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Original poster

Children playing in the garden

241 replies

Boytwinmum · 28/05/2023 16:34

Hi everyone.
My children, who are young teenagers, love being outside. I encourage it to avoid them being on screens too much.

We've lived in our current house for almost 3 years - this is our third summer here. Recently, my neighbours (I only have neighbours on one side) have taken a huge disliking to them playing in the garden. I spoke to the gentleman and we agreed a mutually acceptable time for them to stop playing was 10pm. I enforce this if they forget, but they are very conscious of the time limit.

Last night (Saturday) they went over by 2 minutes, so got really told off by the neighbour. I could hear the lady screaming at them that they are disrespectful and should be in bed by 10pm. My younger one was mortified and couldn't apologise enough, but she was livid. The screaming attracted my attention to the time, so I also apologised, but she said she was calling the police as we were disturbing their peace. Her and her husband then spent the next 20 minutes shouting at each other.

Well the police turned up today to speak to me, unfortunately we were out, but I saw them on my cameras.

What do I do? I really do dislike falling out with anybody. I understand that we all have different tolerance limits. I want to address it with them, but without making it worse or getting into a neighbour feud. I'm almost tempted to say that when they let their dog out to bark from 6am onwards, or do their glass recycling before 8am at a weekend is outside of my tolerance limits, but I say nothing to keep the peace - but if I say that does it look like tit for tat?

Any advice welcome please.

OP posts:
Pluvia · 28/05/2023 18:11

My neighbours bought their son a drum set too. He was supposed to play it with pads and headphones but he'd come home from school at 3.30pm every day and play them without pads until his parents came home at 5pm. When they went away for the weekend he'd have the whole band there practising at full volume for hours.

They were the same neighbours who, when I got a short-term contract abroad and arranged for a friend to move in for six months, came round and asked me to ensure that she was quiet and didn't cause them any nuisance.

OperationUnicorn · 28/05/2023 18:15

Beachhutnut · 28/05/2023 17:47

Obviously they shouldn't be playing ball games anywhere near that late. To be respectful I would stop anything that makes noise around younger kids bedtimes ( say 6pm) in case there are any nearby. Talking fine, they can't police that. Your teens are entitled to be in their own garden talking at normal levels until whenever you think is ok.

What younger kids go to bed at 6pm?!!! Mine never did even as toddlers.
OP you're getting some very strange responses on here. There is nothing wrong with a couple of teenagers kicking a ball in their own garden past 6pm. All the older brothers of my son's friends still 'play' outside.
I'm in Scotland and it's light until nearly 11 in the summer. My 11 year old often plays sport outside well past 9pm.
Most of my neighbours are on the older side but they all have grandkids so they take a tolerant view.

excelledyourself · 28/05/2023 18:16

Viviennemary · 28/05/2023 17:45

Teenagers are far too old to be 'playing' in the garden. Especially at 10 pm. No wonder your neighbour isnt happy.

"Far too old"??

What's the cut off then?

Is it preferable to you that they be stuck indoors, glued to screens? Maybe even just shut in a cupboard? Or out wandering the streets maybe?

How bloody miserable.

lovemycottage · 28/05/2023 18:18

Soapyspuds · 28/05/2023 17:14

Having seen your message about Basketball I have to comment again. Can you not realise how fucking annoying repeated ball bouncing on a hard surface must be? But to let this carry on until 10pm is REALLY antisocial.

I must agree with this.

Fourmagpies · 28/05/2023 18:19

I think it's lovely they still want to play ball in the garden. I wish my teens would. I don't think playing until 9 and then talking until 10pm is unreasonable. I go to bed at 10 so do hate noise after then but understand that I need to tolerate it sometimes as others do have more of a life than me! And in the past, I've probably been one of those in the garden late making a noise. I'm very surprised the police have come out for that but it would depend on what your neighbours said.
I understand the not wanting to upset your neighbours but I do think you need to tell them they're being unreasonable and maybe agree a compromise if it'll help. It's awful that your teens are so upset about it, kids should be outside.

Frabbits · 28/05/2023 18:19

If you buy a house next to another house then a bit of noise comes with the territory.

Op's kids get to play outside in their gardens as much as the neighbour gets to do their recycling at 8am. Fuck em if they want to complain.

Original poster
Boytwinmum · 28/05/2023 18:19

RuthW · 28/05/2023 18:09

10pm is far too late if it's every night. The ball bouncing would drive me mad. 8pm is late enough. Why can't they go to the park?

I wish they could. I wish there was a local park. I wish even more that there was more provision for this awkward age of child where they are too old for much and too young for the rest. I can drive them to the "local" park 2 miles away, but it has a children's playground so where would they play ball? I bought a house with a big garden so they could do something other than be on their screens. They do after school activities that mean they are home too late to want to play 3 nights of the week, are banned from Sunday evening, that leaves 3. They spend around 50% of their time at dad's, so it's 3 nights out of 14 (granted more in the hols). When they aren't here, I'm not, so I think the neighbiurs got used to absolute silence and now it's summer again the noise is bothering them. I am going to sort it. But yes, we need more parks that aren't just for the younger age group!

OP posts:
toomuchlaundry · 28/05/2023 18:24

If you have a big garden, can they move further away from the neighbours?

girlfriend44 · 28/05/2023 18:25

They are moaners ignore them. They were kids once.

Do police really come out because children are playing in their own garden?
Hmm.

kitsuneghost · 28/05/2023 18:27

Boytwinmum · 28/05/2023 18:19

I wish they could. I wish there was a local park. I wish even more that there was more provision for this awkward age of child where they are too old for much and too young for the rest. I can drive them to the "local" park 2 miles away, but it has a children's playground so where would they play ball? I bought a house with a big garden so they could do something other than be on their screens. They do after school activities that mean they are home too late to want to play 3 nights of the week, are banned from Sunday evening, that leaves 3. They spend around 50% of their time at dad's, so it's 3 nights out of 14 (granted more in the hols). When they aren't here, I'm not, so I think the neighbiurs got used to absolute silence and now it's summer again the noise is bothering them. I am going to sort it. But yes, we need more parks that aren't just for the younger age group!

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Why is the local in quotation marks. 2 miles isn't very far. Would take less than 10min on a bike for a teenager

OperationUnicorn · 28/05/2023 18:29

girlfriend44 · 28/05/2023 18:25

They are moaners ignore them. They were kids once.

Do police really come out because children are playing in their own garden?
Hmm.

During Covid, we had our neighbours at the end of our garden come round and ask/tell us to stop DS playing football in case a ball hit their 'art studio' aka greenhouse. No ball had ever gone in their garden; not once. Obviously we told them that wasn't going to happen.
The rest of our neighbours don't care.

FrangipaniBlue · 28/05/2023 18:29

I'd be telling my neighbours that for every minute before 8am their dogs bark or that they empty their recycling my teens would be out in the garden for the same number of minutes past 10pm.

I'd probably say it with a breezy "give and take ey?"

(I'd also say no to ball games after 9pm but that would be for my own sanity not the neighbours!)

Americano75 · 28/05/2023 18:31

Did you get the neighbour screaming at them on camera?

adularia · 28/05/2023 18:31

Iwasafool · 28/05/2023 17:37

I think basket ball is worse than football, my GS will bounce a football when he's bored and that is a bit like basket ball, it is the bang it sort of goes through you, it is more than just noise.

I'd honestly prefer to hear them out there with music going than playing basket ball.

Show quote history

I agree that basketball is worse. Our neighbours’ kids play both and the sound of basketball is far worse. I don’t mind it, but that’s because they only play during the day/ early evening - I would not be impressed if they played it after 9pm!

brunettemic · 28/05/2023 18:32

Honestly, tell your neighbours where to go. It’s your garden, nothing is being done that’s over the top. Your kids are making the most of your garden and good for them. If they were sitting with big speakers outside or something that’s different but IMO they’re doing nothing wrong. You’ll never win with neighbours like that, if your kids start staying in more they’ll probably tell you kids spend too much time on screens and should be outside more.

MayThe4th · 28/05/2023 18:33

Your neighbours must be very fed up to have called the police. rubbish. There are some real arseholes out there, and someone who comes out two minutes after it’s been agreed the kids would go inside and spends twenty minutes screaming and ranting and frothing clearly isn’t a nice or reasonable person.

There are some miserable fuckers on this thread.

OP clearly you need to get the kids to go inside and spend the evening on tiktok and snapchat instead. Playing outside is clearly bad for them. ;)

Alternatively tell your fuckwhit neighbours to get lost.

The neighbours will absolutely have lied to the police. There’s no way the police have come out because the kids were playing out two minutes after their curfew.

I8toys · 28/05/2023 18:33

I didn't realise there was an age limit to playing in your own garden. Mumsnet is batshit crazy sometimes.

Original poster
Boytwinmum · 28/05/2023 18:34

Americano75 · 28/05/2023 18:31

Did you get the neighbour screaming at them on camera?

Yep.back garden and front garden. He raised his fists at them and said they were f*cking annoying and he'd knock it out of them. I don't disagree they can be really annoying, but it's my place to deal with that, not his.

OP posts:
newtowelsplease · 28/05/2023 18:35

I promise I'm not a bad neighbour! I take in all their parcels and mow their lawn.i rebuilt my wall when they hit it with the car and said nothing, I don't complain about their noise

Knock this all on the head OP. Your neighbours clearly think they are entitled to silence. They're not.

FrangipaniBlue · 28/05/2023 18:36

They don't want me to host their birthday bbq tomorrow as they don't want to be out there.

Which shows that clearly are quite considerate natured in a way of it has affected them like this.

But no way would I allow a neighbour to make my teen DS feel like this.

ocs30 · 28/05/2023 18:37

excelledyourself · 28/05/2023 18:16

"Far too old"??

What's the cut off then?

Is it preferable to you that they be stuck indoors, glued to screens? Maybe even just shut in a cupboard? Or out wandering the streets maybe?

How bloody miserable.

Show quote history

The thing is, at 13 they're probably too big to be sent to sweep the chimneys 😂

thespy · 28/05/2023 18:40

Hmmm, now they are too scared to go out so basically the neighbour has bullied them into being afraid to use their own garden? Neighbour's sound like total bastards. No ball games after 9pm is a reasonable adjustment, and maybe limit the basketball. But I wouldn't actually tell the neighbours - they sound awful. It's not awful to be pissed off and ask politely for the kids to stop making a noise after 10pm but screaming at them, threatening them and having a Barney for another 20 minutes over it? Unreasonable and unnecessary since you sound like a generally very respectful neighbour. No more parcels either. Do not let them bully you.

Americano75 · 28/05/2023 18:40

Boytwinmum · 28/05/2023 18:34

Yep.back garden and front garden. He raised his fists at them and said they were f*cking annoying and he'd knock it out of them. I don't disagree they can be really annoying, but it's my place to deal with that, not his.

Show quote history

Holy shit, I'd be calling the police myself! In fact, is there any chance another neighbour heard him and called the police?

thespy · 28/05/2023 18:40

*Neighbours

ApolloandDaphne · 28/05/2023 18:41

Even though I quite like to go to bed early there is no way I would stop my neighbours enjoying their garden or ask their children to stop playing at that time. Up to 10pm is perfectly reasonable for teens to be out enjoying their garden.

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