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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not want a strange child letting herself into my garden?

116 replies

mitochondria · 02/07/2010 19:27

We were sitting in the garden today, after school. There was a scrabbling noise. Gate opens. Small girl appears.

"My dad says I can come and play"

I don't know this child, although she lives in our street. She joined in with my boys last time they were cleaning the car on the drive with their dad. That day, she then came into our garden and started bouncing on our trampoline. I asked her if her parents knew where she was, so she went to tell them.

Today, we were just about to go and visit grandparents, who live locally, so told her it wasn't a good time.

"When will you be back? Can I come then?"

No, because then we will be eating our meal.

"What time will you be doing that? Can I come afterwards?"

No, because I want to spend time with my family. (I didn't say that last bit).

Girl is about 8 years old. My sons are 5 and 3. They don't know her either, she doesn't go to their school (different uniform).

Is this not a bit odd? I wouldn't let my boys go and pester some random family. Am worried now that she'll be turning up all summer.

Would it be unreasonable to bolt the gate from the inside so she can't get in?

Or is this just me being antisocial again?

Should I get rid of the trampoline?

OP posts:

5Foot5 · 04/07/2010 12:20

YANBU

This little girl does sound very lonely but, at risk of being another misery guts, why is this your problem?

If your DSs genuniely did want to play with her and her with them it might be different but this sounds to me like the parents are hoping that you will take her off their hands for a few hours free child care.

If they were really concerned about their little girl having company then they would make the effort themselves - maybe make themselves known to you and invite you and yous DSs round to play.

StayFrosty · 04/07/2010 12:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

mitochondria · 04/07/2010 13:25

Hello - haven't seen her this weekend. We've not really been in much though.

She's probably thinking "I won't go round there again, that woman was far too grumpy".

OP posts:

claig · 04/07/2010 13:52

she'll be back, she's going to be a high-flier one day, she doesn't take no for an answer, she knows all the tricks in the book, like

"My dad says I can come and play"

claig · 04/07/2010 13:56

William Brown and the Outlaws have got nothing on her

jabberwocky · 04/07/2010 14:14

I agree that you have to stand your ground with this. One of our neighbors wound up giving free childcare practically every afternoon to two little girls in addition to her two grandsons. It became a completely ridiculous and tiring situation for her and all because she was too nice in the beginning and then couldn't find a way to stop it.

Tanith · 04/07/2010 14:44

YANBU. I grew up on a council estate where all the kids played together in the street and in each other's gardens.
We never invited ourselves round to a stranger's house like this. It's completely different from going with a child you know to their house to play and meeting their parents for the first time. Your children didn't know her and probably wouldn't play with her anyway because she's 3 years older than them.

Unpleasant and intimidating for them. Nip it in the bud!

Kiwiinkits · 04/07/2010 22:01

I think you're being completely miserable. Don't you want to foster a sense of community? When your children are a bit older, don't you want them to know your neighbours? To trust them? To me, this girl's behaviour is completely normal. It's fine if it doesn't suit you at particular times, feel free to tell her that it doesn't suit, but for goodness sake at other times let the kid make friends and get to know her neighbours. And to the people being all cats-bum about 'free childcare', fgs, is THAT what it's come to? Tightness about "who's paying to supervise"? Kids learn by exploring and playing - LET THEM!

ludog · 04/07/2010 22:07

Yes, let them explore the neighbourhood, not some strangers fenced off private garden. Like it or not there are parents who let their children wander off to wreck play in everyone else's houses while they sit at home in the comfort of their own nice clean ones.

AnnieLobeseder · 04/07/2010 22:34

I still can't believe some people think it's OK for children to roam into gardens and just start playing with stuff, without any interest the children who live there, and without so much as a 'please may I?' That's not community spirit, it's trespassing!

As I and others have said, I'm happy for my children's friends, old and new, to come and go at all hours. I encourage DD1 to meet any new children who move into the area and invite them over.

But no way on gods green earth would I let a child just play in my garden for the sake of playing in my garden!

sherby · 04/07/2010 22:40

god we had this the other day

she was about 8 too and decided to get into the pool with our kids without her bloody clothes on

no probs with being naked our kids are all the time, but DH felt like he had to go sit inside, can you imagine if her parents had turned up and she was running around naked in front of a strange bloke

we sent her home at dinner time, but she just sat on the pavement outside waiting for us to finish

usualsuspect · 04/07/2010 22:52

yes call the police ..have her arrested for trespassing ..that will stop her

fyimate · 04/07/2010 22:54

@ Sherby's story, totally get your DH's response though.
There is actually a boy who is about 11 or so who I see on his bike or just wondering around alone at mine, he doesnt have any friends I dont think and if you're coming in/out he holds the door open for you, he's a really nice boy, he doesnt infringe on people. There's not many kids near my place.
Poor kid. Me and DP feel sorry for him.
He is bored but at least he doesnt turn that into pointless graffitti or damaging property.
I did actually once see him looking into someones van though...I think he was just curious.
Wouldnt mind knowing what he saw tbh that van is owned by a suspicious person

Original poster

mitochondria · 04/07/2010 23:07

Kiwi - of course I want my children to know their neighbours. They do know a lot of them already.

I also want them to have a basic grasp of manners, and some idea of what is and isn't appropriate behaviour.

Sherby - at the naked girl in swimming pool!

OP posts:

workedoutforthebest · 04/07/2010 23:13

When I first moved to my current address, within the first week, kids (about 3-6 years of age) were climbing over the fence and letting themself in through the gate and play with my children's toys It got ridiculos as I would be taking my 3 to the park and about 5 other kids would latch on. I felt like the pied-piper

I wasn't brave enough to say anything at first but after a while, I told the kids and their parents that if they wanted to play they were to knock on the door and ask politely.

it worked.

workedoutforthebest · 04/07/2010 23:16

...sorry about the typos, am due to give birth in about 5 days

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