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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not want a strange child letting herself into my garden?

116 replies

mitochondria · 02/07/2010 19:27

We were sitting in the garden today, after school. There was a scrabbling noise. Gate opens. Small girl appears.

"My dad says I can come and play"

I don't know this child, although she lives in our street. She joined in with my boys last time they were cleaning the car on the drive with their dad. That day, she then came into our garden and started bouncing on our trampoline. I asked her if her parents knew where she was, so she went to tell them.

Today, we were just about to go and visit grandparents, who live locally, so told her it wasn't a good time.

"When will you be back? Can I come then?"

No, because then we will be eating our meal.

"What time will you be doing that? Can I come afterwards?"

No, because I want to spend time with my family. (I didn't say that last bit).

Girl is about 8 years old. My sons are 5 and 3. They don't know her either, she doesn't go to their school (different uniform).

Is this not a bit odd? I wouldn't let my boys go and pester some random family. Am worried now that she'll be turning up all summer.

Would it be unreasonable to bolt the gate from the inside so she can't get in?

Or is this just me being antisocial again?

Should I get rid of the trampoline?

OP posts:

usualsuspect · 03/07/2010 15:42

Do children these days not play with the local neighbourhood kids anymore....mine all did ..thats how they made friends ...

AnnieLobeseder · 03/07/2010 15:46

usualsuspect - of course neighbourhood kids play together these days. My neighbourhood is lovely and full of roving groups of children.

What's weird here is that the girl doesn't know the OP's children, doesn't even play with them when she comes over, just their toys, and is quite considerably older. It's not a normal 'local kids playing in each other's gardens situation'!

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 03/07/2010 15:46

YANBU. My DC play out on our small estate with the neighbourhood children, but I very rarely have them in the house. I adore my own children, but other peoples...meh. I'd lock the gate, and keep making excuses until she finds someone else to pester.

dwpanxt · 03/07/2010 16:03

YANBU in not wanting a stranger to come in and poke around your garden. The fact that the stranger is young doesnt alter the fact that none of you know who she is or where she came from.

I too have held open house for neighbourhood kids . Its usual and normal for DCs friends to feel free enough to use your garden and toys as their own. Its an informal, unspoken but normally reciprocal arrangement.

This is not the same thing at all and I would soon lock the little madam out. I actually think its rather sad for the child as she has no boundaries set for her nor seemingly friends of her own to play with. In time you may get to know her and her family a bit better and could ask her to share your DCs playtime but for now its admission by invitation only.

more · 03/07/2010 16:05

Let us just say that this child is in a loveless home where she is booted out immediately after breakfast, if she is lucky enough to be allowed breakfast, just so the parents don't have to look after her, are you really going to feel good about your decision to bolt your doors, turn her the h...l away from your home and family, instead of giving her a wee breather and let her play with your family's precious toys? An 8 year old does not need that much supervision when on a trampoline (they know and understand the "rules"), and you can't say that if she is on it when your kids are on it that you would not be looking anyway.

If the only reason you are not going to allow her to play is that you are scared that if she is going to get hurt you don't know who to contact then act like an adult and go with the child and find out where she lives and get a contact no. It is a "probem" with an extremely simple solution.

If you don't like the kid then just say so, instead of making up excuses. Personality clashes happen,and you might as well get used to it, chances are your kids are going to want to play with lots of kids that you are going to find hard to like.

It does sound to me like it is the kid and the way her parents are raising her that is your actual problem here.

expatinscotland · 03/07/2010 16:13

YANBU.

AnnieLobeseder · 03/07/2010 16:19

more - that is a very sad situation, but why should it be the OP's problem? Perhaps it should be reported to social services.

Letting your children's friends come over to play is one thing, but taking in strange children who are not friends with your children just because their home situation might be difficult is not something everyone should be expected to do. I don't think the OP is making excuses at all, she just has a busy life of her own, and if she wanted to take in foster children she would do so through the proper channels.

hmc · 03/07/2010 16:20

"Let us just say that this child is in a loveless home where she is booted out immediately after breakfast, if she is lucky enough to be allowed breakfast, just so the parents don't have to look after her, are you really going to feel good about your decision to bolt your doors, turn her the h...l away from your home and family, instead of giving her a wee breather and let her play with your family's precious toys?2

Oh come on now, that doesn't make it the OPs responsibility to redress the balance

compo · 03/07/2010 16:22

If that was the situation I'd be more inclined to ring ss than let her bounce on my trampoline every afternoon

hmc · 03/07/2010 16:26

Quite

expatinscotland · 03/07/2010 16:26

Oh, and you can swear on here. You can write hell, damn, fuck, shit, cunt, cock, cocksucker, arse, arsehole, twat, twunt, prick, knob jockey, son of a bitch, bitch, mother fucker and anything else you can come up with.

For most people, if a child is in their home or gardens, they feel the need to look after that child.

The OP doesn't care to look after another child.

Although, OP, if I had a garden I'd have the gates bolted, too, to prevent escapes.

PeedOffWithNits · 03/07/2010 16:31

@ expat!

PeedOffWithNits · 03/07/2010 16:32

Oh and in my experience the kind of parents who turf their kids out and dont care wher they are would be the first to shout "I'm sueing you" if the kid hurt herself on your trampoline!!

ivykaty44 · 03/07/2010 19:01

peedofwithnit - you been sue a lot then? how much do these sued case usually get money wise?

fyimate · 04/07/2010 09:08

I'm interested to know if the OP has done anything yet?...Hope it all went/goes well.

SwansEatQuince · 04/07/2010 09:14

Could you write a note to her parents along the lines of 'During the holidays, we might be having days away and I am concerned if 'Stranger Child' comes in to our garden and harms herself on garden tools etc so would be happier if she played in her own garden'.

Then bolt the gates.

Poor little girl sounds very lonely and what are her parents thinking of letting her roam alone for hours?

MaudofallHopefulness · 04/07/2010 09:20

This would annoy me. It happens when we stay at my Mum's. DS is 2 years old and whenever the next door kids hear our voices in teh garden they scramble under the hedge to play in Mum's big garden. DS doesn't even play with them. It is really annoying as we feel we have to be quiet when we're there in case the kids from next door come in. They're a bit odd these kids anyway, they're home schooled and around 8 and 5 and don't really have normal social graces. The parents are very flakey and don't seem to even react when you talk to them.

I don't care if I'm called a misery guts, sometimes you can't be arsed looking after other people's kids.

biryani · 04/07/2010 10:20

Find out who the parents are and tell them. It's a good opportunity to get some additional friendships going and to be neighbouorly, even if it's a bit irritating. I'm actually quite envious that you live in a neighbourhood where children come and go like this - rather Enid Blyton, as one thread said!

MrsvWoolf · 04/07/2010 10:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GeekOfTheWeek · 04/07/2010 10:53

We regularly have about 6 extra children in our garden. It doesn't bother me as ds and dd love it and it is them who have invited them in.

However, I would be pissed off if random children just let themselves into my garden.

Tombliboob · 04/07/2010 11:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

CornishKK · 04/07/2010 11:13

YANBU.

All this hankering after days gone by, yeah we all used to be in and out of each others houses when we were children but our parents all knew each other, we went to the same school and were friends.

And that didn't stop Julie's Mum from telling me that it seemed a bit odd that I was suddenly far more friendly with Julie now they had a swimming pool. And that it wasn't very polite to only go to their house on sunny days....

Children do need to learn social boundaries at some point.

BuzzingNoise · 04/07/2010 11:20

YANBU. Bolt the gate and just keep saying no to her.

nicolamumof3 · 04/07/2010 11:21

YANBU i wouldn't want a child i didn't know or my children didn't know from a family i didn't know either in my garden. Bolt gate..end of!

StayFrosty · 04/07/2010 11:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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