To think you and your partner ar unemployed you shouldnt really be trying for another child...

[Nointhemood]

probably be flamed for this. But I know a couple who have two small young children under 3 and are trying for another even though neither have managed to find employment in the last few years. I would love to have another child but even with a dh in a job we couldnt afford it just doesnt seem fair.Im not saying that people on benefits shouldnt have children as each cicircumstance is different etc.But surely with a couple who can both work and aren't exactly childless there should be mor responsible. I feel really angry tbh that we can'y afford to have a child and wouldn't dream of it in their situation

runnybottom no he did not actively claim jsa or any other benefit. we survived purely on his redundancy pay and savings.

however we did benefit from this as he was not earning for this year it meant that the next year we were eligible to claim some tax credits, as it is based on your previous years income. not an awful amount though.

but from the outside we could have looked like a family of benefit 'scroungers'.

i just wanted to say please dont judge everyone when you dont know the circumstances!!

YANBU- what Hectate said here too

Some people are selfish and irresponsible!

haribo - completely different in the that you were not reliant on HB/JSA/full tax credits etc.

OP - YADNBU. Incredibly selfish and incredibly irresponsible of them to be increasing the size of their family when they are long term unemployed.

So, how do you separate the scounging feckless from the haribomums and TSCs of the world?

You can't.

Which is why, although galling if (like me) you'd have liked more than one child but can't afford to, withdrawing benefits, kicking people when they're down, really isn't the answer.

'So, how do you separate the scounging feckless from the haribomums and TSCs of the world?

You can't.'

Yes, you can. Haribo's husband was not on full benefits. He was living off redundancy and savings.

thesecondcoming's husband is working.

The people in the OP are not disabled or carers.

Dh used to work at a school where a career option was to have a baby any time from year 10 onwards - GCSE Childcare was really a drop in centre. After leaving school dh would see groups of ex-pupils in the town centre with their shiny prams and pretty useless bfs. They knew what they were entitled to re money and housing because that was their own background. It's a mixture of lack of ambition, lack of opportunities and a knowledge the state will provide.

It's not something I would choose to do, but if the money they get from benefits will cover the cost, then I can see why they would.

If, however, it means they are going to be skint and really struggle financially, other children go without things, etc then I don't understand why they'd choose that.

Right i have obviously started something. And to who ever said i was jealous yes you are right of course id love to have another child and all the help that goes along with it wouldnt we all.But right now we can't afford it if our circumstances change then we may .
It just makes me angry that with all these cuts that are happening and people are having to make sacrifices they are planning to have another child that they can't really afford or provide for themselves. They are young and i mean 25ish so hardly any rush to have children.Would it not be more responsible for them to wait until their circumstances change??? Its not like they got pregnant then the circumstances have changed their circumstances now are they are both unemployed. I have been brought up in a single parent family and dh could be made redundant so this is not an attack on people on benefits.

Well, while I can see that their fecklessness has pushed a lot of people's buttons, from the uproar on the threads about what the Tories were going to do to tax credits and so forth, I suspect there are a LOT of people out there on MN who can't afford their children without some form of state aid.

It's just a matter of degrees.

yanbu

The benefits culture needs reforming

Benefits are for emergencies, they are not supposed to be a lifestyle choice.

haribomum i did say everyone's circumstances is different and realise things happen in life that are not always planned or helped. I would much rather have a welfare state then not but do think it should be used as a safety net only. The couple i know make lovely parents and they were both looking for work so im not dissing them in that respects as they are trying to find work.They are only living in a small 2 bed priviate house so they have no room for another baby to start and will have to move.

I don't think OP is BU. The amount of conversations I have with people who have decided to have more children and then expect the LA or HA to provide them with bigger homes with a garden is ridiculous round here. It's the sense of entitlement I don't understand - I want it so I when can have it. The benefits culture is a joke.

I would hate to be in my 60's and look back on my life so far regretting the child I never had because of something as silly as money. Their circumstances may change tomorrow but once your child bearing days are over, that's it unless you know an IVF doctor who will sort you out.

I think stop being so jealous and mind your own business.

And I've said this before and got slated for it but I'll say it again. Having children is more than a right, it's what we're bloody well here for. It's the very basis of our existence. So stop bleating on about it not being a right, because it absolutely is.

What you're atalking about is a responsibility to society which is a valid point but an entirely different matter.

Rockbird it is the tax payers' business. They are both long term unemployed so the tax payer is paying for their children.

I am minding my own business they can do what they like at the end of the day. Its just a discussion which is the whole point of mumsnet. Some people take things way too seriously on here and are very quick to bitch and have a go.We all have our opinions.Im slightly envious but i could have another child if i wanted but its my choice to wait until we are better off. As for the whole fertility thing yes i agree but they are young enough to wait and they are blessed with two gorgeous children already which is more then most.

notinthemood your thread title is 'To think you and your partner ar unemployed you shouldnt really be trying for another child... '

this alone is offensive. why should i have not had my dc2? we werent claiming benefits? think the thread title needs changing tbh.

so now that everyone is unemployed is claiming benefits! stop making assumptions!

Rockbird, they have 2 children already and without the taxpayer propping them up cannot afford more. They do NOT have a right to more children and possibly a bigger house when many parents are working their arses off to keep a rabbit hutch over their heads. If you want to pay for their extra kids fine .

Rickbird, the planet can't cope with many more children, and the public purses can't cope with paying out any more benefits. Why isn't two children enough? I haven't had a third child because I am self employed and therefore not entitled to the usual maternity leave priviliges, I would never dream of saying "OK, I'll just jack in my job then and claim benefits to keep us afloat".

Well then i apologise Haribomum but i think the majority of people knew what i meant plus it was written quite late minus the spec's. I think you are over reacting and taking it rather personally.I hardly know you or you situation. If you weren't claiming benefits then surely you were in a good financial positon anyway.

or maybe not i don't know your situation so can't really comment.

And just to add say if she decides she wants a forth is that ok too because of her human rights???

Child benefit, tax credits etc should apply for the first two children. Then if you choose to have more, you support them on your own.