to be mortified at ds behaviour at pre school today. he showed another boy his privates.

[cocopear]

picked ds up from pre school earlier. he is 4. his teacher took me aside and said that she had to put him in time out today because he and another boy were "touching inappropriate places" it turns out they had shown eachother their privates.

i am mortified, embarassed and angry. i dont know what to think, why has he done this?? he is not normally naughty, he is a very normal, happy, well balanced and generally well behaved little boy.

now all sorts is going through my mind, i am so worried as to why he might have done this??

i asked my dp (his stepdad) to have a word with him, which he now has. as i was so angry and embarassed i just did not know how to deal with it.

Yes & have worked with young children also.

I know they are obsessed with their willies, but not known them to go around showing each other in such a situation.

Unless it happened in the toilets.

diddl - I worked in a pre-school room in a nursery and never had a week where I didn't have a word with some child (boys and girls) about keeping their knickers on/hands out of pants/not weeing in the playground/not chasing girls with their willy/not touching each other's bits!

Just to add that I too think the 'teacher' must be inexperienced as it is totally normal for children to be absolutely fasinated by their bits. My three dds still sit and stare at each others bits and they are a lot older than your ds, and they do some totally inappropriate 'dancing' showing their bits in the living room. They are so proud of their female parts!!!

I think its healthy to be fasinated and proud of their bodies. Nothing to be ashamed of in their body and nudity.

Will just need to be channelled at some point! I would object if my oldest 8 year old dd got her bits out in Sainsburys but am happy for her to at home, and love the fact that she is happy to be inspected by the other younger dds to see how she is developing. They give her developing parts the same attention as they would an ant farm or something equally fasinating. At least when it is their turn it will all seem totally normal!

Oh dear you're on most active currently. Prepare for flaming!

DS' school had similar issue, I assume, though they never told us, But they clearly did a big "bums fannies, willies" etc are private. Clearly worked and we reinforce it at home now we know!

TBH Was a bit sad when he came volunteering the private thing and suddenly stopped being happy to have his pants changed in public as and when no matter who was watching.

But "private" worked as an appropriate word for making his age group understand, without making them think their "privates" are bad in any way.

Good luck

Had to chuckle at 'All of my friends, particularly the boys, used to take great delight in showing everybody their willies from the ages of 4 until about 7' Having visions of the girls showing off their willies too!

chill!!!! its very very normal, dont over dramatise

little boys love their willies

My DS2 once asked to hold my wedding ring. Can you guess where he then put it?

The nursery teacher was BU and you are also BVU. He is only 4, if he was 10,youd be right to be worried!
This is normal behaviour,regardless of whether he has done it before or not. Little dc are naturally very curious re their "bits"
There is no need to be mortified or to be angry with him, and make him feel awful.A gentle explanation re not showing other people his willie and only looking/touching it in his room or bathroom would have been plenty.
Why not laugh it off with him, and apologise for getting so cross, and enjoy the rest of the evening.

"DS' school had similar issue, I assume, though they never told us, But they clearly did a big "bums fannies, willies" etc are private. Clearly worked and we reinforce it at home now we know!"
After reading that it has just occured to me why DS always moans about wanting "peace and quiet" when he is sitting on the toilet!
I told him he could have it when he affords me such luxury!

Sorry meant to add, perfectly normal, playschool worker was very unreasonable.

YABU and so is the nursery. He is only 4 and its completely normal. My DD is the same age and has seen and done similar things at school. I wonder if the nursery had reacted more calmly about it whether you would have shrugged it off as well. I dont think his SD should be the one to talk to him. IMO you need a calm chat about how that area is private. I would also consider having a chat with the nursery as I dont think it was reasonable of them to punish him for this.

Having just returned from a weekend with friends where my DS and her DS 5, and 5.5 respectively spent every moment getting changed, bathing, paddling commending each others billyballs, willies, winkies etc, pulling them, popping them out at the tea table, swinging them in the bath, slapping them (only their own), tugging them, discussing them, singing songs about them and making the "little man" come out from inside I can assure you it's completely normal behaviour. To be told it's naughty to show a curiosity in your own body seems like a very wrong road to walk down.

Surely pulling them aside for a quiet chat about respecting your bodies but keeping your private areas private. Or, like my friend and I, just ignoring it would lead to a healthier respect?

zapostrophe I am billing you for a new keyboard as I have just spat tea over mine after reading your post.

Where there's a blame there's a claim.

When DS1 was in Reception the boys had a game....who could shoot the furthest...and no they didn't have nerf guns just a group of 4 or 5 little boys of 4yrs old seeing who could wee the furthest.

What did I do to deal with it??

Nothing they all grew out of it soon enough.

My eldest is a DD aged 5. A couple of weeks ago she came home to tell me that "girls have willies too, little willies." It seems she and a friend had been examining each other VERY closely in the school toilets and had concluded that they had them but they hadn't grown yet.
So it's definitely not just the boys...

LOL @ zapostrophe and IfancyKevinElvin

Just a quick question then for you ladies in the know.. DD (4.5) is interested in her bits, of course, and likes to have a fiddle and er...sometimes prod it with stuff (this evening in the bath, it was the tail of a small plastic dinosaur being used for this purpose).

So...I don't ever tell her it's dirty or wrong in any way but do tell her it's a private thing. Is it also ok to ask her not to do it front of me? I sometimes get a bit distracted by it e.g. the time I was reading her a story and looked down to notice she had hold of a toggle attached to my clothing and was stroking herself with it. I find that sort of thing a bit annoying, TBH, but I don't want her to feel bad about her body.

Does anyone else have a 47 year old husband who, whilst not in the habit of showing it to colleagues at work, doesn't seem to have lost any of the fascination for his willy that he did when he was 4?

Olifin - I think it's fine to tell her that it's something private to do on her own in her room, but not in front of other people.

Maisie.......can i have DP back now please???

This thread is just hilarious. OP, its totally normal for kids to be curious about their own bodies, and each others. The nursery worker was out of order to give a preschool child time out for something like this, and if it had happened to my child, I would have been very angry. All kids play with themselves, its just the rules.
I do remember being mortified at the christmas concert last year though, as DS who was in the front row of the choir spent the whole time either with his hand in his pocket playing with his willy or picking his nose and eating it. My only consolation was that most of the rest of the front row of small boys were doing much the same.

TheLady - I'm sending him back right now...with his hands washed, of course