To be p'eed off when people don't give up their seats on the tube?

[splashy]

I know I'm not but I need to vent!

Am 28 weeks pregnant and am fed up off people ignoring me, pushing past me to seats, and even shoving me.

Was a size 8-10 before being pregnant and still only wear a regular size 12 (don't like the look of maternity clothes). My weight is all on my belly so it's not like people might mistake me for fat.

Just bleedin' inconsiderate!

People are bastards, especially to pregnant women and especially on public transport. Just try not to reciprocate when others need seats more than you.

I don't remember being brought up to say to older people on buses 'it's your own fault for getting old' in the same way that people feel it's ok to say of pregnant women 'it's your own fault for getting pregnant'.

Like I say, people are bastards, some more selfish and inconsiderate than others. Grin and bear it. You can skin their ankles with your pushchair in a few months!

I always thought the men were much nicer to me when I was pregnant - or had the buggy with me. Young "go get em" ball breaking corporate women were the worst behaved IMO -admitting that pg women had a slower pace, or particular needs was like as if they were admitting defeat to themselves or something. I noticed that some were so tough they wouldn't even take a peek at my baby in case someone saw then being "soft".

However, if you are feeling so unwell at 28 weeks, maybe you could have your iron levels checked. i was feeling very faint at about 14 weeks and found out I was anaemic (already...).
I didn't 'show' at all until 30 weeks. (abs of steel, they were)

You could bring a pregnancy book and read it, and just surrender and change into maternity clothes - then you won't just look 'fat' and feel upset that people who are tired from their long day don't have Xray eyes, or crystal balls.

you have to up your game! Most people are busy too.

You shouldn't have to ask. People claiming they are engrossed in their fascist rags Metros well, you shouldn't be. You are part of society and as the train fills up should make yourselves aware of any pregnant/older/less able passengers: it takes a second and helps contribute to a better world for all of us.

As for the suggestion that you don't need a seat at 28 weeks: bollocks. Pregnant women should be offered support, physically and emotionally, by society at large. Many of them need it. One in thirty has SPD/PGP to name just one invisible and painful (and exacerbated by standing) condition. They can always politely decline it. (And using the excuse that one person was rude/smug - the 'I'm pregnant, not disabled' one - to excuse not offering anyone else? Pathetic.)

If you've a hidden disability you can help by clearly saying something like, I'd offer you my seat but am also less able to stand: is anyone else able to offer this pregnant woman their seat?

I do agree you shouldn't have to ask, and I deffo needed a seat in a hot envrionment at 28 weeks, and I am no wuss - let me tell you .....

Agree with you Mavis.

... but like I said before, some women don't look clearly preg at 28 weeks (though OP said she does)

Ahh yes remember it all so well. Those with no intention of getting up never make eye contact

My gran went off to london few years ago and you'd have thought that someone would make an exception for a lady in her 80s and give up their seat but noooo. Not aleast until a spainish bloke of about 19 got on and made someone get up my gran was shocked though kept wittering on about the blitz spirit and whatever happened to looking out for eachother. She may have a point....

God, there are a fair few people with their judgey pants on this thread.

You cannot say what someone's pregnancy is like at 28 weeks. The OP is quite small framed if she was / is an 8-10. Plus I had fluid round my heart in pregnancy (quite common, but unless you have to have a cardiac scan in pregnancy which I have to for family reasons, you wouldn't be aware of it except for feeling v dizzy and having a tough time with stairs)

Splashy, I had a two point plan. I would walk up to the priority seat, smile (wearing my badge) and say, "excuse me, can I sit down please?" If someone objected, my plan b was to say "Well, you shouldn't have sat in the priority seat, then. It says above your head quite clearly you have to give it up to someone who's pregnant. Now I'd like to sit down".

I never needed to go to plan B but just knowing what I'd say if I was challenged made me feel more confident.

Those priority seats are there for you. People who've bought a ticket and think that they know better than TFL who those seats are for are kidding themselves.

prozac

I was once standing next to an elderly lady (who had a stick, as well), on a bus. Just said to her v loudly - "are you OK? It's a shame no-one has offered you a seat?" - someone jumped up straight away. She sat down, but was a bit embarrassed, I think. I said to her that next time she should ask - but I'm sure there are lots of elderly people who just aren't assertive enough to do that

My gran "never wants to be any trouble to you dear" Jamie I told her she should kick up a fuss I always do

As for whether the Op looked pregnant, well, when I was 28 weeks I looked overdue and the last time I used the tube before having my baby I was 36 weeks-ish and built like a brick outhouse and still no one gave up their much coveted seat on the tube

No not everyone looks pregnant when they are but even if you are the size of a large family car they still turn the other way

I had to get on 4 different tube trains over the weekend and not one person offered their seat - I'm 38 wks so very clearly pg.

I knew I wasn't going far on any of the tubes so wasn't going to get in a huff, but it would have been nice if just one person had been courteous enough to offer.

Is it just a London thing or do you think all cities are like this?

I'm in London. The tube is much worse than the bus, IME. I think that because buses serve local communities, there's more of a community feeling there.

I think, that because the tube is inherently pretty strange and unpleasant, some people forget their manners, feel more anonymous, or go into a self-protective bubble, especially if they travel by tube a lot. Which is a reason I'm glad I don't have to.

I don't understand why your experience is so different to mine. When I went on public transport in London while pregnant, I was always offered a seat. I must look pathetic.

While on the tube with DD then aged 3, a lady offered us her seat, which I politely declined. DD spent the rest of the journey saying in a loud voice, "We do wsnt to sit down,Mummy."

.. IME on tubes, the people who will stand for you are young men or middle-aged women. Your average business man will have his legs spread wide and his paper out at full stretch to claim his space

I have to say that this is one of the reasons I loved my second pregnancy in greece: people offer seats, ask if you want a drink (in the post office!), and they push you to the front of the que

OTOH I have been insulted in the tube in London by a heavily pg woman that I was intentionally ignoring her and not giving up my seat. So I didn't! The train was full of people, I wasn't on a priority seat and had she asked I would have gotten up. I was lost in my book, hadn't seen her and I believe she decided to rudely pick on me as I looked like an easy target (young and small). I was relieved to see that noone else got up for the yelling cow!

So, yeah, unless you ask you can't assume they've seen you. Also remember that people who look healthy might not be. I'd go for the polite approach

I found the opposite. People on the tube were lovely and offered their seats to me all the time when I was pregnant.

The early morning train from Andover to Waterloo was a different thing altogether. One morning at about 32 weeks pregnant, I gave up my seat for a lady with a newborn and a toddler while all the men hid behind their Times pretending they were deaf.

One of then did eventually offer but very begrudging.

You just have to ask - though mostly someone will give you a seat I've found - I did it myself last week and I have to admit it was very grudging just because I had been up since 5 with 2 children and feeling poorly myself and the woman wasnt that pg but huffed and puffed as she sat down and I just thought 'you think you're tired now...' it was 3 stops in of a 20 stop journey for me as well gah.

I'm 29 weeks and only been offered a seat twice. Both by women. I never took either of them although thanked them profusely hoping that it will gain me karma so that in a few weeks time when I REALLY need a seat people will offer me then. To be fair though to the commuters of london, I tend to stand at the doors and read my paper. It would probably be different if I stood in the aisle and huffed a lot.

Those baby on board badges are really only good for clearing up the 'pregnant or just a bit porky' dilemma but I reckon that by the time to need a seat, its so obvious that a badge isn't going to get people who wouldn't give up their seat for you anyway to do so.

What really gets my goat though are the grown men that will physically shove you out the way to get the last seat. That's just downright rude

Sneeze and wee on their feet.

That'll learn them

fgs, if you need a seat, ask. People won't always notice, some will but ignore you, but deep breath, 'could someone kindly offer their seat to a pg person, before i fall over?'

I find the biggest problem to be in the first trimester, when you don't look pregnant but feel like death. The budes could help then

On a serious note, I have never once had a request to "Please reach that, lift that, do that etc. etc. for me because I am pregnant" ever refused. Generally, people seem very happy to help if asked. I suppose its their 'good turn for the day'. I do think you have to ask though and then of course make a big fuss of them with thanks.

Funny, I've always found the train better than the tube. Did a lot of commuting from West Country to London and on several occasions when there weren't seats, the guard let me sit in first class

You are 28 weeks pregnant not ill! I expect there are plenty of non-pregnant people who could really do with a seat that don't get one either.