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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

to think this blogger & netmums user is wrong about MN?

160 replies

Ewe · 05/07/2010 14:49

Not sure if any of you have seen this blogpost here?

Commenting on Justine at the cybermummy event and also more generally about how Mumsnet it as a collective. As a young (ish) parent I like the fact MN don't feel the need to have a special section for younger mothers, I don't think there are many parenting dilemmas that are age specific!

OP posts:
TrillianAstra · 05/07/2010 22:23

Every other section has been requested though - not put up just because someone had a little bitch on their blog.

Well, apart from MumsNOT, which has no traffic because why would we want to separate ourselves off? No idea how that one came up.

Confuzled · 05/07/2010 22:30

What IS Mumsnot? I don't think I remember even hearing about it.

I dunno. I did feel for a pregnant 16 year old looking for other pregnant teenagers, and from the sounds of it coming a cropper. That's a vulnerable position. Though I suppose if she found a site that suited her, all's well that ends well. I still don't see it really matters if it's used or not though - if there's no traffic it could always be deleted again.

TrillianAstra · 05/07/2010 22:32

MumsNot - a section on the site that no-one particularly wanted or needed.

Confuzled · 05/07/2010 22:40

I don't really think that's comparable, tbh. Childless people have TTC/mc folders, and childfree people have forums of their own in which to castigate breeders. I appreciate that we may not get traffic on a young mother's folder, sure, but they are a parent demographic, and it's a parenting website.

We have a chicken keepers folder, a creative writing one and a facebook one - so why not young parents. Maybe nobody will use it, but does it matter?

Blottedcopybook · 05/07/2010 23:38

Justine thank you for your eloquent response on SingleMummy.Net's blog - as a MN user myself for over 18 months I was offended not by your use of stats but by your comparison of Mumsnet users (Broadsheet) and Netmums users (tabloids) but having read your comment I am mollified somewhat.

What has REALLY offended me though is that the same users posting, "Yes we're all-inclusive" are laying into this young mother for daring to mis-spell. God forbid she might not spell-check because we all know that truly affects the message being broadcast.

I'm so upset that this site which has been a beacon of support to me - a user definitely not within the target demographic - has essentially confirmed every single one of Hayley's concerns instead of refuting them. Five pages of bitchy, personal and below-the-belt comments? Pat yourselves on the back.

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 06/07/2010 00:17

Whereas Netmums absolutely retain the moral high ground with comments like:

"OHMYGOD! I should have warned you about that crowd of menopausal old hags sweetie. I feel so very responsible...

I just skipped over to their thread on this, and along with their self righteous "Waitrose shoppers" vs "Netto shoppers" comment, I found this.

"I stopped reading the blog once I got to the spelling mistake in the first sentence!"

They don't get out much, and they don't tolerate criticism at all well. Johnnie Boden should stitch HRT patches into the lining of his coats!" - from Dulwichmum on singlemummy.net - a comment which Hayley 'liked'.

Confuzled · 06/07/2010 00:50

If someone hammered you the way she has been here and on her own blog, after you'd had a miserable experience here in the first place as a pregnant 16 year old, I don't think I'd blame you for "liking" a supportive comment from a friend, tbh. I would imagine she's hurt by what has been said both here and there. She's been personally attacked.

Both "sides" are being ridiculous in equal measure IMO. I wouldn't like NM because I am not comfortable with very moderated discussion boards, and like most people I prefer to talk to those I feel are like-minded. Other people find this place threatening and smug and hideously aggressive, and prefer to be somewhere more relaxed in some ways and less free-for-all in others. It doesn't make them all thick or chavs, any more than the snark makes us all prissy, pursed-lipped bitches, but I suspect that at the extreme end of the spectrum we have a few of the latter and they have a few of the former, simply because we don't tolerate their extremes and they don't tolerate ours. But as the comment directly above yours demonstrates, it's those extremes that stick in the mind/gullet.

MN and NM may have their very different atmospheres, but they are not Hive Vaginas. They are made up of lots of extremely varied individuals - and both sites seem to be towers of strength to women in real need, which is surely all that matters. How people feel able to call all however-many-thousand of us vipers is as much of a mystery as people here calling all however-many-thousand of them chavs. Both are lazy thinking... and truly stupid, IMO.

MummysLittleMonkey · 06/07/2010 10:04

I don't understand the outrage - everyone's entitled to an opinion, this woman was just stating hers, so why are some people taking it so personally? Justine didn't.

I saw her talk at CM and didn't personally feel offended by her comments. I fit the 'MumsNet Demographic' (Boden aside) and read tabloids AND broadsheets. I didn't see her analogy as an insult, and don't think she meant it as one.

mrsruffallo · 06/07/2010 10:44

Has she been personally attacked? It all seems
rather civilised to me.
There have been a few tame insults exchanged (there will be a couple of confrontational people on any forum or in any walk of life)but I don't see that the blogger has been 'hammered' because someone pedantically pointed out a spelling mistake(which I think the poster has said was a tongue in cheek comment)

Anyway, I am off in search of '5 pages of bitchy personal and below the belt comments'

Blottedcopybook · 06/07/2010 10:48

StayingDavidTennantsGirl I'm 85% certain that Dulwich Mum isn't on NetMums but her comment about MumsNet is very much in keeping with her very tongue-in-cheek blog. I'm not defending it, merely pointing out that she was undoubtedly joking.

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 06/07/2010 11:01

I wasn't aware of that, Blotted - thankyou for pointing it out to me.

porcamiseria · 06/07/2010 11:13

I find the whole NM vs MN thing uttterly pathetic

I also hate when people take the piss out of NM and say they all call each other "hun"

so playground

LouIsWaltzingMatilda · 06/07/2010 11:26

I am 30
Multiple degrees
Not married
But I have no...................
CHILDREN!!

Netmums is too much like Nannyjob for me. All kisses and hugs and Eastenders. At least here I get good advice, interesting and intelligent conversation and no one cares that my kids are not really mine at all!

Ewe · 06/07/2010 15:34

Yes, Dulwichmum has a vendetta against Mumsnet due to this thread. Don't think she's representative of Netmums tbh, just your regular garden blogger with a bit of grudge.

OP posts:
southeastastra · 06/07/2010 15:53

imo the best thing to do is ignore them now. they're bitching twittering away about us now and making themselves look unhinged

_
(drawn line)

bronze · 06/07/2010 16:29

What I don't understand is I thought she lurked but didn't post then says she wasn't welcomed with open arms. Bit like those delivery drivers who don't knock and the state you weren't in.

Ahh well more to life. I have to get earning my degree so I can have a well paid job so I can afford boden. Not sure how I age prematurely

Confuzled · 06/07/2010 18:30

I think a lot of pots appear convinced of their great superiority to the kettles.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 06/07/2010 18:40

confuzled - I like that, shall remember it

HappyMummyOfOne · 06/07/2010 19:27

So the blogger doesnt like MN, I dont like NM either but dont have a blog

I found NM too colourful, the tickers absolutely awful and the moderators over zealous. Very few actually appear to speak out, instead most just agree with whatever the OP says.

I also found it to have a lot of younger mums and many not working so nothing in common really.

I prefer MN as its more open and honest, debates are rarely censored and there is a nice mix of people.

kimandboys · 23/08/2010 21:09

im actually new to this site, ive been on nm before, and to be honest this is the frist thread ive read and im already insulted!

in actual fact on netmums ive seen a far higher number of "older parents" although how 30 plus could be considered old is madness!, on nms.

i also belive the old saying age is just a number ive met some terrific youngers mums and some horrific younger mums, i also met the same in older mothers!

my mother was 19 when she had my brother she was married and working, her and my father brought there own house and my mother went onto to do a history degree and then changed careers in her late 30s and now manages a large care home organisation.

i myself am a young mother as im only in my early 20s (23). but before i had my 2 children i had already accomplished 3 nvqs in restaurant management, was a bar supervisor, which of course due to hours i had to leave when i gave birth, i then returned to work and trained to gain qualifications in care and worked with adults with learning disabilities.

myself and my partner work very hard to support our children we have our own home, we pay our bills, we pay our taxes and contribute to society with our jobs.

i wish people would be less narrow minded and not tarnish us all with the same brush.

the ridiculous part is the older generation all had children very young( i know were not talking 14,15) and just because they were married it wasnt frowned upon!!!

Quattrocento · 23/08/2010 21:17

I feel heartwarmed by the fact that the blogger and netmums user has found her natural habitat.

mumbar · 23/08/2010 21:18

oh dear I joined mumsnet 6 months ago having joined netmums but never actually found out what it does Hmm

According to this as a 30yr old single mum to ds 6, living in HA flat working f/t and doing my degree through OU (so not a grad yet) and a low income family I should be f-ing off back to NM.

Ha NO CHANCE Grin

This is by far IMH (humble)O the best parenting website out there.

racheyh · 24/08/2010 08:20

I am a 26 year old married mum of two boys (both my husbands) I have a degree, I work full time, I own my own home (well the bank owns most of it at the moment!)

However I live in the North East, have never heard of Boden and for me a trip round John Lewis is akin to tourists visiting Harrods - nice to look at but would never dream of buying anything! My DS1 is dressed in Primark, George at ASDA etc and DS2 is dressed in DS1's hand-me-downs.

I've joined MN and NM but didn't realise there was an enterance criteria, so really my question is am I allowed to come and play here?

sanielle · 24/08/2010 09:23

kimandboys How is this the first thread you've read on here? Did you go searching for netmums, cause thats kind of weird?

cupcakesandbunting · 24/08/2010 11:09

I've only just seen this thread and don't usually reply to pointlessly resurrected threads but here I am... Hmm

FWIW, I think that the blogger in question is right about some things. I love MN and only use NM for local boards (wish MN local boards were more active) but to be honest, I'm not mad on Justine. I'll more than likely get booted off for that but it's true. I've read interviews with her on numerous occasions and to say I find her unbearably smug is putting it lightly. I'm aware that a lot of Mumsnetters won't share my view here; that's fine and that's why I prefer MN over NM. I don't come and post here to be agreed with and pandered to.

I do think that the blogger is wide of the mark with her assumption that we're all Boden-wearing yummy mummies (eugh). I'd cut my own arm off and beat myself with it before I wore Boden. Grin I've noticed a lot of single/younger mums posting here and a lot of us aren't career-minded. I do think that what we do have in common is that most of us are fairly switched-on and straight-talking. I think that Justine is right that a lot of MNers are smart and the blogger had a problem with that. When did being "smart" become a negative thing? But yeah, Justine's remark about wanting smart people to give advice was a bit Hmm, IMO.

I suppose it all boils down to what you want from your forum experience. I don't particularly like being called hunni or being told that I'm right, relentlessly so personally, that's why I chose never to post on NM.