike curiosity if that makes sense and used very sexualised vocabulary. There was a wee girl at that placement too that if she heard any emergency vehicles sirens blaring she hid under the table shaking and crying saying "they're going to take my dad away again," she was three. It was truly awful.

Nope. Government wastes immense amounts of tax on utter nonsense. Tens and hundreds of billions. It needs to direct it better at things that matter. Like this: safeguarding children properly. Supporting disabled people properly to a decent standard of living. Funding state education properly.

Which bits of government spending would you axe? I agree education, and FE, need more money but what would you trim to fund your preferences? Pensions? Health? I could axe HS2? but that would be trivial in the big picture. The reality is that health, education and pensions are the big three money sponges and we are currently in the midst of the perfect storm. We have more old people than ever, and because they/we are old and there are lots of us, we are costing billions in pensions and health. It would be easy for you to shred the defense budget, but that's 400,00 jobs gone too.

Again this is another consequence of what happens when the most feckless and irresponsible degenerates in society are encouraged and rewarded to have kids by the not fit for purpose benefits system.

Glad it wasn't me who wrote that down @Yants.

Nope. Government wastes immense amounts of tax on utter nonsense. Tens and hundreds of billions. It needs to direct it better at things that matter. Like this: safeguarding children properly. Supporting disabled people properly to a decent standard of living. Funding state education properly.

I agree with you about funding state education properly. But the rest of it is down to the parents, who should have their children's best interests at heart, and do their own safeguarding for their own children. And regulate their activities, make sure they attend school, pay attention in class and all the normal guff, and support teacher/school discipline.

Of course they should. But there will always be people like this who have children but are incapable of being parents so those children need to be removed and cared for by the state, not left with their so-called parents who neglect them or move unrelated adults into their homes and put them at risk of abuse or even death.

And of course, parents can't require children to pay attention to teachers. Daft thing to post!

Brave!!

I don't have the answer, sadly, and I am not sure there is one @Nepmarthiturn

All the staff at the nursery knew. The family were as far as I recall involved with SS. My placement was only 6months and they were there the full time. It was so very sad. The older brother touched his younger brother in the presence of staff, not childlike curiosity if that makes sense and used very sexualised vocabulary. There was a wee girl at that placement too that if she heard any emergency vehicles sirens blaring she hid under the table shaking and crying saying "they're going to take my dad away again," she was three. It was truly awful.

That is horrific. And six months, and still SS had not removed them? This is the problem. It took this monster who killed Lola 4 months to do that from meeting the mother. So many traumatised children, even the "lucky" ones who survive.

Why do the people who are least able to keep having children, keep having them?

Combination of factors,
Dreams of keeping this one if they keep getting removed.
Drug / alcohol abuse forgetting contraception.
And I'll get hung up for this, benefit money.

Re-adoption, too old at 4, was a Banardos slogan a few years ago, it might still be but very few children are adopted beyond the age of 4.
Adopters generally want small children who haven't been impacted too much by their background.

Not all adoptions go smoothly even when children have been with the family a long time. Teen years can still bring many issues and problems to the surface.

I know a foster placement that ended "no contact" badly after 13 years.

Keeping this on little Lola and siblings, their mum was receiving various bits of help but nobody in authority knew she'd moved a partner in.

If she'd been in a supported unit they'd have been blind not to notice.

I don’t entirely know what the answer is but I do know that the current situation isn’t it.

The whole system needs a massive overhaul and a complete reset but the danger then is that even more children fall through the cracks while this happens.

One inescapable fact though is that in a civilised country, children should not be living and dying in the conditions that so many are. Every single time something like this happens, multi-agency serious case reviews state pointlessly “lessons will be learned” yet they never fucking are. Right back to Jasmine Beckford in 1984 (the first case like this I can actually remember) the same platitudes have been trotted out, yet almost 40 years later has anything actually changed?

A lot of drug taking going on by the look of the photos.

There are 4 current threads in Relationships at the moment that I clicked on at random - the titles aren’t especially inflammatory.

One is a woman listing a series of utterly hideous traits but is unsure if she should see them as a red flag.

One is a woman who has a partner of three years living with her and her children and he’s running up debts behind her back.

One is describing a highly abusive marriage of 10 years to a man who has ‘always had anger issues’ yet she stayed married, had kids and now he’s physically assaulted his 5yo daughter.

One is a woman who is being abused by her vile husband and subjecting her children to him for 15 years but ‘doesn’t know how to be alone’

It is everywhere. Poor decision making, no accountability, no ownership.

I’m fucking sick and tired of it.

It's very sad that it happens again and again. The system doesn't work and there aren't enough social workers to make it work. I'm sure I read a SW on here say they used to have a maximum of 12 children or families. Now it's 30.

The best suggestion I can come up with is supported / supervised accommodation. So that there is a middle ground between kids staying with mum and being removed into care causing more trauma to the kids

Keeping this on little Lola and siblings, their mum was receiving various bits of help but nobody in authority knew she'd moved a partner in.

If she'd been in a supported unit they'd have been blind not to notice.

But why should she and her siblings have been subjected to that experiment of whether there was a minuscule chance their mother could change and suddenly, magically become a completely different person? And keep this up after eventually leaving this "supported unit", when the children would be at her mercy again?

She was 30 years old, not a naive teen. She had already subjected these children to a random violent man, had SS involvement and support, then moved in another one. Their home was a hell hole, she clearly did not look after them. The child was walking around with black eyes and bruises all over her. Why were SS "not aware". Why were they not monitoring her given what she'd done before? Why were the children even there anymore after the first time, even before this latest man moved in?

These people are beyond help. The children need to be removed far, far earlier at the very first signs of neglect/ unrelated adults being moved into their home etc.

The SW didn't know he'd moved in.

How depressing.

Just utterly hopeless.

I will never understand people.

Why not?!? She had a history of moving violent men into the home! Why were they not monitoring her?

And as I said the children should have been removed permanently the first time she did that.

There will always be scumbags like this.

The law needs changing and authorities funding to remove the children, straight away. And give them a decent life in well-funded care homes, therapy, consistent carers, good educational opportunities, etc.

People always says they are so sad when these cases are publicised but there are literally tens of thousands of children right now living in situations like this, who could become the next child murder victim at any moment, and nobody pressures politicians to enact the changes needed to remove them and provide the funding for it. It will keep happening over and over and over again until they do.

Stop paying rent and benefits for these scumbags who treat their children as a cash machine and spend it on decent care homes for the children instead.

Whilst I agree that many women absolutely fail to safeguard their children and to me it’s abhorrent.
We are once again discussing the fault of women in the role of protecting children.

the real conversion should be ‘what is society and men in particular going to do to stop these evil men’ . And why does society keep producing them. That it the core of the issue. Male violence and why it occurs. If we put our attentions into addressing this issue nearly all the problems in the world would be solved.