To be p'eed off when people don't give up their seats on the tube?

[splashy]

I know I'm not but I need to vent!

Am 28 weeks pregnant and am fed up off people ignoring me, pushing past me to seats, and even shoving me.

Was a size 8-10 before being pregnant and still only wear a regular size 12 (don't like the look of maternity clothes). My weight is all on my belly so it's not like people might mistake me for fat.

Just bleedin' inconsiderate!

The tube is well known for transforming perfectly sane people into monsters, i'm not excusing it though.
I travelled by tube until i left work with twins, yes it was uncomfortable but i think i was offered a seat probably 95% of the time if there were no seats available.
Before i was pregnant i was a typical commuter, ipod, head in book, or asleep.I certainly didn't spend my whole journey into work looking up at each stop just in case a pregnant woman got on!
Beleive me love, people have got their own lives etc they aren't deliberately ignoring you, but if you need a seat just ask, no one will be offended.
I used to just get on, stand by the end seat and get my paper out and most nights got offered a seat, i did notice the huffing and puffing and tummy rubbing brigade quite often didn't.....

Just ask.

It isn't that hard to say "Excuse me, could I have your seat please I need to sit down". I have done it plenty when I needed it and the person has always moved.

Just being pregnant, it isn't obvious to everyone that you need the seat more. I have been heavily pregnant twice and didn't need the seat more than when I had a messed up knee, which wasn't immediately obvious if I was sitting down and had my jeans on.

I have commuted on the Tube all through my pregnancy (now am 37 weeks and on mat leave) and I have mostly been offered a seat. It helps that I get on at the start of the line so I don't need to worry in the morning. Sometimes I don't get a seat (the Central line is worst, but I'm not generally going very far on that!) and there have been two occasions where no one has offered me a seat but I've really needed one so have plucked up the courage to ask for one - and people don't mind.

I have found buses are worse for being offered a seat, but again the one time I didn't get a seat and really needed it I asked for one. However the other day I was on a bus and only going about three stops so when someone offered me a seat I said "Thank you so much, but I'm only going a couple of stops so I'm fine - thanks anyway". Before my stop came along another two people had offered me their seats and I was beginning to think it would be simpler just to have sat down! The next day I did the same journey and a man offered me his seat as soon as I got on the bus, and I decided to accept gracefully that time.

I do hate it when I see pregnant women not saying thank you when someone gives up a seat for them - how rude.

I hate those selfish gits who look up, see a pregnant woman standing in front of them and then spend the journey trying not to look at her.

Did they never have a pregnant wife? Or a daughter/DIL/niece who is/will be pregnant and in desperate need of a seat?

BTW, do those 'Baby on Board' badges actually work? If a commuter can't notice a third-trimester bump, then how will they notice a little white badge?

Sreiking Harpy - the OP never said she had SPD and as for morning sickness plenty of people feel sick for all sorts of reasons and still manage to stand up! If she was THAT ill with anything she shouldn't be at work! Really is pathetic when people think just because they are pregnant they suddenly expect the world to treat them with kid gloves (those with associated medical conditions aside)!

YANBU - we have an awful attitude in this country - I was in the states a few weeks ago and people stopped, said congratulations, asked how I was.. it was lovely. People seemed to talk to each other and smile at each other more over there.

Got on a crowded bus full of school kids recently - heavily pregnant and with toddler and none of them got up! I was shocked. As I was looking round to check I hadn't missed a spare seat another adult got up and offered me a seat, which I gratefully took.

There are some good people, I have twice had people help me load my folded buggy and help me get it off the bus again. People always ask if I need help with pushchair getting off the train and one woman helped me carry pushchair with sleeping toddler over the footbridge to get my train the other day.

Chynah -- just about the whole feckin' world has, since time immemorial, worked off the basis that other human beings show extra consideration to pregnant human beings, and do things such as offer them seats, get them water, help them with things they are carrying, etc. And guess what? The rule wasn't "First, subject the pg woman to a thorough medical history to be sure that she is sufficiently incapacitated to warrant you shifting your precious arse so that she can sit down".

What you think is "pathetic" is the way that humanity has interacted for thousands of years.

This social contract is showing signs of strain around the edge, but there's no value in rushing it along.

Finally, re your point that other people feel sick for other reasons. It used to be the case that the said social contract was strong enough that if anyone, male, female, young or old, felt in need of a seat and asked for one, they got it.

Chynah - seems you were (if you've been pregnant) been lucky enough to feel perfectly happy to stand for long periods on a bus/tube. For many people, it's painful ofr makes them feel very ill.

You don't sound very compassionate

jsut ask - "do you mind if i sit down I am pregnant?"

if no one moves up the ante -
"do you mind if i sit down please i am pregnant and i might vomit if you dont give me a seat, NOW"

I didn't go on the tube when I was pregnant, but last month I had a knee op and had a crutch for a couple of days. It was actually easier to stand than sit with a sticking out leg, but I had loads of offers of a seat. Which I politely declined, but thanked each individual.

i second all who say, "Ask" and also do get a badge - when I haven't got my head in a book, I am never too sure. I mortally offended someone recently, asking her when no 3 was due (it wasn't), which I thought looked pretty imminent.

slhilly - the very fact that the OP felt the need to post this shows the whole feckin' world doesn't actually give etra consideration to pregnantv people.

I never said it was pathetic the way hunanity has acted for thousands of years but how pregnant women feel they have some sort of divine right to special treatment. Maybe she ought to question all the others travellers on their medical history before deciding if she is more deserving.

Agree those who NEED it should get a seat but being pregnant isn't a reason alone.

And YES I have been pregnant and worked/commuted and just generally got on with normal life right up to the births.

sounds like a whole bunch of rudeness and lack of consideration to me...I see a pregnant woman,person with small children,shopping,older person I have and will give up my seat...bluddy hell whats with some of you lot?

You're right Chynah, how bloody selfish of pregnant women to expect sympathy and consideration Sounds like you were lucky in your experience, but a lot of pregnant woman are tired, hot, uncomfortable, and sometimes even in pain if they have to stand for a long time.

You're right Jamie, commuting by tube can be hellish; the trains and stations are too busy, too hot, and most of the commuters either have a day's work to look forward to, or have just finished. This often makes people irritable and selfish, and is the reason so many bury themselves in the Metro or their iPod, to try and pretend they're somewhere else.

P.S. My first paragraph is sarcastic, the second one isn't

Like others have said already, I probably would not notice that you were standing there wanting a seat. I read the metro, a book or just sit lost in my own thoughts. I do give my seat up for people who travel with small children because you always hear the child. Ask and I would be happy to get up.

BusyMissIzzy - Alot of pregnant people are hot uncomfortable or in pain if they have to stand agreed - then they should ask for a seat. As far as I know being pregnant doesn't affect a womans ability to open her mouth.

The OP stated she was "fed up off people ignoring me, pushing past me to seats, and even shoving me" - NO mention of pain of a medical necessity for a seat.

Chynah - not everyone is as assertive as you (or me). Some people have been ignored or attacked for speaking out on PT, or are afraid of it. I'd rather live in a place where, assuming they have noticed someone is pregnant/elderly/infirm/with a small child, people ask if someone wants a seat. That's how I was brought up.

Totay agree those that NEED them should be offered seats by those more able however in the absence of a medical necessity (which the OP does not mention) there is no reason why a pregnant woman can't stand up for a while!

Of course being pregnant is different to being ill, but I don't think anyone is claiming that it isn't.

Clearly though, being pregnant is different to being not pregnant.

Is it really that much of a leap to expect that people should offer a bit of a helping hand to those who may well be very grateful for a seat and need it more than them?

If they're feeling blooming and top-of-the-world then they'll decline, won't they? In which case you keep your seat but know that you've done the right thing in offering it to someone who very well could have badly needed it.

If they are feeling anything from a bit knackered through to death-warmed-up they'll gratefully accept and you'll have done the right thing by giving iup a seat to someone who needs it more than you.

Whatever happened to a bit of basic consideration, eh?

Chynah, if you re-read my post you'll see that I was talking in the past tense about the whole feckin' world. I was decrying the decline.

Not sure why you think it pathetic that pg women expect special treatment given that they are pg, given that:
a) they are carrying new life and once upon a time, that was seen as something to value, including by offering special treatment. You know, like not "shoving me", as the OP says. And even giving up seats.
b) the majority of pg women find it significantly harder to be pg than not to be pg, and so always appreciate other people helping them out with physical tasks

Tbh, your comment that "And YES I have been pregnant and worked/commuted and just generally got on with normal life right up to the births." sounds:

1. smug -- "I know, but choose to ignore, the fact that I was very lucky to be able to just get on with things, when many many pg women are not" or

1. ignorant and impatient -- "Unless they're ill, pg women are surely similar enough to me to be perfectly able to cope happily with standing, aren't they?" or

1. bitter -- "I had to stand and I didn't like it. Why shouldn't other women have to go through what I did?"

Oh, and re the point about questioning others about their medical history to see who was more deserving. When I grew up, my grandpa would take the bus with me. He would always stand up to offer a seat to a pg woman or a mother or an elderly lady, including when he was clearly the more infirm. At points, there would be a competition between him and the person he'd offered the seat to about who ought to be sitting, with each urging the other to be the one that took advantage of the seat. Competitions to be selfless like that were a good thing.

slhilly -

1. I wouldnt call pleurisy in late pregnancy very lucky - but yes I got on with it.

1. Not ignorant or impatient - just think people should get on with thier own lf and not expect everyone else notice or even care they are pregant. MAYBE they have more imporatant things going on in their lives to look round amd take notice .

1. Couldn't give a stuff if I sat down or stood. And have offered my seat to older people when I've been pregnant.

It really is a mixed bag out there. I live in London and some people have been very kind and others not so.

I am lucky enough not to have needed to go on tube in rush hour very often and have been offered a seat 9 out of 10 times. I have found that at 34 plus weeks everything has got a lot harder and I have really needed the seat when on way to hospital appointment or similar. I actually have found it harder to get a seat on the bus rather than tube.

Have also found that walking a long a busy street or shop/supermarket hard work with people charging towards you and almost knocking you over!!

Now I have experienced pregnancy myself I think I may not have been as kind/helpful myself in past (although no where near as rude as some of the posters on here) but in future I will be.

I have also found London to be the least friendly to pregnant women. On a couple of weekends away I have noticed a marked difference.

Oh and saying 'you are pregnant not ill' is not helpful in the slightest.