Priorities...where do I fit in?

[bananalover]

Okay, so DH just gone out to the pub to play skittles, like he does every week. Has also just informed me that, not only will he be playing golf on Thursday evening, but he will be playing tommorow afternoon as well.
Fine, in normal circumstances, because as he says 'but I always play golf on wednesday'.
But tommorrow is NOT normal circumstances, tommorrow is my birthday, and he is playing golf (then coming home to expect his dinner ready, and a 'relaxing' evening in front of TV.
Has made no effort whatsoever to make arrangments to take me anywhere.
I cannot remember last time he took me anywhere, and he even had the bloody cheek to ask me if I was taking HIM anywhere!
He always expects my mum to babysit, but she has recently come out of hospital and is far too weak yet to cope with our bouncy kids.
AIBU in expecting him to at least not play golf, and look after the kids while I go out for the day? I mean, if he can take time off work for golf, surely he could do same for me?
Sorry if I am rambling but feel so dissapointed and am not looking forward to Bday...same shit different day

OP, do you truly see the only option to not being a doormat as being "a'not very nice person' giving orders and nagging all the time"? I'd ask where you got that idea from, but I'm pretty sure it came from your husband so I won't.

I've always thought that "nothing ever changes if nothing ever changes". So, assuming that you don't want things to stay the same, you have to decide what changes you need to make.

If you don't want to be treated like a housekeeper he can have sex with, and want to change that to being treated like a wife and life partner, then you have to work out what changes need to be made, such as not accepting such treatment by going 'a bit quiet' - that is the behaviour of a true doormat.

Sorry to be so harsh, but you need to get a grip.

The golf in itself itsn't awful, but the amount of golf is. My DH used to play a lot of golf and football at the weekends, (footie meant leaving the house at 11 and getting back at 7pm !) and he would go out running a few evenings a week or weekend mornings for about an hour. When we had kids, I laid down the law and said he had to sort his priorities out, it was one thing leaving me (sniff!) for all those times when it was just the two of us, but with DCs he had to change.
It took a while for him to understand but eventually he did - he now doesn't play footie every week, he plays golf once every couple of months or so (and he does go away for a golf long weekend once a year) and he now goes for runs every weekend once, and during the week once the DCs are in bed and often so am I! As I say though, it took him a while (and us a lot of 'discussions' to realise how important the time together as a family was for me.
It's worth the battles getting there - I no longer resent him for his fitness madness!