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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

lonely day again!

48 replies

packbell · 30/06/2010 11:48

Feel really lonely today! Anyone else feel the same?

Got no family near by to call on, so called friends never seem to come and knock on my door to see how I am, it's always me making the effort!!

I'm thinking anything could happen to me between the school run 9 to 3 and no-one would even notice!!

Anyone else in the same boat??

OP posts:

nannynick · 30/06/2010 17:59

Went to stay and play session in our village this afternoon which was nice only a few mums there but it was good!

Packbell - Least your village has that. The village I work in doesn't have much at all, come to think of it there isn't even a shop to buy milk - only a specialist plant nursery and a CountryWide store. Such is rural life I suppose - hang on, it's less than 25 miles from London!

Something to help you think positively... there is at least one thing you have in common with these other mothers - you are a mum. I'm not! I'm not even the right gender. No wonder I find it hard to meet new people.

muffint · 30/06/2010 18:51

UR definitely not alone in this. Agree, found it much easier to make friends at small group activities - gymtots and swimming lessons where people don't come in their cliques. Also now I've set up a few things for the week don't seem to be relying on waiting for people to call so much. Hope you feel better tomorrow.

Original poster

packbell · 30/06/2010 20:09

nannnynick, yes we are lucky we have these groups, but often mums come to these groups in cliques that s the down side!!!

OP posts:

littlepalaces · 30/06/2010 21:34

Please don't give up on toddler groups etc, even if you meet one friendly face it's a start. I am mum of older dcs but still have lonely days since I don't fit the 'gym and moaning about husband' stencil. I have observed many a face glazing over when I talk about a radio prog or similar. Friends are out there, I'm sure.

singsinthebath · 01/07/2010 00:08

Wouldn't it be amazing if someone walked into a cliquey toddler group tomorrow and just shouted: "FFS someone talk to me". I wonder if they realise they are being so rude to ignore newcomers.

Casserole · 01/07/2010 10:01

I'm not in Grimsby, sadly, otherwise I'd take you out for a coffee! But I am hundreds of miles away..... hopefully someone else will be though

maltesers · 01/07/2010 10:14

Hi PBell you are not alone. I am a SAHM and i shouldnt be really cos my youngest is 9yrs and at school all day till 4.10pm.
My older two of 19 and 22 yrs have left home and i suppose i am used to it and fill my day with shopping, gym, swimming, house chores.
I do hospital voluntary work but its only two hours on a monday.
The mums at school are nice enough but not that friendly.

I did invite one boy to play but his mother never got back to me about it. It hurts somewhat, but i know its not me that is the problem, they are just too busy with their working lives and other things i guess. My house is tiny and my DS is at private school, so i s'pose they all live in large homes with pools, tennis courts and huge garden. I have a back yard the size of a bathroom. Know it sounds silly but i would be embarrassed if some of the really weathly mums saw my matchbox house. !!
I know exactly what you are feeling. Just join as many playgroups as possible , and activities whether its for the kids or for adults. We mnetters are here for you to chat to XXX

maltesers · 01/07/2010 10:15

Same here Casserole i am in Wiltshire. . otherwise coffee her too !!!!!!!

JuicyLips · 01/07/2010 10:15

am in the same boat. all my friends with kids live miles away and there isnt many clubs about here. feel like I have cabin fever at the moment.

JuicyLips · 01/07/2010 10:18

Dorset for me.

maltesers · 01/07/2010 10:19

Hello dorset Juicylips. . .where abouts. ??

stripeytiger · 01/07/2010 10:20

Sorry to hear you're feeling lonely Packbell, I hope you can find some nice groups to join soon. I get a bit like that sometimes, you are definitely not alone in how you are feeling.

Singinthebath - just pmsl at your post. Can you imagine the faces on them. Actually felt like shouting that outside school yesterday - had bad case of PMT and wanted to tell other mums how cliquey and rude they are.

turkeyboots · 01/07/2010 10:21

Another one in the same boat. I work from home so can't really go out much during the day. Would be lovely to have someone who'd drop by for a coffee. Have got to know some people, but all playdates/coffee things are all organised weeks in advance, so no sponitanity.

In Wiltshire if anyone fancies a cup of tea and will ignore the state of the house!

stripeytiger · 01/07/2010 10:25

Maltesers don't be embarrassed by the size of your house. It doesn't matter whether you have a matchbox or a mansion it's what happens inside that matters. My lovely auntie used to live in an upstairs flat with 3 growing children, but the welcome and the atmosphere you got there was amazing. Kettle was always on,always a houseful of people, someone had always popped in for a quick chat and ended up staying for tea and home made scones - it wouldn't have been the same in a big poncy house somehow.

maltesers · 01/07/2010 10:33

Hi Turkeyboots. . . .where in Wilts are you ? I am in Salisbury .

newmum13 · 01/07/2010 10:37

in the same boat here, new baby and on mat leave. previously used to loads of people around. to add to the discmfort, i'm new to where i live as well and making friends is soooo hard, i'm a bit on the shy side

turkeyboots · 01/07/2010 10:45

In glamerous Swindon here.

JuicyLips · 01/07/2010 10:47

near dorchester maltesers so still quite far from you.

newmum have lived in my area for nearly ten years, since I was about 14 but I still am no good at plucking up the courage to talk to people. My close friends have all moved much further so its just as hard to meet up with the old ones.

VelmaKelly · 01/07/2010 11:29

In the same boat here. I go to Playgroup and swimming with DD's and have tried gymbaroo and music classes, but have few friends, all of whom are busy. To top it off DD1 (3) is really pushing boundaries and everything is NO and Don't Want That. It's all very negative....

purplehonesty · 01/07/2010 12:16

I've just moved area so tend to stalk people with babies!...there are a few mums that live here with wee ones (quite a rural area) so I went out and about with the buggy and knocked on their door and its been really successful.
Our architect mentioned he had a baby the same age as ours so i asked him to give his wife my number and we've met up every week since then.
At my first toddler group I was really nervous so went and spoke to the old lady that do the tea and she realised it was my first week so she took me round and introduced me to everyone...oh you must meet so and so she lives near you etc etc.

Anyone in the highlands north of inverness who fancies a cuppa get in touch!

Original poster

packbell · 01/07/2010 12:51

morning all I have forced myself today to get myself out there!!!

Walked home with a couple of mums from school this morning we stood chatting for ages which was nice, anyway we arranged to meet to all walk to school later!! Will make a change from walking on my own!

On a thursday I would normally go to a group with a couple of so-called friends, well they were'nt going today so I still went and force myself to talk to some of the other mums. Had a good pleasent morning.

Going to try and do a couple of things a week I think, going to get in touch will my local surestart to see what they have to offer!!

I can't believe there's so many of us out there feeling the same way, that as taken the edge of my loneliness to know I'm not alone xx

OP posts:

jenroy29 · 01/07/2010 13:00

Well done, pat yourself on the back!

Casserole · 01/07/2010 19:18

Well done

I'm loving this thread. I met one of my best friends by putting something similar on the net whenI was pg with DS.

I also used to go and have a cup of tea in coffee shops and try and start up chats with other Mums with children similar ages, work out if they were local and if they were, and they seemed nice, suggest at the end we swapped numbers!! It was like dating!

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