Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off when people comment on my weight-loss?

112 replies

mosschops30 · 02/07/2010 10:35

I rang my friend yesterday and we were chatting and I said Id been shopping and bought jeans.
She huffed and said 'oh I suppose they were an 8 or a 10'
err yes they are!
Similarly met one of the mums from school who just been congratulated on being pg even though she's not and she said 'oh its alright for you youre skinny'.

The point is that Ive lost 3 stone since having a horrendous time with ds2.
And it hasnt fallen off whilst ive been sat on the sofa eating doritos, oh no its cost me a personal trainer, training 4-5 nights a week, eating 3 meals a day, cutting out all crap stuff, not eating carbs after lunch etc etc.

I feel like saying look I have to work to look like this, as most people do, it doesnt come naturally fgs. If I sat at home every night eating cake then I would look the same as you

its irrational I know but it really winds me up

OP posts:
pointydog · 02/07/2010 20:13

I'd just smile and feel good about myself. Your anger is wasted.

forehead · 02/07/2010 20:15

Sorry Mosschops, but i do think you are showing off just a teensy bit. I don't get the impression that any of the people you spoke to were being particularly nasty. I recently lost a lot of weight through hard work and determination and i have no problem with people suggesting that i am naturally skinny etc. Just admit it, you just wanted to boast about your weight loss.

lemonysweet · 02/07/2010 20:20

RubberDuck, exactly. some people dont seem to realise that a small size or large size can be someone's 'natural' size. my friend is a size 8 and 5"10 and has dealt with people accusing her of being anorexic and making silly comments all her life.
i am naturally a size 12 and my mother has all my life pressured me to lose weight. i got down to a size 8 and looked ill its different for everyone.

edam · 02/07/2010 20:24

you are dead right there, lemony. dh's sister once went on a radical diet and took it far too far - she looked ill, really gaunt. I'm fine at size 14 but look ruddy daft any smaller than that as my ginormous knockers don't go down in proportion - I look like a young Babs Windsor in that early Carry On film, only more so. (Sadly I'm not anywhere near a 14 at the moment and do really need to lose weight!)

SandyBits · 02/07/2010 20:26

I don't think mosschops is showing off. I've lost 5 stone recently, weight I put on when pg with ds and then when I had PND. I cringe when people comment on it tbh, as they all seem to want me to tell them some 'magic secret'. They all want to know How did I do it? I've had peopel tell me I'm lucky to be able to lose weight, which belittles the achievement really. No luck about getting serious with the diet and exercise. I decided to do it after I had addressed my PND which makes it a bit personal to talk about too. I've had peopel ask me if I'm eating or if I have an eating disorder. I've had peopel insist that if i refuse food in their company that I must have a problem. It gets wearing. The worst people are the people who could do with losing weight themselves. I have a friend who has steadily gained about 3 stone this year, and tbh I have found it very difficult to spend time with her recently due to her constant little niggly comments and not so well disguised 'skinny bitch' comments. People liek that see me as a mirror to their failure- I was able to do what they can't. And yes, when you put it like that, it does sound boastful but I don't mean it that way. If I'd seen this thread last year I'd have probably felt little sympathy. But, after going from a miserable size 20 to a full of confidence size 10, the one thing that shocks and saddens me is just how much vitriol is aimed at people who manage to lose weight. Jealousy pure and simple

iloveasylumseekers · 02/07/2010 20:35

@sandybits good on you. People can be so jealous. I'm where you used to be and tbh I love hearing about people who manage to do it, because sometimes it feels like I'll be a size 20 forever. When I was lost weight before (pre wedding) I had so many people tell me that I looked "gaunt" (I didn't; I was a 8 on top, 10 bottom, and my BMI was 23 so not exactly skinny). They're just not used to seeing you with a slim face/cheekbones/collarbones, plus it makes them feel better about being overweight themselves.

wubblybubbly · 02/07/2010 20:35

"Do we have to pretend that people who are bigger are naturally bigger and those who are smaller are naturally smaller? "

What a bloody cheek! A size 14 is my optimum size actually. Anything less and I'm all ribs and pin bones, not a nice look.

And no, I don't need to diet and work out at the gym. Just a healthy diet and an active lifestyle.

But congrats on your weightloss anyway.

AgentZigzag · 02/07/2010 20:39

'Sorry Mosschops, but i do think you are showing off just a teensy bit.'

Talking about what jeans you bought to a friend is hardly boasting is it? It was her friend who brought the size up.

The OP says she feels uncomfortable with the way people bring it up, but also having lost weight you say you don't, are you sure you don't have a smug look on your face when people are saying it to you?

SandyBits · 02/07/2010 20:44

ilove, I decided that just because I was fat didn't mean I had to stay fat. Less than 8 months it's taken me in all. And I'm so glad that whatever it was inside me just snapped- one day I just thought, enough of this shit. I deserve to lsoe the weight. So I did. Once you're in that mindset, you can't fail ime. I totally agree about people not having seen you skinny before- most of the people commenting have been the charming mothers at the school gate, who first saw me in September as a size 20. I like to think I've blossomed

Schulte · 02/07/2010 20:50

I think people shouldn't comment on other people's figures or weight at all. I mean you wouldn't walk up to someone and say 'wow, haven't you put on weight', so why comment when someone is skinny? They may not be happy with their figure despite being skinny. I don't get this obsession with weight.

Feelingsensitive · 02/07/2010 20:51

Congratulations to you all. This thread has really motivated me in my half arsed attempt to lose weight. Sandybits - your weight loss relaly stood out to me. Did you follow any particular diet/plan? Hope that doesnt sound too much like a 'tell me your secret comment' - Iam genuinely interested.

SandyBits · 02/07/2010 20:54

Idiot Proof Diet. Basically a low carb plan. I won't lie, I have been majorly stressed out this year and I think that probably contributed a bit, but all in all I credit that diet with the weight loss. It's a great book to read to get you in the right frame of mind to start losing weight, even if you don't end up following that plan. It's a very empowering thing, losing weight. And just to agree that you may be skinny but still not be happy I will have a saggy droopy belly and boobs forever more, and it does pee me off to get the 'you're a size 10, what do you have to worry about' comments.

Oblomov · 02/07/2010 20:56

there are loads of nasty comments on this thread.
especially those who accuse others of jealousy. how do you know its jealousy ? i have never ever been jealous of anyone who manages to lose weight.
I am currently trying to lose abit. have never needed to try before. but i don't have nasty thoughts towards anyone else. never.

SandyBits · 02/07/2010 20:58

oblomov, wait til you have lost the weight, and then see the comments you get. It is jealousy, sadly. Or, if we really want to psychoanalyse the people I have had comments from, it is their anger at themselves being directed at me. One freind in particular, we started the diet together. She gave up very quickly and is still now at her starting weight. I know she finds it very difficult not to make digs, it's like she doesn't even realise she's doing it

Feelingsensitive · 02/07/2010 20:58

Well done Sandy bits. Comfort yourself with the thought that I too have droopy boobs and stomach with a big roll of fat round the middle to accompany them . I will go and check out that book ......

YunoYurbubson · 02/07/2010 21:05

OP - YADNBU.

I lost a couple of stones recently. Went from a size 14/16 to a 10/12. I fucking hate it when EVERYBODY comments. My weight, whether descending or ascending, is my business.

One woman I barely know at dd's nursery took to greeting me "hello skinny minny!" every morning . Now that's just rude.

Everyone made such a bloody fuss about it. I did feel good because my clothes fit better and I felt fitter, but I also felt so self conscious the way everyone and his dog had something to say about it.

Also everyone wants to know how I did it... err... by being hungry ALL THE TIME and running 30k a week.

Telling people that you can only look like them if you never eat crisps or biscuits is humilliating. It's like having a BO problem, solving it, and everyone commenting on how you don't smell any more. I am still a fat person, I'm just a slim hungry one now, and it is still not okay to comment on that.

And now the weight has started to creep back and everyone is studiously silent and I KNOW that everyone has noticed and that they think less of me for it.

AgentZigzag · 02/07/2010 21:11

'I KNOW that everyone has noticed and that they think less of me for it.'

I really hope nobody would feel that about you yuno, and if they did it would be a reflection of them and not you!

How did you manage to keep your cool with the stoopid woman at the nursery?? Laughing through gritted teeth?

BendyBob · 02/07/2010 21:11

Yes, I seem to default to a size 14. I don't look too bad but I do prefer to be lighter and I have to put in some effort if I want to be so. I have to keep it up or back it goes (which some of it has)

I sort of know where you're coming from though Mosschops. I lost quite a bit about a year ago. It was nice that people noticed, but I found the constant mentioning, especially repeatedly, by one in particular, as a bit .

It wasn't as if I'd looked too hideous before (at least I hope not). And wanting to know how much I'd lost - exactly how much - all the flippin time and introducing me to people as this woman who had 'Lost Weight' - it was sort of patronising. I would even bump into people who had heard about it. It was uttrly ridiculous. I'd lost about 2.5 stone not 25 stone.

I was running a lot. I heard every possible jokey aside about it so much I ran out of witty comebacks.

I think weight is a personal (and often sensitive) thing. I have put some back on. It feels worse because no doubt that has been 'noticed' too by those that went on relentlessly at me when I was lighter.

On a subconcious level, I wonder if being in the spotlight suddenly over my appearance has made me so concious I have sort of retreated back to what I was and sabotaged my efforts for some peace

Fruitpastels · 02/07/2010 21:14

I've been a size 8 all of my adult life. I'm 5.1, petite build, healthy BMI and had 2 DC. Gained a little more weight after DS2, but still slim. I don't need to diet and in fact have to eat loads to keep my weight on. I've had some very nasty comments in my time. Some of which have made me cry and feel uncomfortable in my own skin. I have the confidence now to tell anyone to stick their opinion if its negative. I've never and will never make a comment to a women about their weight, unless it was positive.

BendyBob · 02/07/2010 21:14

YunoYurbubson - I completely identify with your post

swallowedAfly · 02/07/2010 21:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Oblomov · 02/07/2010 21:21

The fact is that Op, as a size 8, in the UK, is not the norm. There is one lady in our school playground who is an 8. 1 of 60. no one makes nasty comments. majority of them women are a size 12. or 12-14. some are bigger. some are smaller. doesn't bother any of us, i don't think.
i take on board sandybits comments. if i do maage to lose any weight. if people start to treat me like dirt, i'll let you know.
i'll start a thread

wubblybubbly · 02/07/2010 21:23

"i really don't like the bitchy comments about people looking ill or gaunt and the suggestion that under a size 14 you're all ribs and pin bones etc."

Dunno if that's in response to my earlier comment? FWIW I said that I was all ribs and pin bones at less than a size 14. Nowt bitchy about it.

Rockbird · 02/07/2010 21:23

Well I am absolutely jealous of anyone who loses weight. My bf and I were always overweight, then I lost loads and she didn't. Now she has lost loads and I've put it all and more back on. We had a confession session a while back and she said she really hated me when I lost the weight, it made her feel awful about herself. I feel exactly the same way now. Luckily we're best friends and know each other really well so it's not an issue but I can absolutely see how successful weight loss would make others feel bad.

I'm not condoning any of that you understand, just saying I can understand where the op's 'friends' are coming from. It's not right though but I suspect it's human nature.

And well done to everyone on here who has lost weight, I really admire people who can, I have done in the past and know how hard it is.

edam · 02/07/2010 21:24

The ribs and pin bones comment was someone talking about their own body, fgs. People are ALLOWED to describe themselves in any terms they like, you know. And I was describing my SIL who did look ill. I saw her, you didn't. She was very underweight which was wrong for her. Someone else with a different frame and different height might well look fine at whatever weight she was then, but she didn't.