to not want to do training on something that I’m not sure even exists?

[pastiesh]

AIBU to want to just get on with my work, and not be requested to participate in 3 hours (over 3 days) of training on something which I think it a bit irrelavant to me? We have recently had to have some training on ?Post Adoption Depression Syndrome? as a colleague who has recently adopted, and is coming back to work, is claiming to be suffering from it. I?m just a bit annoyed that work time is taken up with this, at a time when me and most of my colleagues are especially busy with lots of projects on, just to pussyfoot around someone who has a new baby - like so many of us have!! When I had my baby, no one did training on how to deal with my PND.
To be perfectly honest, after listening to all the training and doing a bit of reading myself, I just think it?s another example of this crazy PC world we now live in, and while she may be struggling with becoming a parent, I think it?s a bit insulting to compare it to Post Natal Depression, as that is hormonal and physiological and I fail to see how the two can be compared. I would never say all this to her, or to anyone at work (which is why I wanted to vent on here, really) and I probably am being a bit unreasonable, but she is just one member of a thirty-strong workforce, and I feel as though we are being taken away from important work, just to be seen to be doing the right thing - and something I?m not even sure exists outside of the politically correct brigade.

Good God, OP - you sound like a bit of a nightmare. How can you claim that it?s harder to have your brand of depression than another!? And by saying that adoption is in some way easier, you?re demonstrating a certain amount of ignorance. Maybe your company are going a bit OTT, but maybe they?ve realised a bit late that they?ve caused some problems by not having any compassion in the first instance?
How do YOU know what Post Adoption Depression is like? If people are suffering from it, then it exists!

It is so totally unreasonable that you should have to go one iota out of your way to do something to better understand a colleague who is really struggling. And it is not at all unreasonable of you to be on here wondering if her depression is real or not.

YANBU to be finding this strange. In your shoes I would be raising an eyebrow.

I?m not horrible, and I honestly wouldn?t say anything to her - but PND is biological and hormonal. Adoption isn?t. Simple!
And they were comparing the 2 types in the training - all the time. Asking those of us who have suffered from PND to extend empathy towards our colleague. I?m honestly not a cow, and I will support her - it?s not a personal thing at all - I just don?t see why I have to call on my own experiences in order to support her through something I don?t have any experience in - the two are not linked!

I have worked in training. I find it amazing that your company has put something on specifically for your colleague. In some ways this cold be seen as a bit OTT - does she know it's happening, has she agreed? She might feel really exposed.

On the other hand, at least they are making an effort to assist her. is it really 'training' or just an information briefing. I think if I was asked to manage the situation I would probably circulate information about it, rather than run full scale training.

Still.....think you could be a bit more understanding from a personal perspective.

Depression is extremely common in people who have been through assisted conception and adoption for many of the reasons mentioned above. Depression is hell no matter what cause it and OP you sound like a petulant child who can't stand someone getting more attention than you.

Op given that you have never adopted how can you possibly know if your depression is "worse" than hers? You can't ! That's why a bit of empathy is called for and a tiny bit of compassion.

Of course the 2 are linked. You don?t say how old her baby is - but have you ever actually known anyone close go through the adoption process? It?s horrendous. Very difficult. And having a baby land on your lap, at very short notice with all the emotions of being a new mum, but without the biological pull?
Post Adoption - Post Pregnancy - either way there?s a new mother and a needy baby involved. How can they NOT be linked?

because, hobnobsaremyfave, it stands to reason. I keep saying - biology! Hormones and physiology. She might be struggling, - and she might be depressed, I don?t know. But I just think it?s society labelling something for the sake of it. It?s a form of depression but it isn?t the same thing

I imagine you have been asked to help as you have experience of depression, and also of looking after small children while struggling with depression. Is that really so odd?

but lots of personal situations are extremely difficult in life and yet it is not usual for people to have training at owrk to deal with their colleagues' specific problems. When someone's parent dies, they have a miscarriage, alcoholic partner, marriage break-down, debilitating disease. When does it happen that everyone is trained to learn what that person is going through and how to deal with them?

I still find it strange tbh. Maybe because this is a little-known phenomenon, they felt it necessary to inform everyone. I don't know. Don't know why a few quiet words wuldn't have surficed

It is a bit weird that you would have 3 hours of ?training? on something like this - but I do think it progressive of your company to acknowledge PADS. Having said that, I think I would find it a bit embarrassing if staff were ?briefed? on what I was going through on my return to work. Very unusual.
That aside, I do think, however, that your attitude sucks! PADS does exist ; of course it does, and you are being very mean spirited, ignorant and a little childish IMO.

It does sound bizarre that you are all being sent on training. I have always worked in public sector and never come across something similar to this. It strikes me that it is something particular about your company dynamics going on here.

It is, though, very well documented that many adoptive parents go through depression after adoption. Of course it's not the same as PND, because it lacks a hormonal/physiological basis, though it shares some of the main social/emotional/psychological causes while having some aspects uniquely its own.

By the way, OP, you might want to be careful about your use of language when your colleague returns. Adoptive parents do consider their children as much their 'own baby' as birth children.

And lastly: I hope you will be sympathetic to her anger in not enjoying the same rights and benefits as colleagues having maternity leave. I'm currently facing the same situation myself. No time off for pre-adoption appointments, which have taken up far more time than my antenatal appointments ever did. And I will get less than half the paid leave my pregnant colleagues are looking forward to. That inequity just can't be justified on any grounds I can think of - not even on the grounds of organisational costs, since adoption leave is so very rare - and I'm very upset about it.

Please try and have some compassion for your colleague: she's going through a lot. If you're angry with the company's actions, take it up with the company.

Depression is not just a physiological thing it's a combination of many factors ! FFS you sound like a bit of a cow who thinks only you have proper depression that's a bit like 2 cancer patients arguing about who has the biggest tumor! The woman is struggling and depression is real whether it is caused postnataly or as a result of a bereavement or anything else. Don't know quite why but you're attitude really pisses me off and I say that as someone who has suffered from PND and has watched a friend suffer with depression for 15 years. Do you know what she doesn't even have children so of course her depression isn't as bad as yours. Grow up

pastiesh if PND is solely hormonal and physiological how do you explain the fact that men also get it...?
I hope you don't work in any industry where you actually have to understand PEOPLE.

if I had depression, I don't think I would like it if all the 30 people I worked with were on a course learning about it

I would feel embarrassed going back tbh. At least I'd feel really uncomfortable

is it somehow relevant to your field of work - interacting with people outside the office etc, that you would need to understand how she might react differently to usual or need you to intervene at some stage? Something like that?

"I?m not horrible, and I honestly wouldn?t say anything to her - but PND is biological and hormonal. Adoption isn?t. Simple!" Yes you are. Don't bother with the training, it would really be pointless for you.

Alternatively do by all means post in the Adoptions section to get some opinions from people with some experience.

So much I could say - so completely pointless to say it to someone so unable to process it.

There is a huge psychological component to PND. If it was just hormones it would be like a bad case of PMS or the baby blues you get a few days after birth, but it is much more than that.

I can easily see how some people when adopting might go through many of the same things that trigger pnd.

no say it Kewcumber, or at least some of it. I had genuinely never heard of this before and maybe a lot of people are totally unaware of it.

OP, given your reasoning of PND being purely biological, can you explain how counselling is effective in treating it?

PND is not "biological" what a bizarre description of it.

I hope none of your children ever adopt grandchildren - they might find the exhasuting and emotional (yes and hormonal) process a little lonely with you heckling from your lofty position on the sidelines.

ZZZenagain - the training was prompted by her return to work but she hasn?t been specifically mentioned. However, someone in senior management confided in me that because of the lack of support during her adoption process, and the suggestion that the company in some way contributed to how she is feeling now, her situation is what initiated the training, although it is being delivered generically. I apologise to posters who feel IABU, and I possibly am - am definitely not still PND, but wouldn?t have minded a bit of support at the time. No, depression shouldn?t/can?t be measured on a sliding scale, but my issue is still that the 2 things are not comparable, and much of my tight enough work time has been sidelined by this