Priorities...where do I fit in?

[bananalover]

Okay, so DH just gone out to the pub to play skittles, like he does every week. Has also just informed me that, not only will he be playing golf on Thursday evening, but he will be playing tommorow afternoon as well.
Fine, in normal circumstances, because as he says 'but I always play golf on wednesday'.
But tommorrow is NOT normal circumstances, tommorrow is my birthday, and he is playing golf (then coming home to expect his dinner ready, and a 'relaxing' evening in front of TV.
Has made no effort whatsoever to make arrangments to take me anywhere.
I cannot remember last time he took me anywhere, and he even had the bloody cheek to ask me if I was taking HIM anywhere!
He always expects my mum to babysit, but she has recently come out of hospital and is far too weak yet to cope with our bouncy kids.
AIBU in expecting him to at least not play golf, and look after the kids while I go out for the day? I mean, if he can take time off work for golf, surely he could do same for me?
Sorry if I am rambling but feel so dissapointed and am not looking forward to Bday...same shit different day

I can't believe he would actually do this to you!

Do you think he's trying to put of scent, maybe he has a magical day planned, and this is all part of it?

Aw banana yrnbu. Has he remembered?

I think you definately deserve a day out! Kick him!!

That's what I'd assume/hope OTT - but just in case he was a plonker and had forgotten, I'd let him squirm a little by saying tonight "I know I might be spoiling the surprise, but can't wait to see what we're really doing tomorrow for my birthday!" and smile sweetly and expectantly!

No...he takes his golf very seriously.
Any other time I wouldn't mind (well I do, but I don't say anything), but this is my birthday fgs, and I am going to spend it doing exactly the same things I do every other day...thought I could have at least ONE special day out of 365.

oh bananalover, that is awful. And now I feel bad for being a misery today because my dp would never be like this.
Of course he should be doing something with you. Not using his leave time to play golf on your birthday. Cant you go out with friends and forget having his dinner ready?

Also, before he went out tonight, his mate phoned and I heard him say 'well I'm free every evening next week apart from Tuesday (skittles night)' So now he has arranged to play golf in the evening NEXT Thursday too.
THAT IS OUR WEDDING ANNIVERSARY.
Am wondering why I am even here apart fom cooking and cleaning

do a shirely valentine, pronto.

have you said anything to him or do you keep quiet so as not to piss him off?

Oh bananalover that's crap

Book yourself some nights out with your friends, don't bother consulting with him and screw him. Poor you. Sorry for making light of it in earlier post, genuinely thought he might be trying to throw you off the scent.

that's really shit. I would be mega offended, tell him not to expect dinner that night or for the foreseeable future. Can you get another babysitter and go out with friends?

I'd turn the tables & give him a present - divorce papers. He sounds like a completely selfish, inconsiderate twat. And sorry, but skittles ?!! How old is he, like 12??!

What an arsehat. For goodness sake DO NOT just put up with him doing this. One special occasion is bad enough but if he thinks it's actually reasonable behaviour to leave you on your own for the sake of something so utterly redundant TWICE, he is being a cock. Sorry.

STRIKE STRIKE STRIKE!

Seriously, you need to a)down tools everywhere from the kitchen to the bedroom and b) grow a pair and tell him in no uncertain terms that there'll be no resumption of above until he starts pulling his lazy-arse weight

No he hasn't forgot, he was upstairs about an hour ago wrapping up my presents...which will be bottle of whisky, flowers, and box of belgian chocs (yuk)...he buys same every year.
When he told me he was playing golf tommorow as usual, i just went a bit quiet.
i could have made a scene and demanded that he do something for me instead...but should i really have to tell him, I am not his mother fgs.
surely after 10 years together, he should have worked that one out for himself.
On his birthday, he gets breakfast in bed, special meal, birthday cake even. i just tell him to relax and take it easy whilst I bath kids and put them to bed.
then I pour him a drink and give him mindblowing sex.
I get golf!!

If you put up with it he will just do the same again. Yes it would be ideal if he was magically perfect on your birthday but if he can get away with minimal effort then he will, as will most men

The more I read, the more I get. So, he gives you the same thing every year, thus showing NO EFFORT. Doesn't care enough to cancel a game that he plays EVERY week, so not a once in a blue moon thing he really looks forward to. You make a huge effort for his birthday but get nothing in return - seriously, as somone else said - does he have anything good about him?

Does he earn lots of money? Only I thought a complete cockend like that needed to pay for 'mind blowing sex'YABU and you are being a doormat too. Anything else?

Hire a babysitter for the day, who will leave as soon as your DH gets home - hopefully early enough so that he can deal with the DCs, and make sure you don't cook him anything for dinner, he can fend for himself!

Then go out for the day. Find someone, anyone, to share a spa day, or a wine bar, comedy night, anything really. BUT DON'T ACCEPT THIS!

Bananalover, love. His mother would bloody tell him to pull his socks up, so should you.

IME 'going a bit quiet' won't get it done

Ker-rist.

You are perfectly entitled to have the mother of all tantrums at him.

And tell him you're going out for the evening on your birthday and wedding anniversary and the DCs are his problem.

Oh, and also arrange to go out on HIS birthday next time round.

In fact I feel quite like coming round and yelling at him for you.

Grrrr

Agree with chitchat - book yourself into a nice spa for a night - let your wanky DH fend for himself for a day or so.
Maybe it'll jolt him into appreciating you a bit more.

God, has he always been like that?! Why on earth are you with him?

When he asked if he could play golf on your birthday you should have responded with 'sorry dear you're looking after your children while I celebrate my birthday with my mates down the pub/ cinema / fancy restaurant'

his face would have been a picture

don't be a martyr , go out and get the treats you deserve , use his credit card

Thing is, yes I could go out with friends, etc, as suggested, but i REALLY wanted him to make the effort and arrange something special, not leave it all to me.
just wanted a romantic meal, just the 2 of us, fr a change, but we can't find a babysitter .
have been looking for one for months now.
And I absolutely refuse to ask my mum, not well enough yet.
But he is self employed so meets loads of customers everyday, and all his golfing buddies manage to find babysitters to take their wives out...why can't he? why does he always leave these things up to me?

It beats me why you want a romantic meal with him, does he turn into a different person when you're out alone?