Children playing in the garden

She mows their lawn, didn’t say a word or ask for money when they drove into and smashed her wall, and happily compromised a curfew with them which they agreed to. They were then abusive. Yet she’s a bad neighbour because her kids are bouncing a ball? Strange conclusion.

I think 10pm is a reasonable cut off but it's ridiculous to get upset if they're 2 minutes over.

Unless your children are playing music on their phones, in which case any reaction up to and including disembowelment (possibly of the phone) is fair enough IMO.

They also play the guitar and piano. It's a very musical family. They do amdram. It could be worse. They don't do drugs or kick off. I get irritated when they start at 10pm and wake my 3 & 4 year old up. The drums vibrate the house. I don't mind the piano as much. Although they have been know to go on until the early hours.

Your neighbours sound like the type who would complain regardless of what you were doing. I wouldn't entertain their nonsense at all. It's so lovely at the moment that my three stayed up late and outside until about 9.40 and my youngest is only 4. We brought out crisps and treats and myself and DH had a bottle of wine. I'm sure there was noise (but I absolutely did tell them to lower voices etc) but give it a fortnight and it could be lashing down here so we will enjoy it while we can.

@Boytwinmum I would stick to 10pm for ball games as far as the neighbours are concerned. I would tell your kids 9pm from ball games and 10 for chatting. You don't want to be a doormat sometimes when you give an inch people take a mile.

People party , play football (till v late) drink , argue, hot tubs going , blast their music dogs barking constantly , motorbikes whizzing around all the time where I live ( north east )

OP don’t make too many unreasonable concessions. Stick to the agreed ball curfew but get your boys to cease a good 15 minutes earlier.
Dont rush to find them a park because I’d worry about bullying etc from older youths in a public area without adult supervision.
It is not right that your DC should be worried about using their own garden and do not permit the neighbours to harass them. They can come talk to you if they have a problem but basically they don’t have a leg to stand on.
BTW keep that video in case it may be needed at a later date.

How old are your neighbours? Id be concerned re woman crying/screaming early hours. Do you think DV might be an issue?

i think no ball games past 9pm, then quiet chatting is ok

Some people should go and live on an island by themselves.

I think I’d just be glad my kids were playing in the garden and not roaming the streets ! You sound very respectful op, if it’s only an hour on a fine evening and even then only 50% of the week I really wouldn’t give way on this. It doesn’t sound like it’s every night. They really could have worst problems with neighbours than this……dogs barking at 6 am is ten times worst.

I would say 9pm for ball games but they can stay out and chat (no shouting ) until 10pm. We had noisy neighbours when my kids were little and it drove me mad, they disturbed so many bed times!

i think people sometimes zone out to their own children’s noise and fail to appreciate how annoying it is to others. If we’d disturbed the neighbours when I was a child we would have been told off and made to apologise. This sense of responsibility and consideration for others seems to have disappeared nowadays.

If they're out there until ten o clock every night kicking balls around or talking loudly (and let's face it teenage boys do not know how to modify their voices) then I can understand your neighbours' frustration. It's just too late. Tell your sons to come indoors and stop annoying other people.

11pm is the cut off for noise. They can call the police but nothing will happen. Tell them to screw off or you’ll report them for harassment

I would :
Ball curfew of 9pm
Inside 9:30,

But I wouldn't share this with the neighbour. I actually think they're becoming controlling.

Speak to the neighbours but don't over do it.
'Hi N, I've reminded the boys about their agreed curfews and expect them to stick to them. However if there's a problem in future I expect you to come to me directly. If you threaten my boys again, I will call the police immediately. We are entitled to enjoy our garden and have been good neighbours (parcels etc) and don't want this to tarnish our relationship'

If they were arguing for 20min+ and its not the first time and others saw or heard the man threatening your teens there's a possibility that the Police have been called about a domestic and were trying to get information. This might not be a complaint against you. I'd carry on though I would install a camera to capture future interactions and only talk with them under some sort of recording device.

I find my adult neighbour's band practice far more annoying and antisocial than the noise of children playing.

10pm, day in, day out would piss me off.

But I’m peri 😂I’d get ya back. Legal but a bit ‘shameless family” isn’t it!

It isn’t day in, day out, It’s a few times every fortnight.

How on earth is kids playing ball sports in their garden weird? My fella has some sort of sport equipment attached to him almost constantly

Those things are utterly irrelevant. They don’t stop or alleviate the noise disturbance her children are causing.

Believe it or not, you can be a decent person and still fall into the category of bad neighbour simply because you lack the self awareness of how your actions impact others.

I would be doing fuck all for idiots who scream at my kids! You sound totally reasonable and a good neighbour, ignore them and do what you like from now on!

Please tell me where I said that he was being reasonable. I will wait.

Two things can be true at one time. This isn’t an either or situation. It can be true that 10PM is too late for ball games and also true that the neighbours were abusive assholes who handled the matter wrong.

just because the neighbours were wrong in how they broached the issue- and they absolutely were and I was clear in my post that they were- doesn’t stop the fact that OPs children may be causing a noise disturbance.

Also agreements can change. They originally agreed 10PM but maybe after enduring it for a while they have realised that it is too much. They should have gone over and discussed this with OP and not done what they did. But all the same sometimes arrangements made can work out to be unsuitable and they don’t have to be set in stone.

what do you think happens pre-10PM? The noises of the ball are just that less annoying than they are post-10PM. No. They were annoyed before that but waited until they felt they could say something as the agreement was 10PM.

Again their handling of the situation was all wrong. Completely. But that doesn’t minimise OPs responsibility to try be a less noise intrusive neighbour.

I'd tell them I'd talk to my children about the noise as soon as they stop letting their dogs out to bark at 6am everyday 🤷‍♀️

This is really mean. So teenagers can't have fun playing basketball/tennis/any other game? Games that adults still play?

I suppose we should all just let our kids play on ipads and screens all day, to avoid them being considered 'weird'?

No one is ever too old to play.

Oh, and 10pm is NOT too late. Cut off is 11pm. If it were adults having a quiet few drinks I'm sure you'd have no issue.
Gone are the days where children should be seen and not heard.