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Original poster

Children playing in the garden

241 replies

Boytwinmum · 28/05/2023 16:34

Hi everyone.
My children, who are young teenagers, love being outside. I encourage it to avoid them being on screens too much.

We've lived in our current house for almost 3 years - this is our third summer here. Recently, my neighbours (I only have neighbours on one side) have taken a huge disliking to them playing in the garden. I spoke to the gentleman and we agreed a mutually acceptable time for them to stop playing was 10pm. I enforce this if they forget, but they are very conscious of the time limit.

Last night (Saturday) they went over by 2 minutes, so got really told off by the neighbour. I could hear the lady screaming at them that they are disrespectful and should be in bed by 10pm. My younger one was mortified and couldn't apologise enough, but she was livid. The screaming attracted my attention to the time, so I also apologised, but she said she was calling the police as we were disturbing their peace. Her and her husband then spent the next 20 minutes shouting at each other.

Well the police turned up today to speak to me, unfortunately we were out, but I saw them on my cameras.

What do I do? I really do dislike falling out with anybody. I understand that we all have different tolerance limits. I want to address it with them, but without making it worse or getting into a neighbour feud. I'm almost tempted to say that when they let their dog out to bark from 6am onwards, or do their glass recycling before 8am at a weekend is outside of my tolerance limits, but I say nothing to keep the peace - but if I say that does it look like tit for tat?

Any advice welcome please.

OP posts:
JMSA · 28/05/2023 17:25

Boytwinmum · 28/05/2023 16:44

Sport mainly. Basketball (which is why we agreed a cut off time), sometimes football tricks, sometimes make believe big ticket sports events. Usually after 9 they are hanging out talking, as they think it's more private than being in the house. So it depends really.

I was fully prepared to say that your neighbours are unreasonable weirdos! But ball games at night would drive me to the edge!

Iwasafool · 28/05/2023 17:26

Daisydu · 28/05/2023 16:54

at first I thought you are not being unreasonable but then you said they play basket ball. Do you know how bloody annoying that noise is? And to have it all evening till 10pm?! I’d be complaining also.

Having lived nexdoor to a basket ball teenager I have to agree. Generally kids noise doesn't bother me but there is something like torture about listening to basket ball.

Sensibletrousers · 28/05/2023 17:26

Your next conversation with them you need to endure you are on equal ground (rather than you being overly apologetic- especially given all the shit you’ve overlooked from them up to now!).

Tell them that the 10pm curfew will remain as is - if they run minutes later you will apologise but you will absolutely not tolerate them shouting at your kids again. Also tell them that unless they stop making their own unsociable noise (dog barking, glass recycling etc) until after 9am, you will move the kids’ curfew to the legal noise allowance cutoff of 11pm.

Tell them that you are very happy to stick to this mutually agreeable arrangement from now on.

bluebeck · 28/05/2023 17:27

toomuchlaundry · 28/05/2023 17:10

Basketball until 10pm would drive me crazy

Yeah I would be ripping my hair out.

TerfIngOnTheBeach · 28/05/2023 17:27

I’ve had teenagers and early 20s living at home.

I’ve never had a complaint, my rules were:

occasional birthday party or gathering, 10pm shut down for noise, music, general teenager rowdiness.

if a very special occasion and they want to continue they come indoors at 10, party can continue as a “one off” until 11 but no loud music.

TBH, it never went that late as special birthdays meant legally allowed to do clubs and so they had buggered off at 10 to go into town.

general incessant ballgames and noise because they were too young to party would be a 9pm curfew.

I think you should be sharing the kids at different homes if they’re not all yours and shutting down at nine.

notacooldad · 28/05/2023 17:27

To be honest your teens would annoying me BUT I know its my problem as they aren't doing anything wrong and there's a mutually agreed cut iff time.
The neighbour is nuts.
At this point I wouldn't be worried about the police.

Sensibletrousers · 28/05/2023 17:27

*ensure

Hankunamatata · 28/05/2023 17:27

How many hours of basketball? The noise of ball bouncing would put my head away.

Nanny0gg · 28/05/2023 17:28

OP - They think you're a walkover

Stop it. I'd be damned I'd mow someone's lawn if they screamed at my kids and next time they have a party ask them to keep the noise right down or you'll phone the police!

whoamI00 · 28/05/2023 17:28

10pm is late but it's unacceptable they shouted at them.

oldperson1 · 28/05/2023 17:30

Boytwinmum · 28/05/2023 16:58

I totally get it, and if it was every night I think it would wind everybody up! We've spoken about it and agreed 10pm with them. It had only become an issue this summer (so a few weeks) now the nights are lighter. Its a seasonal thing as they don't play in the winter.

I'm looking for advice on how to speak to them and what to say.....if they've changed their minds fair enough, but I've already installed the curfew and said no to Sundays; they are only here 50% of the time...I know.ill roll over when challenged and end up with two teens who can't be in the garden after 8pm if I get cornered, hence reaching out for opinion.

I promise I'm not a bad neighbour! I take in all their parcels and mow their lawn.i rebuilt my wall when they hit it with the car and said nothing, I don't complain about their noise (ironically they don't complain about the boys on the nights they have parties but again, summer time, and they deserve to enjoy their garden!.

Show quote history

Going by this post you seem like a really decent neighbor
As someone previously posted.
I’m also surprised the police want to speak to you so I also would be wondering what has beefed said to them , I think I would wait and see what the police have to say and then decide on what course to take,
I certainly wouldn’t roll over for them once you do that it will be give them an inch and they will take a yard situation.

moistclam · 28/05/2023 17:30

Is there gonna be some massive drip feed that they're also playing music out loud on their phones during this "playing" or something? If so, I can see why people would be getting annoyed. Noise is intrusive. Any type of noise that you don't have control over yourself. As much as folk will rush to say you can make as much noise as you want up until 10pm, any decent person would still be willing to keep it to a reasonable minimum so they don't disturb their neighbours.

JMSA · 28/05/2023 17:30

Your neighbours are still unpleasant weirdos though.

PickledPurplePickle · 28/05/2023 17:31

10pm is too late for games in the garden on a regular basis - this would drive me insane, sounds like they are at the end of their tether is at 2 minutes past they are shouting over the fence

If you have a big garden, is there somewhere away from the neighbours you can set up a shed or something for them to go in to chat?

Soapyspuds · 28/05/2023 17:32

Your neighbours are still unpleasant weirdos though

Maybe but then again everybody has a breaking point. If they have to listen to basketball until 10pm I can understand their frustration.

We are only hearing on side of this do not forget.

Original poster
Boytwinmum · 28/05/2023 17:34

moistclam · 28/05/2023 17:30

Is there gonna be some massive drip feed that they're also playing music out loud on their phones during this "playing" or something? If so, I can see why people would be getting annoyed. Noise is intrusive. Any type of noise that you don't have control over yourself. As much as folk will rush to say you can make as much noise as you want up until 10pm, any decent person would still be willing to keep it to a reasonable minimum so they don't disturb their neighbours.

No, I don't allow them their music out there as it feels like a nuisance.

I'm starting to see that people don't like balls either....so I need to have that conversation. The kids opposite play football in their garden until much later, but I can honestly say it doesn't bother me, but I can clearly tolerate it more.

OP posts:
olympicsrock · 28/05/2023 17:36

Basketball or football until 10pm is unreasonable . Maybe say ball games until 9 but they can chat in the garden until 11. The neighbours have no right to shout at your kids or have a dog out at 6am. That IS antisocial.

Iwasafool · 28/05/2023 17:37

Boytwinmum · 28/05/2023 17:34

No, I don't allow them their music out there as it feels like a nuisance.

I'm starting to see that people don't like balls either....so I need to have that conversation. The kids opposite play football in their garden until much later, but I can honestly say it doesn't bother me, but I can clearly tolerate it more.

Show quote history

I think basket ball is worse than football, my GS will bounce a football when he's bored and that is a bit like basket ball, it is the bang it sort of goes through you, it is more than just noise.

I'd honestly prefer to hear them out there with music going than playing basket ball.

Original poster
Boytwinmum · 28/05/2023 17:38

Soapyspuds · 28/05/2023 17:32

Your neighbours are still unpleasant weirdos though

Maybe but then again everybody has a breaking point. If they have to listen to basketball until 10pm I can understand their frustration.

We are only hearing on side of this do not forget.

Oh gosh absolutely, and as I haven't even heard their side yet so cant make this a balanced post, I feel it is important we speak about it. Although they agreed 10pm, perhaps circumstances have changed, perhaps it bothers them more now than it did....hence I do want the conversation, I just don't want confrontation.

OP posts:
Creamyoda · 28/05/2023 17:42

If they said something at 10 on the dot they'd obviously been counting down to the agreed time so it must be impacting them a fair bit. I agree people can use their gardens how they please and all of that, but ball games at 10pm sound drive me to despair and I'm quite laid back. Could they stop the ball games at a reasonable time? Perhaps the chatting and whatever else isnt an issue.

SgtBilko · 28/05/2023 17:43

Frabbits · 28/05/2023 16:49

Nonsense. People are entitled to use their own gardens to play in. Noise restrictions don't start until 11.

Show quote history

Actually, that isn’t true. Noise nuisance (and I’m not the one defining what that is!) can be literally any time of night or day. What you then come up against is reasonable noise. Teenagers playing outside is reasonable noise. However, if they are playing basketball etc. and annoying the neighbours every day until 10pm then it can become a nuisance. The police won’t do anything but the council will enforce if they deem the noise to above and beyond reasonable.

Original poster
Boytwinmum · 28/05/2023 17:44

Thanks to you all I do appreciate getting the wider view of people who have no bias towards one side or the other.

I will toughen myself up, not be a pushover, and go and talk to them like an adult (there are 2 of them and 1 of me so I'm a little uncomfortable). But, I need to stick up for the kids, whilst appreciating their viewpoint. I've never fallen out with any neighbour, in fact my old neighbour used to join in the games, so I have also been spoilt in that respect.

I'll suggest earlier ball game curfew (thanks to those who suggested that as an option rather than garden curfew) but then they can stay out of the balls are put away. They do bounce away from the house, but noise does travel so I can understand them getting wound up. I will also suggest no more shouting at the kids and no more early morning dog barks!

Thanks again everyone

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 28/05/2023 17:45

Teenagers are far too old to be 'playing' in the garden. Especially at 10 pm. No wonder your neighbour isnt happy.

identifyingasmrblobbytoday · 28/05/2023 17:45

Basketball in the garden or a football being smacked about after 9pm would really piss me off....but I'm aware that would be my issue so I'd grit my teeth and try to ignore it.

It's bloody annoying to listen to though, especially if it's accompanied by shouting.

Emotionalsupportviper · 28/05/2023 17:45

MissPoldark · 28/05/2023 16:39

Are they very noisy in the garden? Even so I can’t believe the police came out for this.

I think they have to if there has been a complaint - plus, who knows what the neighbour told them . . .

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