to think this blogger & netmums user is wrong about MN?

[Ewe]

Not sure if any of you have seen this blogpost here?

Commenting on Justine at the cybermummy event and also more generally about how Mumsnet it as a collective. As a young (ish) parent I like the fact MN don't feel the need to have a special section for younger mothers, I don't think there are many parenting dilemmas that are age specific!

the only thing that pissed me off there was her description of mumsnetters as "silver-spooned" - that's just sloppy thinking and wildly inaccurate.
being educated is NOT the same as coming from a privileged and wealthy background. Not the same things AT ALL.

I went to the University of Life

[proud]

Maybe mumsnets average age is higher because they are more inclusive. Afterall mums can go from 13 to however the oldest woman alive is. I like the fact that if I want help with my children I can ask for it from people who have been there done that not just those going through the same thing at the same time. Isn't having a young mums section patronising and actually making more of a division in society?

I'm 29 now but started reading when pregnant with my first who I had when I had just turned 22. I don't have a degree.

SylvanianFamily- I think you may be right

I've never slagged of netmums. I went on there a few times and found it hard to navigate and I'm a forum slut. I have read numerous things where nmers have slagged off mners though.

"Entitled "The Smug Mumsnet Mafia wont get my vote" it starts by saying

"This is one party I won't be attending - Mumsnet has kindly invited me to celebrate its tenth anniversary next month, offering Champagne and biscuits, with the dress code listed as 'Boden'."

Well I nearly fell off my chair laughing reading this article as it has described things so well. "

I'm not sure she understands irony.

"At least one young mum has felt unwelcome and at least one young mum feels there should be a separate forum."

Yeah, I agree that's an issue and a shame.

"There will be those who do not speak up. They may be the ones who agree... and the ones who suffer!"

But it's the internet - you can't mind read lurkers and you can't frame a site over guesses on what they'd like. I'm certain that if a young parent suggested a folder aimed at that demographic, they'd get it. We have Dadsnet, gay parents, single parents, step parents, adoptive parents - all parents who post on other threads too. If someone wants it all they need to do is ask. But they do need to do that - and I think that's reasonable. Young parents aren't children and don't need older parents establishing something for them - how patronising would that be?

I have no clue how old posters are unless and until they say. Nor gender, nor sexuality, nor bio relationship to their kids, nor income bracket. I think that's a strength, myself, as it can be surprising who fits into what grouping. While I accept that there should be a special folder if they want it, I think it's for them to ask.

Just read that.

Somehow Justine always manages to make me feel about 10 years old with her impeccable taste and mature style of writing.

To be fair, I don't think that having a young parents section would automatically mean that the younger posters would be segregated. We have Dadsnet, Grandnet, Gay and Lesbian parents, Lone parents, even a MumsNOT section (what's that about, anyway??) and AFAIK most of the Dads, Grans, gay/lesbian posters and single parents don't stay off the rest of the boards shut away in their own little section.

Mumsnot? WTF is that, the Childfree section or something?

I have no idea

Sorry for x-post BTW, I typed that and then DS woke up so I came back and hit post without checking to see whether the thread had moved on.

It depends what you want really. I fail to see why a 16 year old would fail to find mumsnet useful in terms of advice on morning sickness, bras, birthing methods, cholic, teething etc but OBVIOUSLY if you're looking for something more, a community that speaks your language, you mind find mumsnet a little bit old for your tastes. But then, if you're 16 you're going to find most adult orientated things a bit old for you.

Yours was much more concise than mine though - you know how the elderly ramble on.

(Our DSs are about the same age I think - Nov '08? He's equally hard to settle at times.)

"But then, if you're 16 you're going to find most adult orientated things a bit old for you."

I think the Netmums blogger said that the issue was how patronised and belittled she felt young parents who outed themselves as such were, actually, and I wouldn't call that sort of behaviour very adult-oriented. One of the most interesting and thoughtful posters on here turned out to be 19, and when she mentioned that when she asked for advice on how to combine a place to read medicine at Cambridge with parenting, some of the responses appalled me. I could have sworn some people wanted her to surrender her opportunities, and settle for working in a shop for life instead. Her dignity and maturity in handling that sort of viciousness ("gutted for your dd" "well at least you'll be able to afford the therapy" ) certainly outweighed that of several posters twice her age.

I don't tend to use mumsnet or netmums so feel I can offer a non-partisan reaction to this post. I'm a fellow parent-blogger, and feel the SingleMummyNet's post offers quite a balanced, and fair view. Sure it's her point of view, but that's what a blog is for - it's to express your own opinion and experiences.

I was present at Justine's talk at the conference and I do think she made a couple of alienating comments, that were, in retrospect, a little unwise. I'm not a young mum, and I have a degree and read a broadsheet, but I felt uncomfortable with her remarks, and thought that she had simply misjudged her audience. She has commented on SingleMummyNet's post to explain her comments.

I don't think that comments here about SingleMummyNet's grammar and spelling are at all relevant in this discussion, and as a new visitor to MN they serve to put me off returning.

Bertie but all of those boards are because being a lone parent is different to having a husband/wife, being a grandparent is different to being a parent etc.

I don't think my parenting experiences are particularly different to those of people older than me, I have several friends who are 30+ (ancient! ) and we face the same problems and issues.

However, I fell pregnant when I was 20, had been working full-time in the media industry for three years so I am willing to concede that I wasn't THAT young and maybe not typical of younger parents who are still studying etc. Although we do have a student parents section for threads related to studying and juggling children.

Oh and of course it's just her point of view YandY, just as the posts here are our views. I would just hate for people to read SingleMummy's blog and assume Mumsnet is not a forum that welcomes younger posters when my experience has been the complete opposite of that.

oh lordy the spelling thing was done in a jokey manner and to be honest so many 'mummy bloggers' seem to slate mumsnet alot on sites including twitter that sometimes mn posters can get a little wound up by it.

it's navel gazing to me. there are so many more important things we could be arguing about ie schools. instead someone spends all their energy moaning about the lack of one topic that they would probably get if asked on the relevant part.

Havng watched at something of a distance, I have no doubt that if a scared pregnant teenager came on here she would she would receive incredibly kind and good advice.
Young parents are net savvy, they know how blogs, forums and facebook works. They are not going to be scared off by a few opinionated middle aged women.

I am afraid that MN has been built up in and by the media during the election and now its time to knock it down to size. Take no notice.

Confuzled, I remember that case, and I think there were some very intemperate comments directed at the OP, but I don't think any of them were because of her age -- it was the fact that she was planning to leave her DD with her parents in term time for the length of her medical studies that got some posters riled. I think the only way in which her youth got dragged into it was in suggesting that as a result she had plenty of time to qualify later when her DD wasn't so little.

Ewe - I definitely think the debate has been interested, and of course people are just expressing their views. I just think that some of the comments (not yours) have become a wee bit personal, and it's not really necessary.

I just think that Justine made a slight gaffe at a conference - she's explained that she thinks she was miscontrued, and SingleMummyNet has thanked her for her input.

I'm off to have a delve into the rest of MN to make up my own mind!

I obviously meant 'interesting' (see above)!

It's interesting - the idea that an audience of bloggers would be offended by statistics. It didn't really cross my mind not to cite them because they might cause offense (and I'd been asked to profile the Mumsnet audience).

I basically concluded that Mumsnetters on the whole were smart and on the whole were educated and that on the whole if you're relying on the wisdom of a crowd, the smarter the crowd the better. I think that's a fairly obvious statement but I suppose it could come across as smug. Wasn't meant to be was meant to be smug - just an honest appraisal.

ProfLayton, the way she was spoken to IMO was partly to do with her age. There are women on MN who use nurseries/nannies for similar hours in the week, 46 weeks a year (she was looking at weekdays over only 24 weeks, of course) and they aren't spoken to in that manner. She was, because she was a student rather than a high flying professional woman. It was appalling IMO and makes me flinch to remember.

Justine - I think it came across a bit like you were saying that to be smart you needed to have a degree, but I do understand that that wasn't what you meant. It was an good session - must have been exciting to speak at the first ever Cybermummy?!

It would be interesting to know some statistics about the bloggers in the audience, but I don't know if anyone collects that sort of information?

Perhaps it would be a good idea for Mumsnet to have a section for young mothers? It seems a bit daft to specialise in perimenopause.

Have a fake section for young mothers, and when you click it should say 'you don't need a special section, we are (almost) all mothers together, come talk to everyone else'.

But you could say that about any specific folder aimed at any demographic here. Adoptive parents, fathers, lone parents, gay parents, SN. I would imagine that being a teenage parent especially does have particular difficulties - the attitude of many of the public ("jumping the council house lists") for one, and you might not have many contemporaries in the same situation. It is bound to be different in some ways to the experience of older women, surely? At least for some?

As to the idea that they won't play with the rest of us - it isn't as if the boards for animal lovers say THIS IS A GHETTO. LIKE DOGS? KEEP OUT OF THE REST OF MN. WE DON'T WANT YOUR KIND THERE. They'd post where they chose, just as everyone else does. No reason a specific folder couldn't be included in their options. It seems Netmums has one and it gets traffic, so why not suck it and see on MN? Who cares if nobody posts on it; it won't be the only example.

If the unspoken sense is that people like the existing demographic and want to be sure that the posters we attract, whatever their ages, are able to hold their own and not change/dilute what makes MN MN, and that the mean age drifting down might result in that, fair enough. Nothing wrong with resisting a fix if it ain't broke. But that's not the same as saying we don't think people would use a folder like that, and so we shouldn't even try creating it.