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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be mortified at ds behaviour at pre school today. he showed another boy his privates.

132 replies

cocopear · 01/07/2010 18:29

picked ds up from pre school earlier. he is 4. his teacher took me aside and said that she had to put him in time out today because he and another boy were "touching inappropriate places" it turns out they had shown eachother their privates.

i am mortified, embarassed and angry. i dont know what to think, why has he done this?? he is not normally naughty, he is a very normal, happy, well balanced and generally well behaved little boy.

now all sorts is going through my mind, i am so worried as to why he might have done this??

i asked my dp (his stepdad) to have a word with him, which he now has. as i was so angry and embarassed i just did not know how to deal with it.

OP posts:
TheLadyEvenstar · 01/07/2010 22:17

Maisie thankyou!!!

mattahatta · 01/07/2010 22:18

completely normal, my son has got it out at several 'work' family get togethers... imagine myu DPs horror the first time this happened and it caused his boss's son to do the same! they now seem to see it as a normal greeting (the boys not the dads- thank god!) and whip down their trousers every time they see each other!

mattahatta · 01/07/2010 22:19

Faddle well said I agree the preschool were wrong for putting him on time out- its this type of thing that leads people to feeling awkward about their bodies and sex as they get older!

archstanton · 01/07/2010 22:27

YABU. As a teacher and a mother I can testify that it's perfectly normal. In fact I'd go as far as to say it's common not just with the boys either.

When my DS was 4yrs, he decided he was going to try and get his willy in his mouth. He was bent over double, jaws wide, pulling his willy up towards his mouth. Never quite reaching of course.

I just gave him a tedious sort of look and told him nature had made that impossible in order to ensure procreation!

CardyMow · 01/07/2010 22:47

DS2 (6.5yo) yelled at me from the upstairs bathroom this weekend...I ran up there thinking he had hurt himself, but noooo, he just wanted to show me that he had made his willy waggle...cue yet another talk about how it's fine to do this, but in private, and Mummy doesn't really need to see it....

Easywriter · 01/07/2010 22:49

Ah! Bless you! I don't even have any boys but having observed my friends boys this is DEFINATELY normal behaviour.

I can't understand why the pre-school teacher handled it so badly. It's one thing to say what they were doing and could you explain that at pre-school is not an appropriate place to do it, but not that "they were touching inappropriate places". How can their own bodies be inappropriate?

Ignore her, I think it was a mistake to put him in time out. (Not punishable in my book) and to be honest she's robbed you of a bloody good laugh! (as all my friends have had observing their sons discovering their bodies).

Please ignore her, give your son a big cuddle and explain that maybe he shouldn't do that at pre-school and then dine out on the experience and laugh about it!

musicposy · 01/07/2010 23:05

I worked with reception age children (4 -5s) for many years and I can say definitely normal. I would think the preschool teacher is a bit inexperienced - and should have dealt with it better. I don't think time out is really appropriate for this because it makes too much of a big thing of it. The key as a teacher is to play it down and make it sound very uninteresting as behaviour! Changing for PE was usually the time when one of the boys would suddenly think it was a great idea to get his willy out . I'd usually just say "no one wants to see your willy, put it away" in a very bored voice and leave it at that. The bored tone was always enough to diffuse the situation.

I don't think you have to deal with it, and certainly not in a harsh way or a way that will make him think he's done anything awful. At most just tell him that willies are private things and it's not really the done thing to get it out at preschool.

I would be more cross with the nursery, tbh, for making too much of what is a very common occurence at this age.

TheLadyEvenstar · 01/07/2010 23:05

DS2 is forever plopping his willy out actually he is normally naked indoors even when we have company the boy is a nudist.

Easywriter · 01/07/2010 23:09

TheLadyEvenStar - It's all good so long as you don't adopt an 'if you can't beat 'em, join 'em' attitude at your house

TheLadyEvenstar · 01/07/2010 23:12

tut easy you mean I have to get dressed ???

the other week DP took DS2 to the toilet in Mothercare they walked through the changing/feeding room where there were 3 mums into the cubicle, dp shut the door and DS2 said

"Daddy you hold your willy now and have wee wee"

DP returned to me rather red faced......I am still giggling about it.

OneWaySystemBlues · 01/07/2010 23:41

This thread is cracking me up and reminds me of when my son, now 13, was about 3. He was in the bath and rolled his willy up and said, "look mummy, a snail!". Still makes me laugh!

oxeye · 01/07/2010 23:58

It's totally normal. My DS is very proud of his. He thinks it's a shame I don't have one too - "Mummy, it's so useful, you should get one and you could wee standing up too"

... he might have a point

ruthosaurus · 02/07/2010 00:03

Anyone else have trouble getting their DC's hands off their privates long enough to change a nappy? Poor DS is probably going to potty train early just to have the freedom to fiddle.

On occasion DH or I have been known to call for backup to entertain the top end long enough to keep his tiny hands out of there while all is still covered in poo.

God help us when he's 3: sandwiches and pencils will only be the start of it...

Dollytwat · 02/07/2010 00:35

all normal I think

My DS2 who is 5 came home the other day, the happiest I have ever seen him. He was even singing in a Spongebob kind of way 'the best day ever'

So, curious as to what had made him soooo happy, he said that Michael had shown him his willy and he'd shown him his. It was a firm statement of friendship to him.

Then a few days later another boy had shown his willy and I was told that people's willy's are the same colour as their skin everywhere else.

I've not made a fuss. I've pointed out that I don't show my fanjo to my friends, and they still like me and I have NO wish to see theirs.

But I think it's all just curious boyish innocence.

I did ask him what he thought the head mistress would say if she caught them, and he was horrified. I happen to know she is gay and would handle the whole thing better than I ever would I'm sure!

whatdoesntkillyou · 02/07/2010 00:52

I agree with the other posters who have said this is normal and should he should not have been punished. Its an old school approach and smacks of an attitude where people are encouraged to feel ashamed of their bodies.

Little boys think their willies are fab. To them they are interesting dangly bits that they can wee standing up with. They don't have any concept of the sexual context of a willy.

My DS keeps saying "when I grow bit and strong I will get a big willy like daddy" . I just ignore the comment!!

Animation · 02/07/2010 07:07

I too agree it's normal. It's not good for the adults to be angry and shame him though.

Morloth · 02/07/2010 08:07

We were on a train to Florence once (yeah yeah I know) the female friend we were travelling with had DS (about 2.5yrs) on her lap showing him the things we were going to see when we got there.

There was a photo of the David statue in the book and DS said in a very excited loud voice "Look! He has a big Willy! Just like Daddy!".

Not sure who went redder, my friend or DH. SIL and I couldn't stop giggling for about a week. I think the American tourists across the aisle were mildly scandalised though.

diddl · 02/07/2010 08:18

"You don't know what you are talking about diddl"

Oh, OK then

Obviously my son, his friends and all the boys I looked after at pre school aren´t normal then!

I do agree that OPs son shouldn´t have been told off.

" I think you haven't been watching very closely then, Diddl. "-or perhaps they were fully entertained & this didn´t occur to them?

Morloth · 02/07/2010 08:20

I have never met a boy who wasn't interested in his willy and thought everyone was just as interested.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 02/07/2010 08:30

ruthosaurus - that is a daily occurence here! As soon as his nappy is off his hands are down there like a shot and he's laughing his head of saying 'leave it alone, leave it alone' which is what DH and I say

He likes to stretch it out in a way that makes DH's eyes water!

emptyshell · 02/07/2010 08:31

Morloth I've not met many men who don't think their willy is the centre of the universe either!

BigWeeHag · 02/07/2010 08:36

I was on a course once with a woman who stated with authority that a 10 month old child playing with his willy would be a definite sign of abuse. Seriously. I was at her, she had 3 sons!

Just a body part.

NestaFiesta · 02/07/2010 09:06

In Steve Biddulph's Book, "Raising Boys" he says that boys have a testosterone surge around the age of four, which explains the interest in superheroes and boyish wrestling and shoutiness. It might also explain willy fascination. I agree OP's DS shouldn't have been admonished. It was a first and he is on a big learning curve.

When I had my 20 week scan for DS they couldn't see his genitals as he had his hand over them "Its a boy then" I stated, and I was right.

You can't fight nature.

PS ROFL at colditz and the ham sandwich on page 1, I nearly peed myself laughing.

mrswill · 02/07/2010 09:22

Op, I think the worker completely overreacted. How long has she worked with children??!

Both boys an girls are interested in their private parts, but boys do seem extra specially interested in theirs.

We caught my 3 year old nephew smothering his bits in brown sauce at a family barbecue, and proudly showing it off to my 2 year old dd and niece. Your ds is completely normal.

cory · 02/07/2010 10:05

Well, I think you have learnt your lesson, OP: this particular nursery worker is not to be trusted on any aspect of childcare.

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