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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

lonely day again!

48 replies

packbell · 30/06/2010 11:48

Feel really lonely today! Anyone else feel the same?

Got no family near by to call on, so called friends never seem to come and knock on my door to see how I am, it's always me making the effort!!

I'm thinking anything could happen to me between the school run 9 to 3 and no-one would even notice!!

Anyone else in the same boat??

OP posts:

Original poster

packbell · 30/06/2010 12:01

ok I really am alone!!!!!!!

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Daffydilly · 30/06/2010 12:03

I've recently started working from home and somedays find that much harder than others. I'm nearly always on my own all day but it's whether or not you mind it that determines how lonely you feel. Have you got children at home? Can you go out at all?

mumblechum · 30/06/2010 12:04

If I were you I'd go out somewhere. I do know what you mean, when my ds was a baby I'd go to the corner shop just to have someone to chat to.

mumblechum · 30/06/2010 12:05

Any chance of you getting one of those gold dust 9-3 jobs?

trixie123 · 30/06/2010 12:06

sorry to read your post. How old are you DCs? Can you maybe approach a mum at the school gate and suggest a coffee date or something? Maybe they are sitting at home too thinking no one knocks my door - someone has to make the first move. Is hard though. My DS is still a baby so lots of groups to go and things but can imagine it will be harder when he is older and in school (though will prob have to go back to work then!)

Original poster

packbell · 30/06/2010 12:14

My DCs are 6 and 17mths,yes I do go to groups but still feel lonely at home!!

Just going to lunch then decided to go to a local group this afternoon instead of putting little legs to bed for a sleep!! Even if she falls asleep in pram at least I'll have some company.

I am trying to make friends invite people round for coffee but finding it really hard, it's almost like I fear the rejection.

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QuickLookBusy · 30/06/2010 12:19

I have days like that!

DDs both at school, DH works away all week, most friends work, relatives miles away.

I find I really need to make the effort to plan things to do, or I get very down. I know its a cliche but join some groups, speak to people and you will eventually find a nice friend or two. Im not a very sociable person, but I force myself!

Its such a lovely day, have lunch, if you have DC at home, take them out, just for a walk or to the park. If Dc at school, pick them up and take them out for a treat.

Also I do try to think how lucky I am that i dont have to work in a job I hate, as two of my friends do. They are relly envious of me!!

Kathyjelly · 30/06/2010 12:21

Packbell, you're not alone, we're all out here!

Yes, five days out of five are like that for me too. And since my DS is too young to talk and my DP is out Tuesday & Thursday until after we go to sleep, I doubt anyone would notice if anything happened, regardless of the hour.

You need to go out. I go swimming, or take piles of my dp's endless accumulated crap to the tip or charity shop. Check out the village notice board and find someone who needs some help.

It's bloody ludicrous. Imagine the skills and creativity that are going to waste.

QuickLookBusy · 30/06/2010 12:21

Sorry x posted!!

jenroy29 · 30/06/2010 12:22

I'm in your boat, that's why I'm on here. I did meet quite a few other mum's doing little courses at my kids school and of course walking to and from school there is a bit of a gang of us that walk the same way and we all chat. But I haven't got any proper friends that I can share secrets with anymore and at the moment dp is working a lot of hours.
I'm dreading the summer holidays because for a month of it I will be stuck in the house with only the dcs for company.
I'm the sort of person who talks to random strangers about the weather just to have a conversation or I'll comment on the length of the post office queue.

jenroy29 · 30/06/2010 12:27

Are you on the MN local thing?

Original poster

packbell · 30/06/2010 12:36

No jenroy how do I get on there, thank you for your reply, it's nice to know there is other people out there feeling the same.

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DorisIsAPinkDragon · 30/06/2010 12:38

Must the day for it I've posted something very similar in chat a couple of hours ago.... you're most definitely not on your own.

I'd love some girly friends

jenroy29 · 30/06/2010 12:42

click on local at the top, out in where you are and then there is a section meet a mum they also have listings for stuff that is on in your area which you can add too (like the playgroups you go to etc.). Have you found it?

QueenofDreams · 30/06/2010 12:42

Packbell I'm the same - I've tried, I really have. But it just hasn't happened for me. There's two ladies that will do stuff with me if I make the effort, but they never EVER just get in touch and invite me to do something. Doesn't help that they now live in each other's pockets, and I wonder what I've done wrong and why I'm some kind of social pariah. I feel like I'm doing DS no favours as he's such a sociable boy, and I've given up because I just can't take it any more.

nymphadora · 30/06/2010 12:47

Me too!

I'm off sick and v keen to go back to work just for the company

School run is just about keeping me sane. Weekend was difficult too with dh at work & kids at their Dads so even less company.

QuickLookBusy · 30/06/2010 12:49

Agree SO MUCH with Kathy, there is so much talent going to waste!

Am going to sound like my mother now, but here goes- as my DD1 is about to start uni, and the other has just finished GCSE (Hurrah!) I am looking back fondly at the days when they were little and wish, sometimes, that we had those days back.

Your children will be at secondry school before you know it! Enjoy these precious years, it can be hard being at home, but you will beable to look back and know you could be there for your DC.

QuickLookBusy · 30/06/2010 12:58

I know exactly what you mean with the friends thing. I moved areas when DDS were young and found it so hard to make friends because of the cliques

I once came back from a mother and toddlers in tears cos everyone made it obvious they didnt want me joining in. (We had moved to a very small village) My DH made me go back, he said I had as much right to be there as anyone else and so did our DD. Eventually new people joined and I made friends with them and so did my DD.

Its actually made me a beter person, Im the first to approach someone new in any situation and make them feel welcome.

Original poster

packbell · 30/06/2010 13:18

Thank you jenroy will have a look at that later!

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Original poster

packbell · 30/06/2010 17:23

Went to stay and play session in our village this afternoon which was nice only a few mums there but it was good!

Then went to out of school club which i go to weekly the trouble is mums are all in their little groups!! If your face doesn't fit which mine doesn't because I had a falling out with one of these mums a few years ago, and the other mums always seem to follow the leader!!

I got friendly with one of these mums at another group hae been to hers for a coffee/ her childs second birthday party, just on leaving the group I suggested we meet up next week out and about or she comes to mine for a coffee did not get a good response just we'll see!!

Should I ask again or just leave it??

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singsinthebath · 30/06/2010 17:31

packbell - if MN local doesn't have that many listings for groups in your area, then netmums have often got better local listings.

Also some NCT websites/magazines have lots of activities listed. Or try the library.

I remember i used to find it hard walking into a playgroup where everyone knows each other (and I'm quite a confident person). Instead (if you can afford them) structured activities such as Tumbletots/Jo Jingles or similar can be easier. And you can gradually get to know the people in the group. It's a bit like going on a first date - it's easier to do something like bowling so you have an activity to get the conversation flowing.

jendot · 30/06/2010 17:36

We have just move to a new area and my kids are school age so not much scope for meeting other mums. I also work from home so am here all day by myself.

I have met one lovely 'net mum' who I have met up with a few times. I went to a cupcake making class today. We have joined the local church. I have put the kids on the beavers waiting list....I'm looking at the college prospectus to try and find a class for september. It's about doing lots of little steps to integrate yourself in your community. I have no friends at the moment...but I WILL make some. They won't come to me...I have to go and seek them out!

Don't be lonely go out and find company.

PS- I am about the shyest person going and it's no excuse!!!

Original poster

packbell · 30/06/2010 17:38

thankyou singsinthebath for your advice, dh not home tonight so I'm going to sit down when dcs are in bed and have a look at these.

Mumsnet is a god send for advice you really do think your the only person feeling like this, mumsnet is a great comfort!! Thanks again

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Casserole · 30/06/2010 17:44

Whereabouts are you? Bet someone on here reading will be nearby...

Original poster

packbell · 30/06/2010 17:53

I'm in grimsby area!

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