To think BF-ing a 2yr old is, um, weird?

[Lucy85]

Well what do you think? I know it's a very emotive subject, but I've seen it a couple of times and it makes me come over all strange.
I BFed my baby exclusively until 7 months when I went back to work, but the thought of doing it now is just plain odd, - not wrong, it's just I can't imagine doing it to someone who can walk, talk, get their own drinks, eats proper food and is too big to lie sideways on my lap.

autodidact

But in my case, and I suspect in many others, thatis total crap.

I never gave much thoughtto bfing because it was totally natural in my home enviroment. My mum breastfed all of us. My sisters in sils all did - having someone breastfeeding was not odd or weird or talked about, any more than nappy changing or weaning. It is just one of theose things that you do.

And my DCs fed as they wished. DS1 stopped at 6 months, DS2 at around a year I think ( wasn't paying a huge amount of attention) DD stopped sometime after 3 but again I can't really remember. It wasn't a big deal.

I did not feed her to ward off boredom or distress. By the end it tended to be occasionally at night or morning but breastfeeding served no function other than itself.
She isn't some pandered child. She experiences emotions, tantrums bordeom and frustrattion and everything else as it arrives. I know more about normal behaviour, normal range learning and what constitutes healthy developmental experiences than most and she has all of those. I am no earth mother, no bored SAHM - nor was I seeking anything for my benefit. It was just what she did /we did and then she didn't need it anymore and it stopped.

It must be loevely for those who simply don't want to breastfeed any longer to pontificate aboutthe emotional needs and weaknesses of those who do.
But perhaps the truth is that it is just the way their family works, thatthey are all fine and nothing extraordinary and it is nothing more compliacted than that

"so when you drink wine do you tell yourself it's for the wine's benefit?"

PMSL!

indeed, 'tis every young grape's dream to be plucked from the vine by an exquisitely tanned man and crushed underfoot, fermented and bottled. the feel it is their destiny.

only the losers want to be raisins.

autodidact i think it is fine to comfort a child who isn't yet old enough to comfort themselves
you will know when they are old enough to comfort themselves because they will no longer come to you every time - it's gradual, again

here's a nice piece of journalism for the creepy brigade

plenty of women do feel entitled to call breastfeeding creepy, you see
you are not alone

Pagwatch- I have not said anywhere that all people who breastfeed older toddlers or continue to give them bottles or dummies do so because they are not allowing their child to experience frustration. Nor do I believe that. I have chosen my words carefully, I hope. As it happens I am myself an enthuasistic breastfeeder. My twins breastfed to 16 months and I hope to feed my daughter (now 10 months) for as long as she wishes it. However, I have, as I said earlier, seen breastfeeding used to pacify older children when their behaviour/emotional needs at the time may have pointed to a response other than breatfeeding, imo. Not nearly as frequently as I have seen sweet treats, dummies and bottles used to the same effect, I might add. It is a very easy trap to fall into, imo, and I have sometimes done so myself. I would also add that there is nothing wrong with the occasional shortcut!

"i don't think that a toddler needs demand feeding and find those that do so tend to be making a point (i am not sure what point exactly but well,you know what i mean)"

LOL, yes, we know what you mean - you feel vaguely uneasy about breastfeeding in general because of some hang up or other, and you have absolutely no solid reasons why people shouldn't breastfeed for as long as they want, so you're going to make generalising comments that are hard to refute because we don't really know WHAT you are getting at, things like "it's mostly for the mother", "it says something about their relationship", "they are just making a point"

Crikey TSC, if you can't breastfeed at a breastfeeding group, when can you?

Lots of mind-reading going on there too, that is what you think they are thinking, they probably have a very difference perception of their reasons for still bf.

good post slushy06

Is the "you are not alone" thing directed at me, coupleofkooks? I don't find breastfeeding creepy, fyi.

I bf my dd nearly 3 when she asks - she's happy. Can't see the fuss or problem on bf. bf a child seems less weird to me than putting factory made milk in plastic bottles but that's my opinion.

Fair enough auto.

I think my experience again is so far removed from that that the suggestion jars a little.
I have seen small babies 'settled' with breastfeeding but honestly can't say I have seen babies fed to preventtheir being bored or grumpy - but happy to believe that you have seen this.

The endless attempts to figure why women do it is just dull. Particularly when 'why not' is equally valid but not apparently as interesting

It's not necessary for you. How can you say it's not necessary for all children - blanket statement? Since when has one size fit all, when it comes to child-rearing?

I think - let people get in with thinking it's weird or creepy or inappropriate or 'not necessary'. Knock yourselves out. It's those people with the problem; not the Mums and children breastfeeding, so they'll just have to find a way to get over it, or live with it.

Telling people they're weird, etc, is not going to make them stop doing it.

I b/fed until DS was 13 months, and then had to stop as I had to travel overseas for work for a few days. I would more than likely have continued for some time, as hauling my big, fat pregnant arse downstairs every morning to get his bottle of cow's milk ready is so much more of a faff than a b/feed will ever be.

Thanks mathsmadmummy

'i also believe that when going to a bf drop in to get support with bf ones newborn it can be really off putting to see women bf toddlers and does not help normalise bf.'

Actually I also remember sitting there struggling to feed my newborn in the breastfeeding group (I only went once because it was a long drive away and I don't drive), but my reaction was different to you I saw a extended bf and thought wow! and then preceded to ask her if she could help me with the problems I was having bf my newborn.

interesting point about new mums seeing toddlers BFing and being put off. I don't know maybe it depends on the new mum. I did think EBF was a bit odd TBH (mostly due to the demand/comfort/pacifying thing autodidact mentions) - but I went to a BF support group before my 2nd was born (worried about it as BFing difficult with 1st) - there were loads of toddlers BFing and it didn't take long for me to realise it is normal and actually awesome!

but maybe if I was unsure about BF in the first place it might've put me off? will never know!

"interesting point about new mums seeing toddlers BFing and being put off. I don't know maybe it depends on the new mum. I did think EBF was a bit odd TBH (mostly due to the demand/comfort/pacifying thing autodidact mentions) - but I went to a BF support group before my 2nd was born (worried about it as BFing difficult with 1st) - there were loads of toddlers BFing and it didn't take long for me to realise it is normal and actually awesome!"

+1

I remember thinking "I don't think I'll do it that long", but seeing older babies being bf normalised it for me. One day I realised that my daughter was one of the oldest babies in the group (and that day came quite early), and now she's still feeding on and off (but hopefully stopping completely soon) at 18 months.

TSC The baby gets more efficient at withdrawing milk from the breast. The feed is the same amount as always, the baby just empties the breast quicker IME. I know this because after two years you can tell by how full your breast feels.

if you don't feel uneasy about breastfeeding, why do you think people breastfeeding their toddlers at a breastfeeding group would be offputting?
why would you care if someone bf their child for 30 secs - what does 'unnecessary' mean in this context? what if they gave their child a cuddle - is that unnecessary? couldn't they wait till they got home? or go in a private cuddle room to do it?

the distinctions made between breastfeeding tiny babies and older children, between breastfeeding that is 'necessary' and 'unnecessary', all of this suggests uneasiness about breastfeeding

i'm not trying to pick on you or make you feel uncomfortable - many people do feel uneasy about breastfeeding and we all have hang ups - but please let's be honest about it and not try to control other people's actions because of our own prejudices

second coming - you just don't understand the dynamics of breastfeeding a toddler. It's about the need to bf & doing it for a short moment & then doing something else. My dd likes to bf to sleep in the evenings so sometimes I do bf her for a while

My DD is 3 in August, I'm pg with baby number 2 due in Jan.
I still feed DD about twice/three times a day when she's with me - she'll happily go off to my parents for a couple of nights in a row and not be bothered by not having me there, but when she sees me again she will ask for it.

I never thought I'd bf this long, I remember before I had dd saying I thought that once a child could walk they were too old for bf, but now I know that's just rubbish. There were a lot of things I thought about babies/children before I had one that I now know are nonsense!

I never made a decision to bf this long, I think thats the point - if you stop bfing before the child self weans then you have to make a decision to do that and actively intervene to make that happen. I just fed my baby, and kept feeding her and all of a sudden she's nearly 3. It's totally natural and I don't get any more out of it than I get out of having a lovely snuggly cuddle with her, I assume everyone cuddles their lo's still at 3?!

I did realise the other day that if the next lo wants to feed as long as dd has then I will very possibly spend over 7 years of my life continually either pg or bfing, which was quite a surprise to realise, but it's no big deal really, my daughter is very independent and confident and happy and healthy, if that's even a just a tiny bit because she's been bf for so long then it's worth it.

The second coming - i would argue that those bf toddlers at a bf support group might put people off,and if one is still bf'ing a 2 year old then one might summise that they don't need support...or is that over simplifying...

I've never been to a bf group, but I would assume that the mothers who are 'experienced' bf-ers might be there in order to offer their help to mums of newborns? much like the mums of older children on mumsnet offer advice to those with smaller ones? Or they might be like I'm likely to be in a few months - bfing a toddler and a newborn, and just because you've bf one child fine it doesn't mean you won't have problems with the next one.

thesecond coming you bf both your children till they self weaned, that's exactly the same as I'm doing, my child is just taking longer over it, some children walk at 9 months some not till they nearly 2, some have teeth at birth, some don't get their first till they're 1, they all go at different speeds for different things, it's really no big deal imo.

a lady on my LLL course summed it up quite nicely - she'd been desperate to finish BFing to get out of the baby stage, but realised, what's the rush?

Thesecondcoming, blaming 'lactivists' is a bit like blaming feminism for sexism. Odd.