To think BF-ing a 2yr old is, um, weird?

[Lucy85]

Well what do you think? I know it's a very emotive subject, but I've seen it a couple of times and it makes me come over all strange.
I BFed my baby exclusively until 7 months when I went back to work, but the thought of doing it now is just plain odd, - not wrong, it's just I can't imagine doing it to someone who can walk, talk, get their own drinks, eats proper food and is too big to lie sideways on my lap.

This thread has made me feel all fired up and proud to be feeding my 2yo. I have been getting very bogged down in all the disapproval of my friends recently and had become an appologetic breastfeeder ("I know he ought to be weaned by now, but it's not easy...") but actually that's bollocks.

All of the clever, articulate, educated, sensible, well informed and confident woman who have come out of the woodwork to say on this thread that they are feeding their toddlers and young children, and why, have made me feel proud to be one of you.

"What do people actually mean when they say 'it's more for the mother than the child'? Do they think a breastfeeding woman finds it sexually gratifying? "

I think that is precisely what they mean, Speedy. And I'm fed up of them insinuating around the subject and wish they had the balls to say it out loud. Because then we could give them the hairdryer treatment they so richly deserve for such a horrible, mean-spirited, unpleasant, revolting view.

I'm feeding 2 yo dd at the moment. I'm desperate for a cup of tea but she is grumpy because she woke up too early.

At some point soon i will get the tea and will have to listen to dd whingeing for more milk.

In what sense am I meeting my own needs? My need is for a cup of tea!

'"What do people actually mean when they say 'it's more for the mother than the child'? Do they think a breastfeeding woman finds it sexually gratifying? "

I don't think that they mean this for a minute. I would take it to mean that the mother is needy and likes the 'earth' mother-centre of the DCs universe state and isn't keen to give it up.
Before you shout at me, it isn't what I am saying-merely that the 'sexually gratifying' is utter nonsense and I really don't think that anyone would mean such drivel!

I think some people actually do think it's sexual- they can't separate breasts from sex. I have to say that I doubt anyone who actually breastfeeds gets this mixed up.

I found toddlers breastfeeding a bit odd before I had children and remember telling my sister that I wasn't sure how I felt about my niece bf as she was walking! All these years later and it felt completely normal to be to bf my toddlers and just evolved with the support of Dh who now strongly believes in the emotional and health benefits.

I would ask 'what way' next time-I am sure that it is the keeping the DCs dependent that is the issue.

Oh ffs, this old chestnut. Well done to all of you who have pointed out why it's a good idea. Yahboosucks to those of you who think it is any of your business or that you can pass comment. Well done ladies, carry on.

You don't bloody well see any 18 year old's bf'd do you? Unless of course they have a baby fetish and that's an entirely different kettle of fish and STILL the choice of the people involved. Dear goddess, don't you people have anything better to do with your lives except worry/judge other peoples choices?

WillCarryOnUntilTheCubWantsToStopTiggaxx

I think that thesecondcoming's post way way down on the 3 year old breastfeeding in the park and lenin's article on Mongolia make clear how this sort of issue is very, very cultural, as well as being about personal choice for individual mothers and babies. In British culture breastfeeding, bottle feeding and dummies are for feeding and comforting babies and there are various views from different "sub-cultural" groups on when babies become children and can/should move onto receiving food and comfort from different sources. The mainstream view in the UK is that babies become children pretty early, imo, probably between 1 - 2 and therefore some eyebrows will be raised at children who spend lots of time with a breast, bottle or dummy in their mouths past 2. Most people realise that the transition from babyhood to childhood is gradual, though, so breast, bottle or dummy at bedtime or to respond to great distress in toddlerhood is often accepted. It's all complicated by the way sub-cultures sometimes sneer at other groups' ways of feeding/comforting, so that occasionally someone who still proudly breastfeeds a 4 y.o. would be horrified to see a child the same age with a dummy, for example.

OK I understand that we are entitled to BF in public, but what I don't understand is why you would choose to do it when there is a private option as well? I found BFing my DS a personal thing, that's not to say I wouldn't have fed him out and about if he needed it. But that's not the situation I described, these kids could wait til they get home, or the women could go to the BF room. And yes, I know i can leave the room, it actually doesn't even bother me, but I do wonder if these women are flaunting it somewhat, in a 'fuck you, I am BFing my toddler and what of it?' kind of way. Which I think makes it a bit more about their needs in that instance.

autodidact - yes those are good points.

But why shouldn't they feed there Sausage?

PMSL @ a toddler doesn't need to breatfeed any more than I need wine

followed by (the depressingly common) insinuation that it all done for the mother's benefit

so when you drink wine do you tell yourself it's for the wine's benefit? I can see the appeal of that argument

OP - from your post I got the impression that what you were saying was that it seemed weird to imagine still feeding your own 2 year old.

This I can totally relate to - I bfed dd1 until 14 months (so no shoes yet but well able to demand a feed in ways that were not respectful of modern taboos about breasts) and the thought of feeding her now is very odd to me, icky almost.

I have no issue with "extended" breastfeeding (does 2 even count as extended?) but for me and dd1 that aspect our relationship is over and the thought of doing it with her now does seem weird.

Obviously if I were still feeding her it would seem normal.

I definitely think that it is a dependency issue that people are referring to when they say it's more for the mum. I know a few of my friends and family think I breastfeed more for myself than my DD with comments around how she no longer 'needs' breastmilk and is 'old enough' to do without

TBH tho this goes for pretty much anything that is basic mothering ie bed sharing etc.

I am a single parent and I have been for most of DD's life this I feel is used by friends/family to 'explain' or 'excuse' why I do what I do. I'm pretty sure that there are several who think that the reason I feed and have DD in my bed most nights is because I'm lonely and cos I can't have another baby atm I must be 'using' DD to fulfil that need and keeping her a baby.

I can assure you sharing my bed with a toddler and/or breastfeeding is in NO WAY comparable to having a partner and I am certainly not lonely/wanting to keep her a baby. I breastfeed because my daughter still asks for it, still wants it and because it is something so important to her. Of course it's important to me but if she wanted to stop tomorrow I'd respect that (hell I'd have no option!) but until she does and I whilst can provide something so amazing, comforting, bonding and all for FREE on tap then why the hell would I stop?

I've never actually said as such to my friends and family but maybe I should.

I am very open about breastfeeding and would always feed DD if she needed it wherever we may be.I've not yet had any comments in public but think that may be because I give off 'Don't even mess with me and my breastfeeding' vibes

I have seen breastfeeding (occasionally), treat food (frequently), bottles (frequently), and dummies (frequently) used to shut up grumpy, badly behaved children (for me children = at least 2 years) who, while they may well benefit from these comforts at times, also need to gradually learn to tolerate boredom and frustration and behave themselves.

"OK I understand that we are entitled to BF in public, but what I don't understand is why you would choose to do it when there is a private option as well? I found BFing my DS a personal thing, that's not to say I wouldn't have fed him out and about if he needed it. But that's not the situation I described, these kids could wait til they get home, or the women could go to the BF room. "

BECAUSE THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH IT
we don't feel ashamed about it - we just don't think of it as something that we need to shield your delicate eyes from
when you've been breastfeeding for 2 years you have done it so many times that it is really about as private and personal as blinking

this is not the same as flaunting it - what an odd concept
do you think these mothers are breastfeeding for YOUR benefit? it isn't about YOU. it's about the needs of their child. what a strange thing that so many of you have difficulty grasping this

"I have seen breastfeeding....used to shut up grumpy, badly behaved children (for me children = at least 2 years) who, while they may well benefit from these comforts at times, also need to gradually learn to tolerate boredom and frustration and behave themselves. "

yes i can agree with that. the key word is GRADUALLY. if you suddenly stop something that has been a huge part of that child's life up til now, that has provided nourishment, comfort, pain relief, emotional connection, relaxation, help getting to sleep, plus relief from hunger and thirst and frustration and boredom, then IME that child is going to find it hard to deal with. If you GRADUALLY wean, often by letting the child set the pace, (which may mean weaning takes a year or two but is often almost seamless, and completely without trauma for the child) then the process is easy for both mother and child, and you can be sure that you have not pushed your child into independence that he or she was unready for

hi there

i also find breastfeeding a toddler a bit disturbing but do actually do it. my 2 year old feeds on and off all day and gets so emotionally distressed if i do not comfort her in this way. i am gaining nothing from this except comforting my child. i asked the advice of the breastfeeding nurse who said my child will stop when they are ready. i feel mums who carry on breastfeeding should be given a goddam medal as life would be so much easier if the child was weaned. As for feeding a toddler in public, hell yeah, its better than being stared at for my dd sreaming the pace down. i see plenty of children the same age sitting in buggies with dummies in their mouths, isn't the same thing, to comfort the child and get peace and quiet for the adults.

I'm interested in why the phrase 'meeting her own needs' implying selfish mother unthinking of her child's needs, is often used in conjunction with breastfeeding.

Whilst another phrase I hate is more often trotted out when a mother has been pushed down a different parenting path than she expected i.e. 'happy mother, happy baby'

Maybe when people comment that we are only breastfeeding our children to meet our own needs we should reply 'happy mother, happy baby' ?

sausagelover,
"what I don't understand is why you would choose to do it when there is a private option as well?"
Why is a private room a better option to nurse our children than simply feeding when and where we happen to be when they need to be fed, just like bottle feeding mothers do ?

Why should a mother pack up her children and bags and relocate to another room just for a feed which might last 30 seconds. It has no benefit for the mother or child in question, it just makes life more difficult for them.

The dictionary definition of private is 'unsuitable for public use or display' hardly applicable to the act of feeding a baby/toddler. Stating that mother must/should feed in private is in effect telling them that you disaprove of their choice in feeding methods. We never hear of bottle feeding mothers being told they must feed in a private room

Breastfeed DS until he was 14 months old and DD until she was 22 months (and they both walked at around 12 months) so yes, they both did come toddling up for the their feed. As previous comments have noted - it was them who wanted to continue, not me necessarily, although I was happy to oblige!

When I stopped it was because they both gave me up as it were - they just didn't want it anymore.

Why do people have such strong views about all this? One lot criticising another and so on. Why is it 'weird' to bf a 2 year old? Weird for you maybe, but not weird for someone else.

It's the most individual experience in the world and depends on so many things - circumstances, relationships, the individual mother, the individual child. No one has the right to judge anyone else. It's just how it is for you and your child.

Yes, I do see what you're driving at kooks and deliberately used the word "gradually". However, I do think that some parents are consistently unwilling to let their children experience, express and learn to tolerate anger, boredom, sadness etc, even when they are at an appropriate developmental stage and will turn to instant comfort methods such as dummies or breastfeeding because the idea of their small child being in any way distressed is unbearable to them. Yet these emotions are part of life, need to be experienced and are NOT "trauma". Parents sometimes end up interpeting totally normal, mildly challenging behaviour- tantrums, nightwaking, etc- as traumatic for their child and inadvertently tolerate and indeed reward quite bad behaviour this way, imo. I think this is a trap that many particularly warm and nurturing parents, including some extended breastfeeders, fall into at times.

I BFed DS until he was 2 and a bit and weaned himself. It didn't feel weird. So, thanks for your opinions on my life and choices, but I don't give a monkey's testicle.

Women who go to the trouble of weaning their baby off breastmilk at a few months of age for no reason other than they think it's "weird" to feed them for longer make me come over all strange. They're just plain odd. Um, weird.

'OK I understand that we are entitled to BF in public, but what I don't understand is why you would choose to do it when there is a private option as well? I found BFing my DS a personal thing, that's not to say I wouldn't have fed him out and about if he needed it. But that's not the situation I described, these kids could wait til they get home, or the women could go to the BF room. And yes, I know i can leave the room, it actually doesn't even bother me, but I do wonder if these women are flaunting it somewhat, in a 'fuck you, I am BFing my toddler and what of it?' kind of way. Which I think makes it a bit more about their needs in that instance.'

sausagelover I was 18 bf ds in a area in britain that has one of the lowest rates in the uk.

By about 12months 80% of people told me ds was to old for milk by 18months I hid the fact that I was feeding him this meant I stopped going out and lied to most when they asked is that baby still feeding. Some days I would be crying my eyes out feeding as I no longer had any support of anyone bar my mum,dp and my hv who was very pro bf.

I felt dirty and like I was doing something wrong. Then for national breastfeeding awareness week I was asked to do a peer support because I was a young mum they could only get funds for the peer supporter class if I went. By this point I was extremely isolated but as I believe in bf and my hv informed me that my local paper wanted to do a piece on me because I was by far the youngest person to bf in my borough. When I got to the group I again got ready to hide the fact that I was bf when all of a sudden I saw 10 other extended bf and I burst out crying with happiness and finally felt comfortable bf in public.

Your attitude really does not help women like me.